One can tell from last week’s installment that I partook a little heavy in the grape while pounding out some thoughts on the laptop. Typo’s and rambling aside, it was still pretty good since my creativity was uplifted by alcohol and band of young hippies who thought me a professional writer.
I am having a tougher time hashing out an expected course this season due to all the wrinkles and nuance in this incarnation of Survivor, but I believe I am finally getting the hang of it.
Voting out Mrs. Tyson was a pretty savvy move for the “Tool-Time” Alliance. It wiped out one of the 3 remaining women and was a blow to the veterans’ tribe by hacking off their best player. Her physical prowess was not greater in proportion to the other women to justify keeping her when weighed with the expected benefits.
There’s a lot of movement this week my friends! I’ve updated the rankings placing redemption Island people on a separate list. Otherwise, power rankings make less sense than the actual game format and that’s just not right.
#1) Vytas
Now that he’s no longer addled with illegal drugs, this guy is a machine both physically and mentally.
Vytas reminds me of all the dudes I knew in my early 20’s who went back to work for the space and defense sector of Lockheed-Martin after Jerry Garcia died.
While everyone else was trumpeting the unlikely possibility that Tyson would swap places with his girlfriend (not wife, not daughter, not mom, but girlfriend), the Professor simply pointed out that such a move would be a psychological blow to a very strong opposing player.
Vytas has 2 things of which to be wary:
1) He must guard against becoming viewed as the master-strategist.
2) If Tyson goes, who’s the next strongest dude on the vets’ tribe? That right! The other Yoga instructor.
Still, I think his place in the dominant alliance, coupled with some baboonery from 2 of the other dudes in said alliance, will keep him off the chopping block for the time being.
#2) Heydan
He’s kind of the anti-Reynold when it comes to fun-house challenges.
I believe it to be a bonus for both him and Kat that he botched the ski-ball game before the last tribal as nobody wants to compete against the circus guy every week.
Heydan is in a pretty good spot for 3 reasons.
1) He’s in a 5 against 3 alliance.
2) He’s a pretty likable and mellow guy.
3) If the other tribe votes off Kat to get to him, he simply becomes a greater asset to any floating alliance when the merge happens as he is not burdened with the stigma of having a loved one to juggle when the merge hits.
#3) Aras
I moved Aras up a spot this week until I see how the Rachel-Tyson thing shakes out.
The vibe around camp puts Aras right into his comfort zone. Sensual massages and songs of friendship (while vile poison to Colton) are exactly the things that offer strength to Aras.
Moreover, it doesn’t make him look to be a bastard for suggesting that players vote cut out the tribal cancer which would then give him the numbers in the tribal hierarchy.
Now that we know the alliance structure of the veterans’ tribe I think the 3rd spot is a good place for Master Shifu.
#4) Tyson
I cannot possibly believe that Tyson would swap places with What’s Her Name.
He is in a very good place within his own tribe and since it looks as though the newbies are going to keep sending girls to Redemption Island, his girlfriend will likely have a pretty good chance of moving along in the game.
On the same token, it is likely his alliance mates would absorb Rachel into his spot and he is almost certain to steamroll the shmendricks that are likely to be voted off should he swap out.
I have no idea how much he loves this woman so I’m just gonna guess he gets pissed off and yells a bunch but does little else.
How he handles the psychological impact of the vote will determine his future seeding. I bet that Aras gives him a good rubbing in the next episode.
#5) Caleb
Once Colton gets voted off this guy is in really good shape. No longer burdened with the dishonor of being associated with Colton, a soft-spoken, introspective guy like Caleb is an obvious #6 to any alliance when the merge occurs.
I still cannot rid myself of the thought that this guy is hiding a catastrophic character flaw beneath his veneer of calm, folksy wisdom.
I mean, who among us, male or female says to ourselves, “you know what? I need to find the most spiteful, condescending, ill-spirited human being in the world outside of cartoon villains and marry him.”
More likely it was simply that they were the only 2 openly gay guys in Deerbum Mississippi and something had to happen so I’ll give him a pass.
#6) Monica
Monica has wisely asserted herself into the dominant (or, perhaps, only) alliance while becoming something of a therapist for Colton.
She’s a smart player, good in challenges, and isn’t an insufferable blowhard like Gervase.
She must be careful not to stigmatize herself by associating too closely with Colton and must, somehow, get her husband Brad to shut the hole in his face or she’ll be playing alone at the merge.
#7) Gervase
Last season, I underestimated the power of being kind of a bastard. Not this time!
Gervase is not an unbearable jackass like Colton but is enough of one to make people think about taking him to the end.
With Marissa out of commission for the moment, he is not a threat to betray his alliance in favor of his loved one (who, incidentally, will probably hit him in the head with a burning log at Christmas).
With Loud-mouth Brad tossing threats at him, he may, if things go a certain way, have the added advantage of being viewed sympathetically by other contestants.
