The Fryguy Invectives: Frey's NFL Picks: Week 4

I believe an apology is in order.

And no. It’s not for going 1-3 last week on the picks you bunch of wiseasses.

I wish to sincerely apologize to our erstwhile allies across the pond in merry old England.

For how many moons have these poor blokes pined for a New England, Seattle, Pittsburgh, or Denver to roll into Wembley Park and put on a corking display of American gridiron violence only to be thoroughly buggered when the Jacksonville Jaguars show up for the 4^th year in a row.

Photo of a typical Englishman after seeing the NFL's 2016 International Schedule

If this were the 1800’s these guys would have crossed the ocean, burned down the Capital building, pee’d in our tea, and taken up residence in our homes until they extracted enough recompense to make it right.

But tell me readers, can we even offer enough to make up for 4 years of the Jaguars, Dolphins, and Raiders? Our coffers would run as dry as the desert sands before we could ever hope to redress such an injustice.

We have paid back the misdeeds of King George a hundred-fold. When Independence day next arrives and you think to celebrate our country by lighting something on fire or blowing something up with M-80’s, light a candle for the children of our old oppressors who wear Blake Bortals jerseys without truly understanding the shame.

Right then. To the picks.

Miami Dolphins @ Cincinnati Bengals (-7)

The nagging question of whether or not gingers have souls is not relevant for this particular game.

What is relevant is that Miami, at home, managed to make the Cleveland Browns look competent.

I need say no more.

Los Angeles Rams @ Arizona Cardinals (-8)

There are 2 major forces at work here that make this pick an easy one.

1) Every time Arizona gets punked, they throttle the next team they play.

2) If Jeff Fisher wins another game before losing one he will be 2 games above .500. This is a violation of natural order. An abomination. Hamas and Israelis will be dancing in the streets singing songs of friendship and they will start painting zebra stripes on donkeys.

I will NOT be on the wrong side of history.

Do the right thing and take the Cardinals here.

Detroit Lions (-3) @ Chicago Bears

I don’t care if it is impossible to distinguish photos of Detroit from those of Aleppo, the Chicago Bears are a 4-alarm dumpster fire.

Don’t bet on the dumpster fire. Ever.

Seattle Seahawks @ New York Jets (+3)

If the now small-bearded and seemingly impotent Ryan Fitzpatrick threw 6 interceptions against Kansas City’s middling secondary, then logic and math dictate that he will throw 203 interceptions against Seattle.