Poor Kat.
Poor dumb Kat.
Her last time out, she fell into her expected position of “pawn”, was part of someone else’s grand strategy, and then sacrificed upon the Alter of Expediency hen the pieces dwindled.
Assuming that this game would be played in a similar manner and determined to control her own destiny, she brazenly jumped the gun, then overplayed her hand, and, in the end, was the same scared little girl we saw a couple seasons ago.
Much like the French army at the beginning of World War II, Kat devoted all of her energies and considerable emotions into fighting the last war.
And just like the French, she was either unwilling or unable to flexibly alter her strategy when (or if in Kat’s case) she discovered that the last war was not THIS war.
Maybe in 10 years, after gaining some valuable life experience and spending some time practicing puzzles with 4th and 5th grade Girl Scout troops, Kat might make a passable survivor. This latest fiasco shows she was clearly not ready and was likely nothing more than the cute blonde dating the Big Brother winner.
The second she walked into the challenge uncertain of her ability to read and convinced that Hayden was going to fire her for being a dumbass, you knew she was beat. And so did her opponents.
If I had to bet 5 large on whether Dipshit Eddie from last season or Kat would finish that puzzle first, I would definitely leave the casino with a cool 10K in my pocket after the hairy guy who traded a million bucks for a donut kicked her ass.
Once Kat mercifully departed the island, we saw the feminist cause get set back 100 years as Vytas parlayed every known stereotype about women into a trip to the merge.
Not only did he artfully manipulate a powerful cadre of women from a position of almost unimaginable weakness, he gleefully walked us through the process as it occurred. I would not be surprised if a number of social conservative US states have begun exploring legislation to take away a woman’s right to vote.
Men everywhere took a little bit more of the covers last Wednesday thanks to the cunning of Vytas and the criminal foolishness of Rasputin’s Wife.
If there has been any episode sadder than the naïve agony of Kat, it was seeing a self-professed introvert (Laura B) proudly tout her new-found confidence and social skills only to see everything she thought she learned backfire so spectacularly.
I can already see her scrambling back into the safety of her shell.
In all the years since I first discovered the joy of watching people beat each other up and then feverishly plot the demise of comrades while afflicted with starvation and disease, I have never seen a season as wide open as this one at the merge.
Truth be told, I have no idea what’s going to happen given the existing dynamic and this places all of us at the mercy of the editing crew as I know how reliant all of you are upon my wisdom.
Like any skilled prognosticator (or charlatan), I shall begin the process by sticking to observable truths and going from there.
#1) Gervase
What we know:
1) He’s not coming off as enough of a strategic or physical threat to be targeted….yet.
2) He’s involved enough to avoid the charge that he is simply someone else’s lapdog.
3) His primary ally is louder and more flamboyant, drawing the slings and arrows.
4) He’s well fed from stealing coconuts.
5) He may not, in fact, drown this season.
#2) Caleb
What we know:
1) He surfaced long enough to eliminate someone that most people disliked.
2) He disappeared from the scene just as quickly.
3) He’s not physically threatening
4) He’s not overly involved in any scheming or infighting aside from that of a sounding board or swing vote
5) He still needs to make people forget he’ll share his coin with Colton if he wants to get paid.
#3) Hayden
What we know:
1) He’s got no power so isn’t a threat to anyone strategically.
2) He’s got the ability to win a few individual immunities without getting people worried.
3) He doesn’t have Kat hanging around to complicate things so is free of the “his only ally is his loved one” stigma.
4) He needs to find an alliance. Soon.
5) He’s already won a social reality show so people will eventually get scared of him in a few weeks.
#4) Ciera
What we know:
1) She’s in a pretty good alliance.
2) She’s utterly harmless.
3) She’s seemingly likable.
4) She has options even if her Mom makes it back into the game
5) She becomes much less harmless if her Mom makes it back into the game
#5) Katie
What we know:
1) She might be the only woman not to totally jump on the “Vytas is a sweatheart” bandwagon.
2) She, like Hayden, is utterly powerless right now and no threat to anyone.
3) She couldn’t win a challenge if everyone else on the island contracted dysentery.
4) This is good as nobody is likely to gun for her.
5) This is bad because she may eventually need immunity.
There is not a single scenario that I can imagine aside from Vytas schmoozing and then backstabbing her that gets her off the island.
#6) Tina
What we know:
1) She is infatuated with Vytas. If she were about 70 years younger this would matter.
2) She may be one of the few players savvy enough to take advantage of having a loved one by their side.
3) Neither Tina nor her Daughter are on anyone’s radar….yet.
4) She has some power as a potentially ally in the Tyson-Aras schism.
5) People know she’s smart (aside from her soft spot for Vytas) and will need ot be dealt with eventually.
#7) Monica
What we know:
1) She’s gone from “powerful voice” to “woman without an ally”.
2) She’s skilled enough in challenges to get a surprise immunity but not skilled enough to scare anyone.
3) She’s completely lost with Biff off the island.
4) It has now become really stupid to keep burning those clues.
5) Like Caleb, winning a million is going to be tough due to her choice of spouse.
#8) Vytas
What we know:
1) The ladies love them some Vytas.
2) The men hate them some Aras.
3) He’ll be second fiddle for awhile
4) He’ll be less dangerous, and hence, safer, once Aras is gone.
5) Nobody wants to sit next to him when this goes to the jury.
#9) Tyson
What we know:
1) He’s a coconut thief.
2) He's scared of Aras
3) He's strong in challenges, is a strategic threat, and wants everyone else to be scared of Aras.
4) He's the driving force campaigning to get rid of someone. This draws attention to him.
5) He's starting to exhibit some of his old ass-holery. He needs to steal some of Aras' zen instead of stealing coconuts.
2) He's scared of Aras
3) He's strong in challenges, is a strategic threat, and wants everyone else to be scared of Aras.
4) He's the driving force campaigning to get rid of someone. This draws attention to him.
5) He's starting to exhibit some of his old ass-holery. He needs to steal some of Aras' zen instead of stealing coconuts.
#10) Aras
What we know:
1) He's overconfident. Sitting on a cliff doing yoga imagining yourself winning is not a solid plan
2) He knows people like him.
3) He forgot that having people like you is not always a good thing in Survivor.
4) He must defer to Vytas for strategy if he wants to win this game.
5) He needs a new alliance or a couple meltdowns from the other tribe members or he's done.
2) He knows people like him.
3) He forgot that having people like you is not always a good thing in Survivor.
4) He must defer to Vytas for strategy if he wants to win this game.
5) He needs a new alliance or a couple meltdowns from the other tribe members or he's done.
Redemption Island:
b) Laura M
She’s the best suited to win a challenge that rewards small feet and light weight.
a) John
I don't care how heavy this guy is, I can't see him falling off before Rasputin's wife. plus, he's a big crybaby so he probably has small feet anyway.
c) Rasputin’s Wife
I can confidently say there is no danger of this woman
winning "favorite survivor" at the end of the season. I hope her and Rupert don't need the coin.
Week 2: #10 of 17 voted off at tribal council: Picked 1 of 2 winners at Redemption Island
Week 3: #16 out of 16 quit game
Week 3: #10 of 15 voted off at tribal council: Picked both winners at Redemption Island
Week 4: #12 of 14 voted off at tribal council: Picked 1 of 2 winners at Redemption Island
Week 5: #10 of 13 voted off at tribal council: Picked 1 of 2 winners at Redemption Island
Week 6: #2 of 12 voted off at tribal council: Picked 1 of 2 winners at Redemption Island
Week 7: #10 of 11 voted off at tribal council: Picked both winners at Redemption Island
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