Ye Gods! Another crappy week for prognostication! My Kingdom for an extra half-point!
As my friend Manual so astutely pointed out, I am way too verbose for someone sporting a 12-18-2 record.
Until I earn the right to pontificate on boring games that feature crap teams that nobody cares about, I’ll practice a little brevity.
Kansas City at Philadelphia (-3)
While it is true that the Eagles seem incapable of stopping anyone defensively, it is equally true that Alex Smith in a new offense is a magical elixir to all ailing foes. Too much Vick and Shady.
Eagles Cover.
Green Bay at Cincinnati (+2)
Green Bay is 0-1 against teams that aren’t terrible. So are the Bengals.
The Welchers win again.
St. Louis at Dallas (-4)
Somehow, I just can't see the Cowboys beating anybody not named Jacksonville or Washington by more than a field goal unless they enjoy another 6-1 turnover advantage. Even then, maybe not.
San Diego at Tennessee (-3)
Everyone remember the story of the scorpion and the toad crossing the river?
Phillip can’t keep this up this level of competence. Eventually, he’ll return to form and Tennessee is much better than anyone anticipated.
Cleveland at Minnesota (-5.5)
And now, a statement from YOUR Cleveland Browns:
This is the Admiral Akbar game of the Week and I’m jumping right on in!
The mediocre Vikings stomp a demoralized Browns squad that knows their ownership has quit on them already.
Tampa Bay at New England (-8.5)
I’ve seen New England play and a banged up Gronk on the field is still not enough to justify a line this large.
New England may eventually kick somebody’s ass but I can’t keep picking these guys like it’s 2008.
Arizona at New Orleans (-8.5)
This game is almost identical to the Bucs-Patriots game in that we have a home team with an underperforming offense and improved D laying a large number of points.
However, the Cardinals are much better than the aforementiuoned Bucs even if Larry Fitz sits this one out.
Detroit at Washington (-1)
The Red Man can’t lose 3 in a row out of the gate right?
Reggie Bush’s absence really hurts the Lions this week and I think the ‘Skins will finally pull one off.
NY Giants at Carolina (-.5)
I’m just going to assume that Eli only throws 3 picks in this game.
It’s still too many.
Houston at Baltimore (+2.5)
You know what the Ravens’ Offense could use?
About everyone they let go in free agency.
Houston would be 0-2 if they had played any team in the NFL that didn’t start panicking whenever they started actually winning.
A tough call here but I’ll take the home underdog.
Atlanta at Miami (-2)
With Tannehill banged up I can’t shake the feeling that the Falcons pull off the upset here.
I know it is Miami’s home opener, but that doesn’t mean much for any team who needs to put tarps over 20,000 seats to make it look like people care.
Buffalo at NY Jets (-1)
Hmmm….Do I take the 1-1 team that sucks or the 1-1 team that sucks a little less but is on the road?
This actually causes me physical pain.
I guess I’ll go Jets. It is, after all, the Bills we’re talking about.
Indianapolis at San Francisco (-10)
The 9ers are pissed about last week and are looking to take it out on a very overrated Colts team.
The Luck stops here.
Jacksonville at Seattle (-20)
That’s just too many damn points right? Right?....<sigh>
Bears at Pittsburgh (+1.5)
Initially, I was thinking about going with the home team due to the fact that the Bears are barely squeaking by mediocre teams.
Then I remembered that Pittsburgh is getting stomped by mediocre teams.
Oakland at Denver (-14)
Never bail out on riding a great wave that is showing no signs of crashing.
Losing Clady hurts badly and may have serious playoff repercussions but Oakland is by far the worst team the Broncos have faced thus far.
I’d take Denver to win by 2 TD’s even if we are losing by 10 at halftime.
Last week 6-9-1
Season 12-18-2
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