Ahhh Corrine.
It saddens me greatly to see one of the few interesting people on the island get whacked.
But, to coin the wisdom of the immortal Red Foreman, “Corrine, the reason bad things happen to you is because you’re a dumbass.”
You had everything you wanted. Despite the fact that your tribe had voted the way you wanted twice in a row, you still played the “Phillip is a bully” card and got them to reluctantly agree to the dubious strategy of voting out Sherri.
The game was yours. You had the numbers to blindside Phillip next tribal and Erik (just coming off some sort of fermented coconut bender) would not have become confused by mixed messages.
Then you had to emote. I don’t care how much you like Dawn. You have to keep your yap shut about plans to start blindsiding alliance members especially after cozying up to “your gay” and badgering people to vote out a weakling instead of the remaining beef.
Dawn already lost a game because a compatriot insisted on mounting a premature betrayal. You should have known how she would react given the circumstances.
If you had saved your vitriol for the private interviews instead of telling people about your side alliance (which you didn’t need to do) and then proudly announcing your plan to blindside Phillip on the next vote, you’d be near the top of the power list.
Instead, your back at the losers hut eating mango with Brandon Hantz.
Foolish action driven by emotion – 1
Brain – 0
To the rankings!
1) Malcolm
As expected, forming up uncertain minority alliances didn’t quite feed the bulldog.
Perhaps it was an omission of editing, but I really got the idea that Malcolm never really sat down and spoke with Erik about what he was doing and just kind of assumed that he would go along with whatever he said to do a few days before.
Did Malcolm not remember Erik from the last time he played? Making assumptions, governing through innuendo, and depending upon the reliability of a guy with the strategic and tactical understanding of a plastic cup suggests that Malcolm may have become complacent of late. It is almost as if he’s been reading my rankings…..
On its face, last week looked like a major setback for Malcolm. His “Man Show” alliance was outed and his primary champion on the Favorites tribe got whacked.
Upon further reflection, however, this may not be as bad as it seems:
1) The only person on the island who knew that he has an idol is gone before she could tell anyone.
2) The remaining tribe members not named Erik think that Corinne was the ringleader of the ill-fated gang of 6.
3) Malcolm can recover by saying that he still voted a fan out as agreed and knew nothing of Corinne’s plans to axe Phillip.
4) If “Malcolm’s Meats” collapses, then 2 of the only 3 people on the island capable of beating him physically will be gone. He might just Ozzy his way to the finals anyway especially if Erik doesn’t sober up soon.
5) Phillip is still on the island pissing people off. It is only a matter of time before something gives.
Truth be told, I simply can’t think of anyone else to put here right now despite the fact that I would no longer call Malcolm “dominant”. His power alliance is now down 4 to 7 so he seriously needs to regroup or he may drop next week.
2) Cochran
Yeah farmer Ted! That’s what I’m talking about!
I gotta give it up to this guy. Last time he played, he flitted about all nervous and paranoid and finally made a very foolish decision that got both him and Dawn snuffed out.
Not only has Cochran learned from his mistakes but he seems to have discovered the ability to talk crazy people (Phillip) and emotionally unstable people (Dawn) out of doing things that act against his interests.
He is playing a patient and observant game thus far and has made all the right moves when they needed to be made.
My concerns for his longevity are as follows:
1) They are not going to make these guys eat monkey penis or turtle poop every week. It is doubtful that individual immunity will be around his neck any time soon.
2) He’s too likable and well-spoken. Nobody wants him next them come jury time.
3) His close comrade Dawn looks like she is on the verge of complete collapse and may be vulnerable to crazy schemes or panic mongering. He needs to keep her mellow. Perhaps he can pay dipshit Eddie three coconuts to give a her a sensual massage….
3) Brenda
Last week, I lamented Brenda’s lack of initiative and suggested that she start making some moves.
That was pretty dumb of me.
Clearly, her decision to lay low (yet again) was the right one. She can now slide into the 6th spot in the Favorites vacated by Corrine and if she keeps up with the “Stealth R’ Brenda” approach, it may be many more weeks before someone asks, “Hey, what about that one chick? Is she allied with anyone?”
She’s pretty hard to beat in water challenges and, unlike Erik, appears to have some idea what she is doing.
Much like it was with Julia, if they interview Brenda more than a couple times in an upcoming episode she may be going home. They really need to get a bit more creative with their editing.
4) Dawn
Dawn tied her “No Cry” record with “1” but that robust streak ended again this week.
I’ve been having chronic dry eyes after my Lasik procedure and I am pissed off that Dawn arrogantly fills her eyes with tears every 11 minutes when so many in the world bankrupt themselves on eye drops at Sam’s Club.
It seems strange, but the weaker Dawn gets, the stronger Cochran gets. It’s like he’s sucking out her emotional strength and adding it to his critical thinking prowess.
He’s pretty pale you know and might look a little like Nosferatu if he were bald….
In all things, people who are unable to control their emotions can be made to do all manner of stupid things. Dawn better not even roll over in the shelter without running it by Cochran first.
