Well my friends, as expected, the pretty but catastrophically slow-minded and inconsequential Hope was voted out.
It was fairly obvious about 15 minutes into the episode that Hope was going home as the editors feverishly tried to scrounge some face time for her so that we actually knew she was on the tribe before getting axed.
What was not expected was that Shamar, in a brief moment of peaceful lucidity, threw Hope an unexpected life-vest at great personal risk and she not only sold him out to the pompous pretty-boys club, but then chopped it into a million pieces, threw it in the fire, and then acted surprised that she was voted out.
While I do not like looking at ugly people prance around in skimpy swimwear, I desperately hope that this fiasco will entice the producers to find pretty people who do not have the IQ of golf bags.
Let’s hit the rankings shall we?
1) Malcolm
No change here.
We was a badass before last week’s episode and now he has an idol. Moreover, they seem to have found someone else to toss things from time to time so his inability to match Reynold in this regard is no longer so glaring.
It may be wise for him and Corinne to tone down their frequent and undoubtedly special chats given that Andrea is starting to take notice but I can’t shake the feeling that the editors are trying to drum up some drama where none exists.
If the target on Corinne gets too large, he may wish to cozy up with Brenda as she is looking for a way in.
2) Dawn
It is tough to tell just what type of game Dawn is playing here.
From what I can tell on screen, she is not involving herself in the plotting and constant strategizing that defines Andrea’s strategy thus far and this is a definite boon in the early game.
She may not have personal control of the votes but she doesn’t need to care about that yet. A good cry every week or so and people will keep thinking she’s a sissy.
The waterworks may not take her to a million bucks but I guarantee she won’t get any traffic tickets while on the island.
3) Corrine
Regardless of the idol situation, I cannot move her rank up above Dawn for the simple reason that she constantly acts like a teenage girl from the 60’s who accidentally rubbed up against one of the Beatles every time Malcolm enters the building.
There are little 2-man alliances popping up all over the tribe, but I don’t think anyone is worried that Andrea and “The Specialist” will start canoodling in the shelter or that Dawn and Cochran will make the beast with two backs.
Still, her alliance-mate is reliable, strong, likable, and discreet. She’s in a pretty good spot for now.
4) Cochran
With the Fans tribe falling apart at the seams, it appears less likely each week that the dungeon master will become an early casualty of challenge attrition.
This guy is so physically unimposing that Hope the beauty queen could have kicked his ass so he will almost certainly get overlooked when people start to survey the landscape for threats.
If the Favorites rattle off a couple more wins, Cochran is in business but he should take a page out of Dawn’s book and avoid getting sucked into the needless plotting that Andrea seems to prefer.
5) Andrea
I don’t like having her ranked this high but unless the Fans tribe can stop shooting themselves in their own collective asses, Andrea remains here almost by default.
Thus far in the game, Andrea has involved herself in about every mini-power grab shown to us by the editing crew. The team is not even losing challenges and she’s trying to create rifts in her own alliance.
It’s a little too early to start cannibalizing one’s own comrades.
It’s definitely too early to bring in people outside your own alliance to help you cannibalize.
And it’s WAY too early to bring Smeagol Hantz into your confidence as he is just as likely to poop in the rice and then go tell Malcolm tomorrow what you are doing then he is to help you vote off a rival.
Step carefully here Andrea. Boston Rob you are not.
6) Brenda
I think Brenda is still on the show so I like where she sits.
This ranking is based more on gut instinct than upon any sort of empirical evidence as the only words we heard from Brenda in 210 minutes of programing are that Cochran looks like a little pregnant lady and that she is threatened by Andrea.
I don’t think “Stealth R’ Us: The Pink Panty’s Revenge” is very long for this world as the founder is an annoying crazy man and one of the founding members is already looking for ways to dissolve it.
I believe that Brenda will either:
a) Fill the power vacuum left when the smoke clears between Andrea and Corrine.
or
b) Disappear from the show entirely leaving us all wondering if she was ever there to begin with.
7) Michael
The general dysfunction of the Fans tribe ensures that nobody from that motley band ranks any higher than #7
Michael is the Fans’ equivalent of Dawn, quietly observing what’s going on and letting the idiots and power-whores snipe at each other.
Like most 40+ something balding men, this guy is a stud. I do sense that he may have a run-in with Sherri for control but that point is a few weeks away.
