“Does Not Count.”
Interchangeably the 3 sweetest or most devastating words
that can be heard in the game of Survivor.
A well-played idol is indeed a rare gift for both the player
and the viewing audience.
Watching Joe, Hali, Shirin, and Jenn, laugh and bump
fists each time an invalid vote was announced raised the spirits of everyone
who cheers for underdogs, hippies, or for women who suffer beestings to their
girl-parts while hanging on to a pole 10’ above the ground.
It was indeed a fine moment, but did it really change
anything?
Above all else, Survivor
is a game of numbers, and unless Jenn and her merry band (now minus Will who
jumped ship) can coerce 2 people from the majority alliance to flip, they
are still down 7-4.
Moreover, they did not eliminate the alliance leader (Mike)
in order to cause the maximum amount of disruption to the enemy but, instead,
opted to target a relatively quiet and unimpressive lackey (Kelly?...I think….).
Imagine Seal Team 6 storming Osama Bin-Laden’s compound in
Pakistan:
Seal Team: “We are in.”
Washington: “Proceed with the mission.”
Seal Team: “Bin-Laden has been located. Shall we proceed?”
Washington: “Negative Seal Team 6. Taking out the leader will cost us the chance
to finally eliminate ‘Ahkmed the Pesky Kitchen Boy’ who serves up oatmeal to
our enemies on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Without their bi-weekly oatmeal to fortify them, our foes will lack the
necessary vitamins and minerals to energetically plan terrorist activities.”
This, obviously, didn’t happen because it would have been
stupid.
It was Mike’s charisma that kept the Blue Collar team
together through all of the sniping and infighting.
It was Mike’s diplomacy and earnestness that convinced a
seething Sierra to come back into the alliance.
It was Mike’s persuasiveness that convinced both Tyler and
Carolyn to join their alliance and establish a dominant voting block.
Did they think Kelly "the cop who cannot remember the
order of 6 items after 3 tries staring at it" was the linchpin?
Perhaps they feared that the cerebral and effective
leadership skills exhibited by Rodney would rush in to fill the subsequent power
vacuum?
Or was it an overwhelming fear that Dan the Union Steward would use his sick apologizing skills and knowledge of women to schmooze his way to the promised land?
There are only 3 things that can reverse the mathematical bludgeoning that awaits the fantastic 4.
1) They find yet another hidden immunity idol and play it for the perfect person during tribal council.
2) Tyler and Carolyn realize that they are stuck in spots 6 and 7 in their existing alliance and decide that it would be a whole lot cooler to be stuck in the 5th and 6th spots with the other guys.
3) Boston Rod can no longer suffer the ignominy of playing second fiddle to Mike and implodes.
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| You can't let this guy take over. He'll run the table.... |
Or was it an overwhelming fear that Dan the Union Steward would use his sick apologizing skills and knowledge of women to schmooze his way to the promised land?
There are only 3 things that can reverse the mathematical bludgeoning that awaits the fantastic 4.
1) They find yet another hidden immunity idol and play it for the perfect person during tribal council.
2) Tyler and Carolyn realize that they are stuck in spots 6 and 7 in their existing alliance and decide that it would be a whole lot cooler to be stuck in the 5th and 6th spots with the other guys.
3) Boston Rod can no longer suffer the ignominy of playing second fiddle to Mike and implodes.
Anything is possible I suppose, but I have a feeling that neglecting the opportunity to eliminate the game’s prime power was a move that may, ultimately, relegate this likable minority alliance to the
ash-heap of Survivor lore.
Therefore, let me brace myself to my duty and release my traditional post-merge power rankings:
#11: Joe
He's young. He's handsome. He's likable. He's a beast in challenges.
The fist time he doesn't win individual immunity, he's also gone.
#10: Jenn
Anyone who can have a tropical wasp sting them right on their uglies and still finish second in a challenge that involves hanging on to a rain-soaked totem pole for an hour has earned my respect.
Jenn has done everything right in this game and has played admirably in nearly all respects.
Her idol play was magnificently timed but she won only a minor skirmish in a long war.
Jenn's victory last week was like Japan's tactical victory at Coral Sea. It was a nice win and it was certainly discomforting to their foes, but there was never any doubt as to the end result of the war.
8-4. 7-4. It doesn't matter. If Jenn cannot channel her inner Churchill she is just as defeated.
#9: Hali
They sure talk to this chick a lot and always about really strange things.
I cannot shake the impression that she is getting the winner's edit but she's still on the wrong side of the numbers and is also the second half of the Jenn-Hali power couple.
Logic says she's toast but my gut says otherwise. Since intuition is the brain's bitch, I'll go with brain here for the time being.
#8: Will
Will is many things. Will is funny. Will is observant. Will is harmless in challanges. Will is Stevie the asthmatic boy from Malcolm in the Middle.
Will is NOT trustworthy.
As the game progresses, people don't like dealing with flip-floppy wild cards.
#7: Rodney
There will be an implosion. It is just a matter of time.
If I might hijack T.S. Eliot to assist in my analysis:
This is the way the world ends This is the way the world ends This is the way the world ends Not with a bang but a bufuddled look.
Has anyone ever seen Boston Rod and "The Situation" in the same room together?