#8) Tina
She is the final member of the dominant veteran’s alliance and is the last member of that particular tribe in the top 10.
Tina has the numbers but has the following going against her that rates her lower than the rest of her allies:
1) She is not as strong in challenges as Monica. If they drop a few consecutive immunity contests they may panic and send her packing.
2) Her primary ally (daughter Katie) is almost certainly gone before the merge, reducing her options at that time.
3) She’s not a butthole like Gervase and, as such, is a less desirable companion to take to the end.
#9) Brad
This guy is Biff from Back to the Future.
Loud, brutish, quick to anger, and full of himself.
These qualities might work great in the 1950’s when getting McFly to do your homework, but they are going to rub many people the wrong way on the jury or in your tribe.
If this is not enough, he is an extreme physical threat whose wife is clearly a player of some skill on the other tribe.
If the next guy on the list wasn’t such a wang, I’d bet his own tribe would knock him out before the merge.
#10) John
Only this guy could be in a dominant alliance and receive a clue for the hidden immunity idle and still drop 3 spots in the rankings.
It was a bad week for our favorite weeping doctor.
First, he publically gets the clue for the hidden immunity from his wife, pockets it, and then, like an idiot, refuses to share it with his alliance.
What the @#$% are you doing? Quit crying about the dastardly way you abandoned your wife and use your brain!
John is now the primary target within his own alliance and might even get wiped before one of the other women if he doesn’t come clean with the clue.
If this 2nd act of selfishness was not enough, he then argues feverishly against the smartest move (voting out Rachel) that could be made for both his tribe and alliance, leading his tribe to suspect he had a back-door alliance with Rachel.
I cannot believe they let this guy treat illness or injuries.
#11) Rasputin's Wife
Rupert’s departure is a blessing for this woman. While outside the dominant alliance, there is now no reason to target her unless the tribe starts losing challenges and she severely underperforms.
Currently, there is nobody less threatening on any island than this lady.
#12) Laura
I just can’t shake the feeling that she’ll start noticing that she’s on the outs within her tribe and start beating the scramble drum.
If this happens, she’ll get wiped before Rasputin’s wife.
Since nobody is currently worried about her daughter becoming a factor on the other tribe, I’ll keep her up near the merge cutoff.
#13) Kat
There is only 1 person going to Redemption Island from the veteran’s tribe and his name is not Kat.
She’ll likely fall victim to the “vote out the badass’s girlfriend” once Farquaad is sent packing.
However, the editors are hardly showing Kat so I’m leery of predicting a quick exit. They might do a tribe shuffle or something…..
#14) Katie
Part of me wants to shake this woman and demand that she do something, anything, to stop the forces at hand before she is removed from the game without even a whimper.
Then it occurs to me that people in her position only have a chance if they lay low, let someone else stir things up, and hope for an implosion somewhere.
Her best hope is to be the least threatening of the 2 remaining ladies and pray for a miracle.
#15) Ciera
I still cannot figure out why all of the ladies on this tribe forgot to be a dude for this season.
I like her spirit as she seems to be the only girl in the tribe willing to stir the pot as doom sets in but when you are on the ass end of the votes, being the one who looks self-aware is the quicker way out.
#16) Colton
I have been calling this guy Farquaad but I think I may have overlooked the complexities of the situation.
Lord Farquaad made no pretenses about who he was or what his goals might be. Nor did he have a chance to rectify his errors in Shrek: Mud vs. Water.
Colton is more like that SS officer from Schindler’s List who tried briefly to overcome who he was by showing mercy and kindness from his position of power.
At first, it seemed to be going well, but the moment even a hint of unpleasentness arose, he immediately reverted to the bastard that he was.
If kindness, companionship, and teamwork are so troublesome to Colton that their presence among other human beings turns him back into the miserable little SOB we’ve come to expect, then I shiver to think of what cheers him up.
In the words of Oliver Cromwell:
You have sat too long for any good you have been doing lately... Depart, I say; and let us have done with you. In the name of God, go!
Redemption Island:
a) Candice
I’ve no reason to doubt the sure-handed blonde doctor. Physical, mental, or psychological, I think this woman can acquit herself well.
I’ve no reason to doubt the sure-handed blonde doctor. Physical, mental, or psychological, I think this woman can acquit herself well.
Besides, if she loses she knows that her candy-assed husband will become the new Dawn Meehan for the remainder of the season and she cannot risk that level of humiliation.
b) Marissa
Like The Emperor from Return of the Jedi said to Luke Skywalker: "Good! Your anger and hatred give you strength."
This girl is pissed off. If she can harness her righteous angst, I like her chances here.
c) Rachel
While a cocktail waitress also requires steady hands at whatever they might do with or without cocktails, I just have a bad feeling on this one.
Results from Last Week:
#10 out of 17 voted off at tribal council: Picked 1 of 2 winners at Redemption Island
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