They voted off The Beard! You bastards!
I was certain that Julia was going home after they finally gave her about 15 seconds of air time…..
Matt’s wishy-washy “I don’t care who goes home as long as it is not me” plan just didn’t have the macht to survive another week. Peace be with you Mr. Beard! You will be missed.
In any event, that tribal shuffle was the most one-sided breakdown I have ever seen and it completely reset the game. Aside from Stiffler’s Mom, every strong physical player ended up with orange dye on their shirts.
I think Corinne actually threw up on herself a little bit when she saw the new lineups. She had the look of a woman who bought a winning scratch ticket only to get arrested and kicked in the shins when she walked into the lottery office to collect.
On the bright side, the strain of being on a tribe of doomed sissies has finally made Corinne incapable of keeping her yap shut so we stand to get some entertainment as her Chernobyl-esque meltdown commences. Give em hell Corinne!
You know that your tribe is in trouble when Cochran is your beef. These guys are screwed.
To the new rankings!
1) Malcolm
I cannot believe this guy’s luck. Unless the next few challenges are all World of Warcraft guild raids pitting his tribe against Cochran in his own element, Malcolm can continue to coast for at least 3 more weeks.
He’s got the power tribe. He’s got an idol. He’s got the numbers.
I don’t like the inference that he is cozying up to Reynold though. Malcolm’s likability is a major asset in the mid-game and if he allies himself with some Delta Bravo that pisses people off, it will almost certainly cause resentment among his old tribe mates.
Also, I think Andrea knows he has the idol.
2) Brenda
As expected, Brenda is quietly shooting up the longevity charts. Unlike Reynold or Dipshit Eddie, her gameplay and position didn’t require that she be placed on the power tribe in order to survive but splitting the “Stealth R’ Us” crew up only bolsters her prospects.
Thus far, it certainly appears that “Stealth R’ Brenda” is a far more effective entity than Pinky’s classified alliance that everyone knows about.
3) Andrea
With any and all stresses removed from her environment, I suspect that Andrea can stop her crying and start scheming again without the burden of emotion.
“I had a dream that you had the idol”?
Horseshit. Andrea may have dreams about Malcolm but the bulge in her visions sure as hell does not involve a hidden immunity idol.
Her statement was nothing more than a ploy to see how he reacted to such a thing without actually saying she knows.
The root of the issue is thus:
1) Is Malcolm enough of an “accomplished liar when it comes to women” to fool a plotter like Andrea?
2) If she does know Malcolm has the idol, what does she do about it?
The answers to the above questions will determine Andrea’s future in this game now that Corinne has been taken out of the picture for the next few weeks at the very least.
4) Reynold
Reynold has an opportunity here.
The tribal re-stack just saved his bacon and (unlike his dumbass friend Eddie) he knows it.
The problem with Reynold is that if someone of slightly less than medium-sized brain like Erik sees him as the pompous and shifty “Guy Smiley” that he is, it is almost certain that Andrea and Brenda do as well.
However, barring some really weird challenge or a “both tribes go to tribal” twist, it will be at least 3 weeks before anyone from this tribe sees the council area.
This fact, coupled with his idol, make Reynold our huge climb of the week.
5) Erik
It is vexing to me that Erik so clearly sees right through Reynold’s façade within minutes of spending any appreciable time with him but foolishly formed a very public bond with a certifiably deranged Brandon Hantz..
Better late than never I guess, but I am beginning to think Erik had better form a side alliance with all the girls if he wants to make anywhere near the finals.
It is impossible for me to tell exactly what Erik’s gameplan might be because Erik doesn’t know what Erik’s gamplan might be.
Still, I really like The Doors so I gotta root for this guy.
6) Eddie
Ah to live for just a moment in the striking clarity that makes up Eddie’s existence.
The first thing out of Dipshit Eddie’s mouth was not “Man this shuffle really saved my ass” or “This affords me the opportunity to change up my game” or even “Holy crap! Our tribe is sick! We’ll wipe the floor with those guys!”
No, No, No. The Unlikable Fireman says, “We’re the good looking tribe”.
The world is not divided into good and evil. There is no West vs. East, Catholic vs. Protestant; Capitalism vs. Socialism, or Have’s vs Have Nots.
Rightly, everything can and should be divided into “Pretty vs Not Pretty.”
Either the editors caught Eddie sleeping with every one of their wives and husbands and really want to stick it to him in a rage induced thirst for revenge, or this guy is just an arsehole.
Whatever the cause of his negative portrayal, he’s on the strong tribe and has the protection of Reynold, who may realize that Eddie is only guy in the Philippians more unlikable than he is.
We will need to suffer Dumbass Eddie for at least 3 more weeks.
7) Sherri
Stiffler’s Mom is one of those players that was going to rank at the bottom of whichever tribe she ended up on.
She is weak in challenges, both of her confidants (Laurie and Shamar) were axed by her own alliance, and she comes off as kind of imperious.
While the re-shuffle virtually guarantees that she will make it to the merge (hence her relatively high ranking), Sherri can’t shut the hole in her face around camp.
One never knows what might happen in this game to shake things up.
Erik might get his flowing locks stuck in a barracuda. Eddie might finally realize he’s on a reality show and run off into the forest never to be heard from again. Andrea might panic again for some reason and attempt to oust Malcolm.
