Finally!
A tribal council with a little intrigue!
I was beginning to believe that the show forgot how to entertain without idiots like Hantz and “The Specialist” running around acting like buffoons.
Malcolm’s play to obtain the idol from Reynold and play it was absolutely brilliant. If Dipshit Eddie hadn’t freaked out Andrea to the point that she panicked and changed the vote, it may have been one of the all-time great maneuvers in show history.
Damn you Eddie! You recover from whatever roofie you took before coming on the island just in time to shoot America’s favorite player in the ass. When Erik shakes his head in disbelief at your ineptitude, you have serious problems.
On the down side of last week’s episode, Phillip’s creepy comment about skeletal cougar Sheri’s hotness when he saw her on the beach, coupled with the really bad teen soap opera that is Eddie and Andrea, made me feel dirty. And not in a good way I assure you.
Obviously, the rankings are going to start shifting around substantially after last episode but I am not quite prepared to write off either Malcolm or Reynold as it is entirely within the realm of possibility that they keep finding hidden immunity idols every week.
1) Brenda
And for the first time this year, we have a new leader in the clubhouse!
“Stealth R’ Brenda” is owning these chump holes.
Remember the reaction of the Fans when they first saw Brenda coming off the helicopter?
Don’t worry if you don’t because I don’t think anyone playing the game remembers any longer either.
Worried glances, whisperings of danger and deviousness, and comparisons to Parvati have been purged from memory by goofy dances, friendly grins, and a complete lack of visible strategizing.
Even with a twisted knee, Brenda should dominate the rest of her Alliance in challenges down the stretch and will acquit herself well in front of the jury but lacks the obvious eloquence of a Dawn or Cochran, making her far more likely to see the final 3.
I have a hunch that the reason we haven’t seen a lot of interviews with Brenda is because she is going to make it to the end and editing crew didn’t want to over-saturate us.
2) Cochran
It was another fine week for Sherman from American Pie.
In many ways, it is sad to watch Cochran play one of the most intelligent and entertaining games of Survivor that we have seen in 26 seasons.
Cochran’s game reminds me of something my mentor, John Luc Picard, once said:
Sometimes, you can make no mistakes, do everything right, and still lose.
He is the Finnish Army in 1940. He is Belgium in 1914. He is Andy Dufresne from Shawshank Redemption when “the sisters” show up to give him a good buggering.
In each case, you look at them with awe, with pride. You marvel at their tenacity, envy their bravery, wish that you possessed a fraction of their purpose and could fight by their side bringing glory and honor to all that is good and pure.
But, in truth, there is never a doubt how it must end. It is not Cochran’s game to win, and it never was.
He is incapable of winning the immunity necklace in the final challenge and the very perfection of his game to this point, coupled with his eloquence and intellect, ensures that nobody in their right mind takes him to the end.
Since there are 2 people left on the island who most definitely are not “in their right mind” by any accepted definition (Phillip and Dawn), he has a snowball’s chance but Cochran is playing for 4th.
I place him at #2 out of respect and nothing more.
3) Erik
And here comes Morrison Gump!
I believe that Erik’s current strategy (or lack-thereof) can, henceforth, be referred to as the “Ozzie-Gump Gambit”.
Here’s how it works:
1) Join up at the ass end of a majority alliance of wusses.
2) Never strategize and look dumbfounded at all times.
3) Always vote with the majority until all other physical threats are gone.
4) Win multiple immunity challenges against the remaining sissies until they start to realize that you are mentally incapable of besting them in front of the jury and want you in the final 3 with them.
5) Get a couple votes from meatheads like Eddie who can’t force themselves to vote for people who are not pretty and enjoy your 2nd place finish.
4) Phillip
If you had told me 4 weeks ago (just after Hantz melted down) that The Specialist was going to be only the 3rd most unstable person on his tribe I would have laughed in your face.
His sermon at tribal council force Malcolm to completely out himself as a traitor and he may have saved the game for himself and his alliance.
Watching the game fall into chaos while Phillip soldiers on no more or less crazy than he ever was, I am reminded of the scene in “The Avengers” just before Banner turns into The Hulk for the final time.
Probst: Phillip. Now might be a good time for you to go crazy.
Phillip: That’s my secret Jeff. I’m always crazy.
When chaos reigns and the strain becomes intolerable, the advantage goes to the person who has lived and embraced emotional instability.
5) Dawn
My two year-old just threw up for an entire weekend, bashed his head on a coffee table, misplaced his favorite “Super Why” toy, and suffered the indignity of wearing a coat that was not green and still cried less than Dawn.
