The disturbance in the force that you might have felt at 7:58 PM MDT last week was the collective despair of Survivor-viewing men between the ages of 13 and 60 as lazy, top-heavy Morgan was sent home.
To her credit, she did not display near the amount of shock that I expected when she learned that bad things can sometimes happen to pretty people also.
It does seem clear, however, that she will cloak herself in that very special type of self-assurance enjoyed by chesty 20 year-old cheerleaders who look like the prow of a Viking longship, and be no worse for the wear.
I would not be surprised in the least if Morgan is back on the show in a couple seasons with Dipshit Fireman Eddie as her boyfriend in Blood vs. Water 2. It’s gonna happen people….
Rant of the Week: Is Kass Good for Anything Other than Being an Insufferable Buttholesque Lawyer?
You had one job Kass, just one job. Watch Spencer and make sure that he doesn’t find the idol.
So instead of watching Spencer, you poke around in the mud uttering platitudes in an inane attempt to justify your illogical backstabbery.
Thus, while poking at clay with a stick like a bored chimpanzee trawling for termites when he’s not even hungry, Spencer removes the idol from the wall 1 meter to your left, and puts it in his pocket.
At best, your alliance fears he might have the idol anyway and votes some poor schlemiel like Tasha out, leaving a strong player around for an extra week or two.
At worst, they vote for Spencer, he plays the idol, and then one of your Alliance mates goes home.
However, I cannot shake the certainty that JacKass, (being kind of a malevolent, bastardized version of Forrest Gump) will somehow see her game furthered by her own feckless play. She’s like the driver who has never been in an accident but has caused like fifty of them. Despite the fact that everyone around them gets screwed by her ineptitude, her insurance rates keep going down because they are “safe drivers”.
This woman has sullied the good name of ambulance chasers across the country. Shame on you, Kass. Shame on you.
Good Move of the Week:
It’s gotta be Spencer finding the idol right under Kass’ nose. It is possible, if slightly unlikely, that people may assume that he didn’t find it because Kass was, ostensibly, watching him like a hawk.
This buys him at least a week if he plays it right and since there is no strong leader asserting a calming influence over the dominant alliance, anything can happen .
If Spencer is smart, he should return to the dig site every day. This makes people suspect he may not have the idol, keeps at least one person from the dominant alliance from strategizing with their comrades, and even give him a chance to chit-chat with other players alone (a rare opportunity for people on the outs).
Spencer might even suggest that one of the people watching him found the idol, sewing dissent in a group of people addicted to paranoia.
Other Good moves:
1) Has anyone noticed that Trish (the partially mummified palates instructor) is in a very good spot right now? Everyone who really hated her is gone (Lindsey, Cliff, Morgan) and the person who underestimated her (Sarah) is now forced to acknowledge some strong play. Furthermore, the remaining players still remember that she pissed some people off early and may drag her to the end.
She’s not a threat. She’s not paranoid. She doesn’t need to eat more than 73 calories to stay at body weight. Trish has a lot going for her.
2) By saying and doing absolutely nothing, Jeffra has become the least threatening person on the island or, parhaps, the planet. She never strategizes, is mediocre in challenges, isn’t likable enough to be feared nor disliked enough to be a target.
The only offensive thing about Jeffra is the speed with which her airpit hair grows. It’s like those little black worms we played with on the 4th of July when we were kids that start off as tablets but grow into snakes when exposed to flame. As a balding man, I am more than a little envious….
3) Woo lands here by being the only person who thought it unlikely that Spencer would eat a huge dinner and then desire a leisurely stroll in a rainstorm when everyone else laid down to rest.
The fact that he found the idol clue and then ran back to camp with it was classic but Kass ruined it by being an idiot.
Dumbass Move of the Week:
The aforementioned inability of Kass to watch a guy 4 feet away from her wins this week. It’s not like someone asked her to keep an eye on the spaghetti so it doesn’t overcook or to sporadically check to see if an order confirmation came in via e-mail. Knowledge of who has that idol might well be worth a million bucks to somebody.
I guess it wouldn’t be Kass if she didn’t have her head between her buttocks at some point every episode…
Other Bad moves:
1) I know that Morgan was as good as gone in retrospect, but the smug sense of self-superiority she exuded during tribal would ensure ill-feelings among just about anyone lacking supermodel looks. Plus, has anyone noticed that Kass is still in the game? If the vote was going a different way, Kass might have changed it to Morgan at the last minute and insisted that everyone do the same or she’d change sides. Bad form cheerleader. Bad form indeed.
2) Tony needs to step back a bit from his aggressive play style. Let the heat fall on some other people. It may not burn him now, but eventually, someone is going to want to take him out if he pushes too hard.
Tony already has a history of encouraging paranoia among his partners and this, all too often, allows a mellow situation to get out of control. Frightened people do really stupid things and I don’t think Tony has enough control to harness that much uncertainty. When the collapse occurs, strong bonds like that enjoyed by LJ and Trish will have the advantage.
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