If you need any further proof that the social interaction in
Survivor is, on many occasions, superior to life in the real world then look no
further than the demise of Drew.
 |
| An immensely satisfying blindside to be sure |
In Drew, you have a narcissistic, dimwitted sociopath who (due
to his doting father and modeling career) displays a sense of invincibility and
entitlement as great as anyone who I have ever seen in this game.
Let us, for a moment, examine this jackhole’s
playbook from last week:
1)
Lounge around camp and do nothing. Make certain that you verbalize to your tribe
mates that work is beneath you and napping is more your thing.
 |
| Drew working around camp |
2)
Against the advice and wishes of your whole
tribe, try and trade nothing for something only to be ridiculed by Jeff
Probst. Shrug pompously and tell
everyone that you are the only one with balls on your team.
3)
Feverishly volunteer to join your closest Ally’s
girlfriend (Miss Michigan) on Exile Island. Leer at her ass whenever she bends over to
stoke the fire or pick something up.
Then tell her that you are cursed with the ability to make women swoon
just by being so awesome.
**Note: If it is indeed a fact that this DB
is lavished with female attention as suggested by both Drew and his brother, it
is a damning condemnation of our species’ cognitive abilities. Any self-respecting but technologically
superior alien race would be justified in exterminating us based solely upon
people like Drew having success with the opposite gender.**
4)
Get annoyed by some lady who says or does nothing
that can be considered even the least bit offensive or shifty. Make it your mission in life to get her voted
off.
5)
Purposefully sabotage a team that has never lost
an immunity challenge (in a game that is entirely about numbers and majorities)
because you “get to decide who wins or loses”.
Do it in a pushy and aggressive way.
Then offer an insincere and condescending apology.
6)
Head back to camp and then tell the entire tribe
(in front of the women) that you are scared of the women and everyone
(including the women) needs to vote off the women.
Be such an overbearing butthole about it that even your fiercest ally tells you, “you’re being a jackass.”
7)
Having alienated your friends and galvanized
your enemies, head into tribal council and sit there with a big dumbass grin on
your face. Drop an occasional platitude and coy comment and then act like the whole process, and everyone involved with it, is inferior to you.
Sadly, in the real world, a-type personality sociopaths who
look like, think like, and behave like Drew would have:
a)
Earned a promotion and/or fat raise.
b)
Beaten out a humble and competent competitor for
a large contract.
c)
Enjoyed limitless successes with the opposite
sex.
d) Been elected to a position of great power and
authority.
e)
Earned “Man of the Year” honors in multiple
business journals and tabloid magazines.
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| Yep. This is the picture of success in this detestable age |
In Survivor, he
got thrown out of the game like the steaming pile of flotsam that he is. Therefore, Survivor > Real
Life.
Although just about every move Drew made was
catastrophically absurd, I was also struck by Jon the MSU football player’s
dubious approach to their upcoming tribal council.
When pitching the case to vote off John Rocker’s girlfriend,
he asserts that, “We need to vote out the single people since they will soon
begin to outnumber the couples and then pick us off one by one.”
Good idea genius! So
tell me good sir, what happens when Miss Michigan gets booted next week and you
are a single?
Survivor is a game of
chess and you are player checkers.
**For MSU grads, checkers are like chess and chess is like Heisenberg’s
uncertainty principle in physics.**
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