Running your mouth about how much you hate the people on your tribe just before the merge is pretty stupid.
Stiffler’s Mom’s list of friends is very thin. Her ineptitude in challenges is her only protection at this point but in order for that to be effective you have to be off the radar.
8) Cochran
Much like the immortal Farmer Ted from the iconic 80’s film Sixteen Candles, Cochran can rightly be labeled “King of the Dipshits”.
Strategically, he is no worse off than he was before the split but since it is almost assured that his tribe will be in council the next 3 weeks under current conditions, he’s gotta rank lower than even Sherri.
The only danger on the horizon for the dungeon master is the fat that 3 people need to leave before the merge and there are only 2 people outside his alliance left as ballast.
I suspect that Phillip and Corinne will snipe at each enough that one of them will end up on the block at the final pre-merge council so I am not overly concerned for Cochran.
9) Dawn
Unfortunately, Dawn was unable to start a new “no crying” streak this week.
The only person on national TV that I have ever seen cry this much was Rebecca Howe from Cheers.
It happens so much now that I can no longer remember the context of each breakdown. I am seriously concerned with Dawn’s ability to stay hydrated with all the moisture she’s losing through her eyes. It is only for this reason that she rates below Cochran this week.
On the bright side, she is almost certainly incapable of suffering the type of eye injury that resulted in Shamar’s departure. If sand, or leaves, or monkey poop falls in her eye unexpectedly, there is 73% chance she will already by crying about something and disaster will be averted.
10) Phillip
“Everyone underestimates me because of my pink panties.”
If I had a nickel for every time I heard that I wouldn’t need to work for The Man.
Phillip may have actually increased his survivability as the remaining members of the Favorites on the tribe of well-meaning bumblers are now entirely reliant upon solidarity to make it to the merge.
I have reversed my position from last week that Corinne would outmuscle him in a power struggle. The Specialist is surprisingly unflappable during times of stress and can create little fantasies in his own mind to keep him from melting down or lashing out.
He will need this when it comes time to jockey for position at the final pre-merge council and it looks like Corinne’s tenuous ability to stay in her happy place is beginning to collapse.
11) Corrine
I predicted last week that Corrine would be in serious trouble if the split didn’t go favorable for her.
The only way it might have gone worse is if she ended up as the sole Favorite on a tribe full of Fans. The look on her face when they lined everyone up after the shuffle was that of a woman getting lined up to get shot and not that of someone eager to get into her new tribe.
Watching Corinne forfeit all semblance of self-control is going to be a blast to watch and her power struggle with The Specialist has the potential to be epic.
At this moment, Corinne reminds me of Ned Flanders from The Simpsons right before he completely snaps and starts going off on everyone. Click here and you'll see why I make this comparison .
Being nice causes Corinne physical pain and an explosion is imminent.
I also believe that she has done herself a grave disservice in loudly, proudly, and frequently proclaiming her desire to play the game with “her gay”(Michael).
1) These repeated statements serve to verbally reduce a strong but unlucky player to nothing more than a reflection of his sexual preference, making Corinne even more unlikable than she already is.
2) It seems reasonable to infer that she is a flop risk when she says “I need to play the game with a gay” and “I am glad to have my gay”. A woman in her position should be less concerned with whom Michael likes to bugger and more worried about surviving past the final pre-merge vote.
Corrine needs to re-discover some Zen or she’s toast. It is likely she is underestimating Phillip because of his pink panties.
12) Michael
Poor Michael.
Not only did he go from a position of power (albeit with fewer numbers) on his tribe but he now has to suffer the dishonor be being Corrine’s “Gay”.
There is nothing like a bitter and disingenuous shrew adopting you as a pet lapdog, and reminding everyone in America that she considers you her bitch.
His only hope is to turn on Julia and then, somehow, seize upon Phillip and Corrine’s dislike for each other and get one of them voted off.
If that can be accomplished, he needs to hope that whoever remains will become so insufferable (Corrine) or so unstable (Phillip) that Dawn and Cochran decide to take Michael to the merge.
Not likely. Sorry you drew the purple egg.
13) Julia
I don’t know what is more surprising:
a) That Julia can talk
Or
b) She is even more boring after speaking than she was when she said nothing.
To be perfectly honest, I actually jumped in my seat when they showed her alone in front of the camera and what seemed to be words started coming from her mouth.
I suspect I would have had the same reaction if I returned home and one of the rabbits that infests my yard starting hurling Winston Churchill quotes at me.
It is only the shock at the realization that Julia is still on the island and appears to have the gift of speech that kept me from lapsing into unconsciousness at how boring she is.
It would be quite funny if she made it to the jury though. I can already see her walking up to question finalists only to be interrupted with shouts of “wait a sec, who the %$#& are you?”
Alas, it will not be so. Barring a Miracle on Ice style victory in the next challenge or a serious injury to another player, I can’t see any way that what’s her name stays longer that 1 or 2 more weeks.
Matt—Ranked #10 of 14 when voted out in week 6.
Brandon—Ranked #15 out of 15 when voted out week 5
Laurie—Ranked #12 out of 16 when voted out week 4
Shamar—Ranked #17 out 17 when he left the game
Hope—Ranked #17 of 18 when voted out week 3
Allie—Rated “Poor” when voted out week 2
Francesca—rated “Poor” when voted out week 1
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