While I don’t think anyone is going to target her for at least awhile, she may face trouble if her tendency to run to Phillip/Cochran every time someone confides in her becomes common knowledge.
5) Erik
A wise man knows his limitations. Is it possible that Erik realizes that he is a bit slow on the uptake so he purposefully refuses to do anything in the game with the knowledge that whatever he might decide would be the dumbest thing he could possibly do?
It seems clear that Erik intends to take the “Forrest Gump” approach to this season. Just be a likable buffoon and let luck carry you from victory to victory.
I think he can play the old “I got confused” card if Malcolm and the guys get pissed at his vote and actually pull it off because, clearly, Erik was confused.
It wouldn’t be the worst idea for Erik to accidentally fall in with a tribe of candy-asses, vote out “Malcolm’s Meats” and then win individual immunity every week until then end of the game.
Wait a second, that actually sounds like a strategy. I don’t know what the %$#& this guy is going to do next week but it really doesn’t matter in the end.
“Run Forrest! RUN!”
6) Andrea
Last week worked out great for Andrea but the bump to her long-term prospects are minimal at best. Her constant worrying and strategizing without having any plausible ideas of her own make her seem more like an annoying fuss-budget that is always up in other people’s business than any sort of mastermind either benevolent or malevolent.
Now (if the scenes from our next episode are to be believed) it appears that she may be pitching woo with DB Eddie. She is already at least a minor target as “The Specialist’s Confidant” but if she becomes “The Dipshit’s Concubine” she’ll be lucky to make it to the jury.
7) Phillip
This will almost certainly doom him, but I’m bumping Phillip up the list a bit in “The Big Jump of the Week”.
Despite all the private interviews and brouhahas, I cannot help but notice that people around camp still bend over backward to placate Phillip.
The situation reminds me of something “The Real Estate King” said to Annette Bening’s character in American Beauty.
In order to be successful, one must project an image of success at all times.
Phillip wields power in this game not because he is the strongest, or the smartest, or has the best plan, or has a silver tongue. Phillip wields power because he acts like he has power and the other players believe the illusion.
I too, appear to have underestimated him because of his pink underwear. Someone else is going to get nailed by “The King” before this is over.
8) Sherri
The Ersatz Julia need only vote with the majority and she’ll stay alive for a number of weeks.
Stiffler’s Mom is doing the only thing she can right now and that is to play a waiting game and hope that the whole rotten structure (Stealth R’ Us) comes crashing down in the next week or two.
Sherri does indeed put the “suck” in “Success” and this is her ticket.
She sucks in challenges. She sucks at the social game. She sucks at tactics and strategy.
Nobody in a position of power wants her out right now.
9) Michael
This guy can’t catch a break. Everybody he allies himself with gets whacked the next week.
Michael’s endorsement is like Fredo’s Kiss in The Godfather II.
If he wants somebody out, he need simply walk up to them, plant a huge kiss on their lips, and say “You broke my heart Malcolm/Eddie/Erik/Brenda/etc.” They’re as good as dead.
In any event, he is a man without a country right now but will probably survive by virtue of his mediocrity.
10) Reynold
And yet again, the pendulum that is Reynold’s game has swung the other direction.
I just cannot like this guy anymore. His pomposity came through yet again at tribal council when he coyly suggested that Probst not “count out the Fan’s yet” and “Big things were going to happen”.
Even if you are 100% sure of your plan, you don’t yammer off about how confident you are before a vote. For God’s sake man! You are at a 8-4 numbers disadvantage and by sitting their grinning like an idiot, you pretty much announced to the entire tribe that someone has betrayed them.
You’re just lucky that everyone thinks it was Corrine and not Malcolm that masterminded the whole deal.
Reynold is going to have to win a couple immunities and/or play his idol soon or we won’t even be able to marvel at what an arrogant a-hole he is as a member of the jury.
11) Eddie
TOGA! TOGA! TOGA! TOGA!
Erik and Eddie both don’t know what the hell they are doing or why.
Whereas Erik is more of a well-meaning, likable bumbler (Forest Gump), Eddie is more like some vulgar, loudmouthed Frat-boy who heckles children during competitions and then hits on their Moms before throwing up on the sidewalk.
It is said that cats crap on his head when he tries to rescue them from trees.
On the bright side, he may have finally found a pretty girl in Andrea to join him in Padre Island for some keg stands before he goes back home. I guess no spring break is complete without trying to have at some strange girl before departing paradise.
Eddie is an albatross around the neck of anyone with whom he expresses an affinity.
He has no idol, no people skills, has not yet won a challenge, and has nowhere to go but home.
Corrine—Ranked #5 out of 12 when voted out week 8.
Julia—Ranked #13 out of 13 when voted out week 7
Matt—Ranked #10 of 14 when voted out in week 6.
Brandon—Ranked #15 out of 15 when voted out week 5
Laurie—Ranked #12 out of 16 when voted out week 4
Shamar—Ranked #17 out 17 when he left the game
Hope—Ranked #17 of 18 when voted out week 3
Allie—Rated “Poor” when voted out week 2
Francesca—rated “Poor” when voted out week 1
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