Survivor 27: Blood vs. Water: Week 4 Power Rankings

My Friends!

I apologize profusely for the brevity of the below power rankings this week.

Time constraints force me to finally shut my pie-hole and make prognostications with all the efficiency of my people (German/Scandinavian/Islander).

To Summarize last week’s fiasco, that Jackwagon Colton quit….again….leaving his lovable bumpkin of a boyfriend in a much better spot than he might otherwise have found himself.

Loudmouth Brad continues to rampage through the social aspect of the game with nary a consideration of how this might impact his prospects later and then pushed forward with his plan to self-immolate the tribe by voting out everyone who has more muscle mass than Mr. Burns from The Simpsons.

Furthermore, any sort of trust he might have had among his alliance is gone by virtue of his decision to target John and his cowardly plea that he be allowed to vote for someone else so John wouldn’t think it was him.

I think it should start to become apparent to the players (if Marrissa’s initial ejection didn’t make it plain enough) that the behavior of your loved one has a very real impact upon your future prospects.

I think this is why I don’t bump Monica and Caleb to the top.

Is anyone really going to want to give a million bucks to somebody who is going to go home and share it with one of those assholes?  I think not.

Let’s rank it up!

 #1)  Aras

Lots of love on a tribe of experienced players who don’t lose challenges bode well for Master Shifu. 

Thus far, he has:

1)     Saved Gervase from drowning in 10 inches of water at the first challenge.

2)     Worked his Zen powers upon everyone at camp not named Colton.

3)     Survived a dastardly cheap shot from his brother in the last challenge and heroically defeated him with honor in the field of battle.

Someone better wipe this guy out soon because he’s the golden boy this season.

#2)  Vytas

He’s pretty cool around camp and just strong enough to be valuable but not threatening.  He’s got so many idiots on his tribe that need to go before he’s in danger that he’s not going anywhere unless John gives him the immunity idol clue and Vytas decides not to share it.

#3)  Heydan

He’s one of only 3 players left on the tribe who is neither a candy-ass nor a dumb-ass.

This makes him very safe for the moment.

#4) Caleb

With Colton mercifully removed from our screens and out of the minds of the other players before he could sit on a jury and piss people off, Caleb is in a very good spot.

However, he and his entire tribe better start winning something or this ranking will adjust dramatically in the next few weeks.

 #5)   Monica

This woman is playing a great game.

Her husband is a dick.

2 things will likely result:

1)     She is going to break under the strain of watching an entire island of strangers pointing out what a butthole her husband is.

2)     If she ever gets to the final jury, people will be disinclined to give a million bucks to the wife of a millionaire professional athlete who pissed people off every day he sat on the island

Monica really needs Brad to get wiped before he can get on the jury where people can look at him and remember his foul deeds.

#6)  Tyson

This ranking can go up or down depending upon his shoulder injury.

I think his heartfelt interaction with Rachel both before and after she left will make people forget he was on the “Villians” tribe that one season.

#7) Gervase

I’m still feeling the same on Gervase.  Thus far he has been too much of a bastard to win, and too much of a bastard to not want to take to the end.

He better get cool in the next few weeks or he’ll be playing for 3^rd.

#8) Tina

She’s like 60 and just kicked her daughter’s ass in a physical challenge.

It is either a damning condemnation of Katie or high praise for Tina.

Her position depends upon her tribe continuing to dominate up until the merge now that Colton is gone.

#9) Rasputin's Wife

I think she may actually be a better physical competitor than Rupert.

#10) Laura

Her position actually improves every time her daughter displays unconscionable ineptitude. 

I mean, who really thinks “You know, we need to throw a monkey wrench in Ciera’s game.  Let’s vote out Laura!”

If she keeps her mouth shut about being in the minority alliance she may outlast Kat.

#11)  Kat

She absolutely obliterated Ciera in the challenge.

So did her 45 year old Mom.

Hayden is incapable of sucking on a level that will protect Kat with people like Katie and Ciera on his tribe.

#12)  Brad

The end is near for Biff.

I just think it cannot possibly escape the rest of the tribe at this point that they can mathematically afford to lose only 1 more challenge before the numbers doom any hope of surviving the post-merge game.

They gotta keep him above one of the girls for 1 more week….right?

#13) Katie

Her 2 matches in the challenge lasted like 26 seconds.  She helps around camp.

#15)  Ciera

Her 2 matches lasted 3 seconds.  She doesn’t do shit around camp.

Redemption Island:

a)    Candice

Hey man, you don’t leave a hot table.  She’s twice the man that her husband is.  I’m betting on Blonde Doctor again unless whiney dipshit John can somehow bring her down in a way that opponents cannot.

b)    Marrissa

I think that she’ll have to listen to john and Candice help and encourage each other through the elimination challenge.  This is gonna piss her off.  Marissa gets 2^nd when she’s pissed off.

c)     John

In the short time he was here, John played one of the dumbest games of Survivor I have ever seen.  If I was Candice I’d kick him in the Kidneys when he lays down to sleep for squandering her sacrifices and gifts.  It would only be fitting if the guy who deserves to go home, goes home.

Week: 2 #10 out of 17 voted off at tribal council:  Picked 1 of 2 winners at Redemption Island

Week: 3 #16 out of 16 quit game

Week: 3 #10 of 15 voted off at tribal council:  Picked both winners at Redemption Island