Unscheduled Rant #1
Why is it that week in and week out, we have to watch
Devonte Booker run straight into the collective backsides of his own linemen
every time he touches the ball? Booker’s
professional highlight reel is like one great big buttfumble gif on autoplay.
 |
| Vance Joseph loves the tenacity |
The coaching staff's insistence on giving this guy carries,
coupled with their repeated praise is an insult to doctors, women, and monkeys.
Even more infuriating is watching Garrett Bolles fold
quicker than Superman on laundry day whenever he’s paired against pass-rushers
with skill greater than an accounting major from UTEP.
I have it on good authority that the draft room sounded like
this when Denver picked him:
OK guys. This is our first pick of this draft so let’s
make sure we get it right and ensure that this Bolles character checks all the
boxes <shuffles through some papers>
Scored 9 or less on
the Wonderlic test for a position requiring high intellect and football
acumen? Check.
Never played the
position until College and then only for a couple years? Check.
Most penalized player
in College Football? Check.
Hot-head resistant to
coaching? Check.
Rated far behind guys
like Ramczyk, Robinson, and Lamp who are still on the board? Check.
Can’t go wrong here
boys. Pull the trigger…..
Not only is he an obvious bust as a first round pick, but he
is a total liability to the team.
We can all see it with these clowns. So why can’t our coaches?
They are either inept or they are the puppets of people who
are inept.
I’ll keep pulling for Denver, but I’ll be shocked if we
finish better than 7-9.
Let’s make some picks before I get grumpy:
Cincinnati Bengals (+5 ½) @ Atlanta Falcons
I figured that it’s been four weeks since the
opening kickoff so I might as well screw myself by picking the Bengals.
You’re welcome Atlanta.
New York Jets @ Jacksonville Jaguars (-7 ½)
The sports lover in me wants to think that a
talented young player like Sam Darnold will take up the mantle of expectation, hoist
his team upon his shoulders, and redeem himself after a poor performance.
The part of me that isn’t a dunderhead knows
that “Buttfumble Jr.” is playing a pissed off Jags team on the road.
Jacksonville rolls here. It might be 12 to 3, but they roll
nonetheless.
Miami Dolphins @ New England Patriots (-6 ½)
For the last 3 years, the Patriots look like
they are cooked by week 4. All across
the country, the righteous lift their hands to the Gods of the Gridiron and
offer thanks that the evil among us is finally exorcised.
Then they win like 11 straight and play in the
Super Bowl again.
I truly believe that the Patriots are finally
thast “sinking ship” for which we have all longed for so many moons.
That having been said, Miami sucks.
Take the Pats to win and cover.
Philadelphia Eagles @
Tennessee Titans (+3 ½)
If I understand correctly, the Super Bowl
champion Eagles are taking a 90 minute plane ride to play a team that can’t
decide upon an injured Marcus Mariota or a crappy Blaine Gabbert to lead them
to a 15th consecutive season of mediocrity.
The aforementioned champions are still sporting an
excellent defense, and now with their starting QB back in the lineup, are only
favored by slightly more than a field goal.
If this isn’t a trap I don’t know what is.
I’m taking the Titans and the points.
2018 Record: 9-3
No comments:
Post a Comment