8) Sherri
Stiffler’s Mom really showed me something last week with her ability to assuage angry war heroes and keep her alliance intact in the face of adversity with a calm and controlled demeanor.
She does, however, exhibit the condescending arrogance you would expect from someone who bosses around hundreds of people on a daily basis and I believe this will eventually begin to weigh on the rest of the tribe.
If this arrogance manifests itself with rigid inflexibility when it comes to the “Protect Shamar at All Costs” plan, she’ll find herself on the outs really fast.
9) Matt
He’s bald Michael’s buddy.
If his tats don’t cause the Drill Sergeant to freak out on him before Sherri is ready to cut the proverbial cord on the “Protect Shamar” plan then he’ll make it to the merge just by equivocating.
10) Phillip
I guess being crazy as @#$% does indeed offer one protection on this tribe.
Phillip has now become the unstable but harmless Uncle who makes you burst out laughing when he leaves the camp.
I am not sure if he can keep it together long enough, but if he avoid becoming too imperious with his own alliance members, people from both tribes are going to be falling over themselves to take Phillip with them to the finals once the merge happens.
11) Julia
There is a girl on the Fans tribe named Julia.
If they interview her a lot next week, she’s probably getting voted out.
12) Laura
The huge drop of the week belongs to panicky Laura.
I have never seen a player in such a good position within the game work themselves into such a tizzy over non-existent threats.
The fact that she thought there was even the slightest chance that the Drill Sergeant would ally himself with people whom he might end up killing in the jungle next week is laughable and shows that her mental faculties have evaporated under the strain of the game.
The only thing worse than approaching Reynold the bag-tosser to tell him that you will vote for Shamar is to tell Reynold the bag-tosser that you will vote for Shamar and then NOT vote for Shamar.
When this little gem gets made public, everyone in her alliance is going to know what an unreliable flake she is. Shamar may also yell a bit about it…..
13) Erik
Well…..his buddy didn’t burn the camp down I guess but he really needs to hope that Phillip’s troop of intrepid adventurers has a small civil war of sorts.
No reason to downgrade Eric too much at this time as they will almost certainly vote out the bean-pee’er before they vote out the guy who befriended the bean-pee’er.
14) Brandon
The editing from last week took what Brandon said a little bit out of context.
We wasn’t saying he was going to pee in the rice and beans and burn the camp down, he was simply mentioning the circumstances in which he would pee in the rice and beans and burn the camp down.
Anyway, he may get some minor protection if Andrea is really stupid enough to think this guy will be loyal and but I think someone needs to get hurt or quit for Hantz to have a shot should there be a tribal this week.
15) Reynold
A lot of people have been speaking of Reynold’s unbearable arrogance.
He is a handsome, affluent, master-bag-tossing real estate professional from San Francisco who stupidly joined an elitist alliance with 33% fewer members than the people they chose to exclude.
Yeah this guy is arrogant, and along with Eddie it is almost painful to watch these assheads gang up on the tormented, African-American war veteran who is battling the unquiet ghosts of his past.
Unfortunately, they happen to be right regarding their criticisms of Shamar.
If Hitler claims rain is wet it does not make it false just because of who is making the claim.
He’s good in challenges, has an idol, is smarter than Dipshit Eddie, and not as intolerable around camp. I think he has 2-3 more weeks.
16) Eddie
Unless I am mistaken, slow-witted Eddie appears to have come to the realization that pitting 4 against 6 in a numbers game may not pay the dividends he expected.
Man I would have loved to play a game of “War” with this guy…….
Firemen all over the World are rightfully hanging their heads in shame.
He’s a dumb and boring Reynold without an idol.
17) Shamar
I feel horrible for this guy.
We saw a glimpse last week of the baggage he takes with him every day as well as a man capable of kindness as he risked his position to try to save someone (Hope) from a fate he did not feel was deserved.
I think putting traumatized war veterans on Survivor is almost criminal and the producers should be ashamed of themselves. They knew exactly what was going to happen and so do I.
Shamar will be unable to stop screaming at people who cannot possibly understand him.
You can pity the villain for what happened to him to make him as he is, but society cannot indulge the actions.
I don’t think the tribe will be able to endure another week of abuse should they wind up in tribal this go-around.
For Gods’ sake, let this guy go home…..
Hope—Ranked #17 of 18 when voted out week 3
Allie—Rated “Poor” when voted out week 2
Francesca—rated “Poor” when voted out week 1
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