Me neither.
#6: Dan
At this point in the game, every player will need to apologize for something they did or said.
When that time comes, Dan is f***ed.
#5: Mike
Currently, Mike is the grand poo-bah of this game.
For a guy who spends the bulk of his time with heavy machinery, this dude is a master diplomat.
Mike's problem right now is that he doesn't "chase girls, doesn't drink, doesn't pah-ty."
Rodney will ensure that everyone knows that Mike is running the show and Mike needs at least 2-3 more weeks before he could secure his position.
Despite his competence, Mike may as well replace the biblical tattoos on his back with a big "tah-get."
#4: Carolyn
This woman has played an exemplary game. She's in the majority alliance, can flop with her boy at any minute to create a new majority alliance, and has an idol.
For my part, I appreciate her blunt and direct way of speaking with others.
However, I somehow doubt that a tribe consisting of hippies, union guys, and "The Situation" will have the same appreciation that I do.
Therefore, let me brace myself to my duty and release my traditional post-merge power rankings:
#11: Joe
He's young. He's handsome. He's likable. He's a beast in challenges.
The fist time he doesn't win individual immunity, he's also gone.
#10: Jenn
Anyone who can have a tropical wasp sting them right on their uglies and still finish second in a challenge that involves hanging on to a rain-soaked totem pole for an hour has earned my respect.
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| Add caption |
Jenn has done everything right in this game and has played admirably in nearly all respects.
Her idol play was magnificently timed but she won only a minor skirmish in a long war.
Jenn's victory last week was like Japan's tactical victory at Coral Sea. It was a nice win and it was certainly discomforting to their foes, but there was never any doubt as to the end result of the war.
8-4. 7-4. It doesn't matter. If Jenn cannot channel her inner Churchill she is just as defeated.
#9: Hali
They sure talk to this chick a lot and always about really strange things.
I cannot shake the impression that she is getting the winner's edit but she's still on the wrong side of the numbers and is also the second half of the Jenn-Hali power couple.
Logic says she's toast but my gut says otherwise. Since intuition is the brain's bitch, I'll go with brain here for the time being.
#8: Will
Will is many things. Will is funny. Will is observant. Will is harmless in challanges. Will is Stevie the asthmatic boy from Malcolm in the Middle.
Will is NOT trustworthy.
As the game progresses, people don't like dealing with flip-floppy wild cards.
#7: Rodney
There will be an implosion. It is just a matter of time.
If I might hijack T.S. Eliot to assist in my analysis:
Has anyone ever seen Boston Rod and "The Situation" in the same room together?
Me neither.
#6: Dan
At this point in the game, every player will need to apologize for something they did or said.
When that time comes, Dan is f***ed.
#5: Mike
Currently, Mike is the grand poo-bah of this game.
For a guy who spends the bulk of his time with heavy machinery, this dude is a master diplomat.
Mike's problem right now is that he doesn't "chase girls, doesn't drink, doesn't pah-ty."
Rodney will ensure that everyone knows that Mike is running the show and Mike needs at least 2-3 more weeks before he could secure his position.
Despite his competence, Mike may as well replace the biblical tattoos on his back with a big "tah-get."
#4: Carolyn
This woman has played an exemplary game. She's in the majority alliance, can flop with her boy at any minute to create a new majority alliance, and has an idol.
For my part, I appreciate her blunt and direct way of speaking with others.
However, I somehow doubt that a tribe consisting of hippies, union guys, and "The Situation" will have the same appreciation that I do.
#3: Shirin
Every season, there is somebody that everyone dislikes from the get-go who makes it to the merge and then commences to weasel their way much farther than anyone thought possible.
I am going on record as saying that Shrin will go farther than any other woman who eschews wearing bottoms around camp.
She's not running any alliances, most people dislike her personally, and she is far from a threat in regards to challenges.
The obvious disappointment on her face when Dan denied her request to pee on him reconfirms her desire to be helpful. I was almost certain that she was going to eagerly beseech Jenn for the opportunity to pee on her bee sting.....
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| "I can pee on that you know...." |
#2: Sierra
This woman has done absolutely nothing thus far to warrant winning a million dollars.
I rest my case
#1: Tyler
Tyler is an extremely intuitive player who knows how to deal with people, overcome setbacks, and lay just low enough to survive but not so low as to be considered a non-entity.
With every passing week, Tyler becomes more and more dangerous.
He appears to be a stable influence on any alliance, is smart enough to hide his coupling with Carolyn, and looks to be unflappable even when things don't go his way.
From a purely numbers perspective, Tyler is not in the best position right now, but he knows the game well and should find a way to ride out unpleasantness and exploit the weaknesses of the remaining players and relationships.
Tyler is an extremely intuitive player who knows how to deal with people, overcome setbacks, and lay just low enough to survive but not so low as to be considered a non-entity.
With every passing week, Tyler becomes more and more dangerous.
He appears to be a stable influence on any alliance, is smart enough to hide his coupling with Carolyn, and looks to be unflappable even when things don't go his way.
From a purely numbers perspective, Tyler is not in the best position right now, but he knows the game well and should find a way to ride out unpleasantness and exploit the weaknesses of the remaining players and relationships.
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