The Fryguy Invectives: Frey's NFL Picks: Week 1: Making Prognostication Great Again!

Before anything else is said, let us raise our voices in praise to the beloved Buffs and Broncos

A hearty bonjour friends, family, and random NFL fans who may have inadvertently stumbled upon this website!

The clamoring has become unbearable and it is abundantly clear that a proper dose of pontification and prediction is long overdue.

Fear not, for your apothecary is here and good football health can finally be achieved.

Our world has changed considerably since the last time I dusted off the old crystal ball and took pen to paper.

When last The Invectives were penned, the Bills were rebuilding….again, Phillip Rivers was a wang, the Browns were a laughing stock, and Bill Belichick’s transition into an old woman continued unabated.

Fast-forward 21 months……

Yep. Still the same.

So let us not worry about who stopped writing what for 2 years or whose readers may or may not have been neglected and get down to the business of picking games.

Atlanta Falcons (+3 ½) @ Philadelphia Eagles

Watching Nick Foles through pre-season and training camp leads me to one of the following conclusions:

a) He has Mononucleosis.

b) New England played with only 9 defenders in last year’s Super Bowl.

I’ll have to watch the tape again but I’m leaning toward Mono.

You can have a Super Bowl hangover, injuries to key positions, and sub-par quarterback play and still eke out a “W” in your home opener. Just not against quality opposition.

I like the Falcons to cover and possibly win outright.

Dallas Cowboys @ Carolina Panthers (-2 ½)

Having already established that it is not 2016, it is more than a little surprising to see the line for this game set as though it were.

Carolina is coming off an 11-5 season where they played extremely well down the stretch before dropping a heartbreaker in the playoffs to the Saints.

The Cowboys missed the playoffs entirely and only eclipsed .500 because they played a Philly team who benched damn near their entire roster having clinched home field.

I think a bus full of yahoos from Texas took a trip to Vegas and dropped a bunch of oil money on Dallas.

Get out yer cash boys, it's bettin' time!

I’ll take the better team at home all day and happily lay the points.

Los Angeles Rams (-4) @ Oakland Raiders

I have a great idea. Hear me out.

I know our defense sucks right? This is great. Just stay with me.

Let’s get rid of the best pass rusher in the NFL from an already crappy defense and get a couple mid-first round picks a couple years down the road.

If we are unconscionably lucky and everything works out perfectly, one of those picks may become almost as good as what we gave up by the time the 2023 season rolls around.

Then...BOOM!

That’s when we’ll cash in!

John Gruden at the press conference announcing his hiring as Head Coach

God Bless you John Gruden.

Admiral Akbar Special:

Buffalo Bills @ Baltimore Ravens (-6)

This may be the trappiest game I’ve seen in many moons.

Have the people betting on this game even seen Buffalo play?

Their offensive line is in shambles, Shady McCoy may or may not have been interchangeably roughing up and then bribing women, and the Bills are starting an inexperienced, inaccurate, and underwhelming quarterback against a good team in a very hostile environment.

Oh, and the quarterback we’ll be seeing isn’t their hotshot rookie. He sucks too bad to play. Say hello to last year’s mediocre rookie instead!

I’m not sure what I think about the Ravens yet, but I know for certain that Buffalo is rubbish.

If this is a trap, then I’m going after the cheese anyway.