The Fryguy Invectives: Frey's NFL Picks: Week 3

In less time than it took the Wehrmacht to defeat the French Army, I succumbed to the dreaded 2-2 week.

I should have suspected that the Browns would somehow manage to hose me.

They didn’t even have the decency to lose the game properly, costing kind and well-meaning prognosticators like myself to miss the pick.

Who else but these senseless dunderpates can lose their second QB in as many weeks, drop their home opener because they could not resist the urge to taunt a mediocre opponent at a critical moment, and then have their best receiver who is not suspended or in jail break his hand without knowing how he did it?

Well played Cleveland. Well played.

Let’s pick then shall we?

Arizona Cardinals (-4 ½) @ Buffalo Bills

Try as I might, I cannot remember a time when a team scored 31 points and then fired their offensive coordinator.

I am virtually certain such a thing has not occurred following a game when their defense game up 37 points and 500 yards to a beardless journeyman QB who sat out the entire pre-season in a bitter contract dispute and a 73-year old running back.

Of course, having your twin brother running the defense adds a new dimension to the situation.

3-cheers for nepotism!

Yet again, Buffalo sucks. Take Arizona and give up as many points as you need. It matters not.

Los Angeles Rams @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-5)

If anyone reading this blog requires further proof of Newton’s Third Law then look no further than the Rams.

It is not possible for Jeff Fisher’s teams to put in 2 competent performances in consecutive weeks. If they do well one week, they need to play like crap the next time they take the field.

It is the order of things, and moving the team to some jerk-hole city like L.A. is not going to change the laws of physics.

Oh, and Jameis Winston steals crab legs.

Natural law demands that we take the Bucs here.

Minnesota Vikings @ Carolina Panthers (-7)

When one listens long enough to the feel-good narrative coming out of Minnesota, it becomes painfully obvious that these people are desperately trying to convince themselves that they have something they don’t.

Dropping a whopping 17 points at home on a dysfunctional Packers team has suddenly turned Sam Bradford into Joe Montana and AP’s injury into an afterthought.

Poppycock.

If Adrian Peterson can’t find running room against a mediocre Green Bay front 7, then the non-entities that back him up may as well just take a knee whenever they touch the football.

Given how fragile Bradford is, I’d be surprised if he survives the first half.

I've never seen these 2 guys in the same room together. Same dude maybe?

Take the Panthers all day here.

San Francisco 49ers @ Seattle Seahawks (-10)

This game is so trappy that even I am not going to fall into it.

Consider the following:

· Seattle is favored by more points this week than they average in total per game.
· Russel Wilson is hobbled by a high-ankle sprain.
· Marshawn Lynch’s carcass can run with greater authority than Rawles or Michael.
· Their receiving corps looks like a M*A*S*H unit.
· Pete Carrol pompously let all his good offensive linemen go.
· Seattle fans are a bunch of wangs.