Well that was sure an interesting last 10 minutes of Survivor wasn’t it?
I knew that I jinxed the crap out of The Specialist by bumping him so far up in the rankings…..
A number of folks expressed surprise that Malcolm would use his second idol to save Eddie but it was the smartest play for 3 reasons:
1) By proclaiming that they were all safe prior to the vote and announcing their target, there was a chance (albeit slight) that the now panicked players on the council would also vote Phillip, allowing them to maintain all their idols for another week.
2) If this ploy did not work, then The Specialist goes home and Stealth R’ Us is mercifully relegated to the ash heap of history. Say what you will about Phillip, but his ham-handed social game did have the side-effect of keeping people honest in the alliance.
3) It sewed dissention in the ranks of the opposing alliance as they started feverishly whispering and plotting about who to cannibalize. If he was smart, Malcolm learned much about the alliance dynamics and may be able to buy 2-3 more weeks instead of just one.
On a side note, I was going to apologize to Dipshit Eddie this week for my harsh comments regarding the fact that he spilled the beans to Andrea about her being targeted last episode. Upon further reflection, I believe it is almost certain that Dawn ratted Malcolm out to Andrea anyway and Eddie may have established some much needed good will.
However, after watching him Pater-Pan off the pier in an attempt to show off his studliness, flubbing the ring placement in the process, I officially revoke my apology. Only Eddie would risk a million dollars to do something stupid that he thinks looks cool to the chicks.
How about some Rankings?
1) Brenda
No changes here.
There is some risk that “Stealth R’ Brenda” has been exposed with her very solid showings in the last 3 challenges but I think that her gaudily colored knee brace may put just a little doubt in people’s minds.
Besides, as long as Malcolm, Sir Reynold of Pompoushire, and Eddie the Wise are still in the game, nobody is looking at Brenda as the primary physical threat.
Moreover, it never hurts for future votes to charge into the forest to rescue a shrieking Dawn from complete meltdown while the other players glanced at each other awkwardly and rolled their eyes. Brenda could have eliminated a future rival by simply acting like she couldn’t find her teeth but took the high road here. Good for her.
Once the beef is gone, I like Brenda’s chances in challenges against the remaining chuckleheads even if she completely loses her leg to a monkey attack.
2) Cochran
I love lost causes so Cochran is my man.
This guy gets more entertaining by the week and his ability to assess an individual or situation is uncanny considering that he doesn’t have the benefit of the confessionals to help him make his plays.
He’s playing for 4th, but I am holding out hope that he may find some way to dupe someone into taking him to the finals. I mean, Eddie and Erik are still playing right?
Hopefully, the producers will decide that the final challenge will involve gulping down a barrel full of “badger penis in white sauce” instead of something physically taxing so my man Cochran can take home the coin.
3) Erik
I hope Erik knows what he is doing because I sure as hell don’t. Throughout this game, his actions have been contradictory and puzzling.
Playing Survivor with Erik is like playing poker with my friend BJ. His strategy is so wildly inconsistent that you can never know whether he is holding a straight to the ace or a pair of 2’s. The same circumstance may pop up 5 times in the course of a game and he will handle it differently on each occasion.
Here are some of Erik’s major decisions thus far.
1) At the outset, he allies himself with the most unstable person (Smaegol Hantz) in Survivor history.à He then tries to tackle him to stop him from dumping the food out while the other people just stood there cringing and crying.
2) He agrees to join “Malcolm’s Meats”, acknowledging that all the strong males will be targeted and that drastic steps are necessary.à He then acts confused and asks Andrea for whom he should vote, destroying his new alliance while still in its infancy.
3) He astutely points out to everyone that simply because Malcolm and Eddie have the idols doesn’t mean they will play them, inferring that the vote should go down as planned.à He then is the only person in his alliance that does not vote as planned and flops to “Fillup”.
Why he would want to keep around a bunch of idol-finding challenge gods is beyond my comprehension.
The “Ozzie-Gump” gambit I detailed last week is Erik’s only shot in this game. His wishy-washy-ness is going to ensure that he is at or near the ass-end of any alliance so he had best play it out with a bunch of sissies.
4) Dawn
Even though it has been done to death, it was originally my intent to pile on Dawn for her latest melt-down. The moment she told Brenda what had happened, I was immediately reminded of that kid from the movie Parenthood when he too lost his retainer.
But much like my criticism of Eddie/Andrea, time has softened my opinion of the matter. I cannot think of any woman that I have ever met or am ever likely to meet who would have happily pranced around for 5 more weeks in front of millions of people on national TV looking like a meth-addict who got hit in the face with a hockey stick by an angry pimp.
