Fryguy Flashback: Casual poker part III: Strategy for the late game

Yet again, it has come to this.

 

A glance around the table reveals bleary-eyed buddies vainly attempting to force complicated odds calculations through the accumulated haze of spirituous consumables.

 The rhythmic clicking of text messages stream from the rapidly moving fingers of unwary players already eliminated.

 

Perhaps they are informing their family of their dishonor.

 

Perhaps they are trying to gauge the spousal response to remaining near the table to drown their sorrows.

 

It matters not. The end game is about those lucky or skilled enough to sip from the chalice of victory.

 

If you want to experience the euphoria of pocketing the hard-earned coin of your erstwhile chums, adherence to some simple rules will ensure success.

1) Play your hand and not your opponent. At this point in the game, God himself would have difficulty determining whether or not your intoxicated friend (let us call him BJ or, perhaps, Scotty) has a pair of 2’s or a full house given their betting strategy. If you have good cards, bet them. If you don’t, then run away like Forest Gump from some rock-throwing hoodlums.

2) You cannot bluff people who aren’t paying attention. Your liquored up comrades will have a hard enough time remembering to zip their pants after peeing much less allow themselves to get bullied away from a pot they’ve decided to attack. Don’t even try it.

3) Offer opponents a ride home should they decide to quaff too many ales. Enjoy watching them overindulge. During a late break in the game, grab a sleeping bag and pillow from your car, toss them on the sofa, and state that you’ve had a change of heart. Not only are your comrades now a bit sluggish of mind (as well as terrified at the thought of how to explain this to their spouses), but your about-face regarding the ride will add confusion and anger to their game.

4) Be patient. If you commit to the game then see it through to the end. Play each hand as if your spouse admonished you to come home a winner or don’t come home at all. To coin the immortal Mr. Miyagi, ‘Either you poker do yes, or you poker do no. But if you poker do ‘guess so’, sooner or later <squish>. Just like grape’. It is far better to stumble home drunk but victorious at 1:00 AM with a pocket full of scratch then to roll in drunk at 12:25 AM broke and reeking with shame.

5) 3-4 times during the course of a game, someone is going to fold when nobody in front of them has bet. Most of the time, they will insist on laying down their cards even though it would cost them nothing (as a means of saving face) but occasionally (if table rules allow) they will collect their cards after hearing the howls from the table and play on. When this occurs, keep in mind that they have crap and watch the flop-turn-river. If those too are crap, then Captain Checkfold has a sweet hand and you should back out.

6) Never become so beset with victory that you cast it away foolishly. Too frequently, a player who scores a big pot will become irresponsibly aggressive. A table full of drunkards will not remember to be scared of your victory so always play each hand as though the previous never happened.

7) If you have a prestigious and/or intellectually challenging job, use the position to bludgeon the psyche of your blue-collar friends. Attempt to instill a feeling of inferiority or insecurity. A well-timed barb regarding a bald spot, mole, or ugly girlfriend may also pay dividends. Players without confidence are more easily manipulated as crunch time approaches.

Armed with the sound strategies I have presented in this and the previous articles, you cannot possibly fail. On then my friends! On to victory and riches!