If it were anyone else, I’d say she was toast, but just as the French draw strength from surrendering, Dawn fortifies herself by turning into a weepy mess at critical moments. Nervous breakdowns seem to focus her so don’t worry about her longevity.
It is her recent decisions and not her behavior that spells danger for our favorite unstable English Professor and mother of 14.
If Cochran is the soothing voice of reason who talks his allies down from ledges before the leap into the abyss, the Dawn is “Lucy” from the Peanuts Cartoons.
Instead of telling Malcolm and Corinne to settle down/stay the course/get their heads out of their ass, she agrees with their plan, rats them out, and then knifes them at tribal council.
The way things are going, it may be hard for Dawn to get any votes even if she floods the council chambers with her tears.
6) Andrea
My initial impulse is to drop Andrea down for:
1) Being a Dawn in training with her emotional outbursts.
2) Pitching woo with Dipshit Eddie
However, getting “indirectly hit on” by the fireman saved her torch last week as she found out her name was on the winds and cried until people changed their votes to Michael from Malcolm.
Andrea better pull herself together or her allies will start viewing her as a liability. Good players like predictable allies, not mercurial cry-babies.
7) Malcolm
Tribal council was an amazing play.
If Eddie had the ability to think with anything other than his dong, Andrea would be gone, Stealth R’ Us would be dealing with a power vacuum, and “Malcolm’s Meats” would have found new life.
Still, if there was anyone who suspected he had an idol, they no longer do.
Malcolm can buy himself at least one more week in the game in which time:
1) Phillip may finally piss someone off so bad that they have to see him snuffed.
2) Andrea may breakdown when she learns her beloved Eddie intends to betray her again
3) Dawn gets medevac’d from the island due to severe dehydration from crying
4) He and/or Reynold might find another idol
5) Stiffler’s mom quits the game after Phillip tries to rub pink underwear on her in the shelter.
Much like the old man in the cart in The Holy Grail, He’s not quite dead yet, but for the love of God, stop going to Dawn with plans for betrayal. She’s Dawn! She’ll just cry and then go tell everyone what you did!
Malcolm, I fear, has been hanging around with Reynold and Eddie for too long……
8) Sherri
If Stiffler’s Mom doesn’t die of malnutrition in the next few days, she might just make it to the top 6 or 7 for no other reason than the self-implosions of more entertaining players.
The only thing even remotely interesting about Sheri is the way she seems to lose 17 pounds between each episode.
I’ve seen some skinny people on this show, but I have never seen someone start out looking relatively normal and then proceed to diminish so rapidly. I guess having Phillip tell you how hot he thinks you are can cause uncontrollable bouts of vomiting and diarrhea.
Now I’m worried about her…..
9) Reynold
Reynold becomes the first player in Survivor history to needlessly squander two immunity idols during council. It may be the only think of note he does this season unless he finds another idol after Malcolm plays his.
Are you really so arrogant that you thought Cochran, of all people, would be swayed by statements like “getting our bro on”?
This is not Middle School Reynold! Harvard educated people playing for a million dollars do not harbor secret wishes for acceptance into little clubs.
It is the “cool kids’ table” phenomenon all over again.
They better have circus games for immunity challenges for the rest of the season or Reynold is screwed.
10) Eddie
Your brief moment of lucidity only reconfirms your low intellect.
Here is Eddie’s plan from last week:
1) Hit on Andrea and put a target on both of you as a couple threat.
2) Tell Andrea that her name has been mentioned so that she panics and blows up the plan that actually would have sent her home and saved your alliance.
3) Vote for Andrea at tribal.
……..
I cannot even begin to figure out why you played things the way you did. If you had at least betrayed your bro club you would have had Andrea’s loyalty. The only way you are not getting wiped next is if you are viewed as so laughably feeble-minded that everyone wants to take you to the end.
Michael—Ranked #9 out of 11 when voted out week 9.
Corinne—Ranked #5 out of 12 when voted out week 8.
Julia—Ranked #13 out of 13 when voted out week 7
Matt—Ranked #10 of 14 when voted out in week 6.
Brandon—Ranked #15 out of 15 when voted out week 5
Laurie—Ranked #12 out of 16 when voted out week 4
Shamar—Ranked #17 out 17 when he left the game
Hope—Ranked #17 of 18 when voted out week 3
Allie—Rated “Poor” when voted out week 2
Francesca—rated “Poor” when voted out week 1
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