This may be the first legitimate weeping attack that Dawn has had in either of her 2 seasons.
She would be out of the game had it not been for the kindness of another player. If Dawn does anything other than protect Brenda with her last breath then she is a shitty person.
5) Sherri
Sherri continues to suck in challenges as bad or worse than anyone I have ever seen.
I knew fat kids who were better at dodgeball than Sherri is at about anything likely to be seen in this game. You would have thought someone who looks like she has been lost in the Sahara for 37 years would have at least shown up for the eating challenge……
I am half expecting her to say “no thanks Jeff. I’ll pass” if she ends up winning food at the next reward challenge. However, the likelihood that any team she is on might actually win anything is beyond the realm of possibility.
Sherri shuffles around through challenges like a Yoda when he is using neither “The Force” nor his cane.
Like most non-entities in mid-late game, she is safe for the moment and may actually ride her ineptitude to a strong finish but if she jumps ship and signs up with the dudes, she’s a goner at 5.
6) Andrea
If the last tribal council was any indication, this woman is in serious trouble. The moment it became evident that someone on their alliance had to go, everyone but Erik turned on Andrea like a pack of pre-teen girls fighting over a Justin Bieber poster.
If she paid any attention to what was going on, she must know she is on the arse end of any alliance that does not have someone named “Eddie” in it.
I can’t believe I am saying this, but a little quid-pro-quo with Dipshit Eddie may be Andrea’s last, best hope for something other than an inauspicious trip to the jury.
Tis a sad day when you must pin your hopes for a million bucks on this guy:
7) Eddie
It is impossible for me to stifle a smirk of derision whenever I think of this last immunity challenge. I cannot think of anyone else who could possibly have snatched defeat from the jaws of victory with more panache than our buddy Eddie.
Sailing gracefully, needlessly, through the air like a shaved gorilla, Eddie slammed the ring down on the post with all the authority of a college sophomore shaking the table with an empty mug after winning a drinking contest. The only problem is that he missed. Jackass…..
Anyway, Eddie’s intellectual and physical prowess is second-rate compared to the other big dogs, so he’ll only get votes if Malcolm or Reynold wins immunity.
Besides, who wouldn’t want to sit next to Eddie in front of the jury? I can hear his statement already:
“Hey guys! I came to this island to party. When the pretty girls started disappearing and someone stole the keg, I was really bummed at first. I mean, all of the games and shit were cool, and my boy Reynold over there is a stud <taps his chest with two fingers and points at the jury> but I just couldn’t find the tap.. Then this blonde chick named Allison shows up and I wanted to hit that. Vote Eddie.”
Yep. Eddie is safer than the other guys.
8) Malcolm
This should really be 8a and 8b for these last two dudes.
Whoever does not win immunity between Malcolm and Reynold is going home unless:
a) They find another hidden immunity idol.
b) Malcolm can convince 2 people to flop.
I am not confident in the latter possibility as who in their right mind would ever want to drop out of the majority alliance where the only person with an ounce of physical presence is an injured Brenda?
However, Erik did give up an immunity necklace once before and Stiffler’s Mom may end up having to be medevac’d due to malnutrition so hope remains, but he really should just find the idol and be done with it.
9) Reynold
I only put Reynold at #9 because he is kind of a butthole.
Truth be told, I actually enjoy his confessionals and often agree with everything he says, but the problem is that he seldom keeps it private.
I mean, who among us can go into our jobs and say exactly what we think every day about every topic?
Sure, that lady in the other department may be a mullet, but you can’t go over there and tell her (and her friends) that you think she’s a nincompoop even if you have strong evidence.
There is a necessary political aspect to both Survivor and (for most of us at least) life. I suspect that Reynold's life experiences and whatever position he currently holds outside of the show has not reinforced this reality.
Win out, find some idols, or go home.
Phillip—Ranked #4 out of 10 when voted out week 10.
Michael—Ranked #9 out of 11 when voted out week 9.
Corinne—Ranked #5 out of 12 when voted out week 8.
Julia—Ranked #13 out of 13 when voted out week 7
Matt—Ranked #10 of 14 when voted out in week 6.
Brandon—Ranked #15 out of 15 when voted out week 5
Laurie—Ranked #12 out of 16 when voted out week 4
Shamar—Ranked #17 out 17 when he left the game
Hope—Ranked #17 of 18 when voted out week 3
Allie—Rated “Poor” when voted out week 2
Francesca—rated “Poor” when voted out week 1
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