This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.
--TS Eliot
Ahhhh Shamar. Loud, lazy, belligerent, bellicose Shamar. I cannot possibly think of a more appropriate end to his reign of terror than to see him hop on the back of a boat, suddenly rejuvenated by his outstanding luck in being able to quit without having to actually quit.
This entire saga with his eye reminded me of the “million dollar wound” combat soldiers would dream of as they perished in the trenches. Good luck in your new career as a professional wrestler Shamar!
Shamar’s unplanned exit spelled doom for panicky Laurie, already a terrible liability on any challenge that required the use of arms, legs, hands, or feet. I can’t believe that she ran out of steam trying to open locks…..
The Fans tribe got stronger last week and, maybe, they can even the odds a bit before the merge. If the previews I keep seeing on CBS are any indication, this may finally be a possibility.
To the rankings!
1) Malcolm
What a great position for this guy to be in. He’s got an idol, the unwavering love and dedication of a smitten Corrine, and without a known track record, even Andrea the scheming machine isn’t worrying about his threat potential.
If this isn’t enough for the affable Malcolm, there are 2 crazy people on the island who are almost certain to get offed before anyone starts to consider weeding him out.
What I like most about Malcolm’s game thus far is that he kicks arse in each challenge, but then lets “The Specialist” eke out close victories week after week to absorb much needed glory.
Note to Eddie: Not all “pretty people” need be stupid and pompous.
2) Dawn
Dawn hasn’t cried this week or called anyone “a meanie” so I can’t justify any demotion here.
It was a pretty boring week for Dawn but that’s the fault of editing not the professor.
She’s not going anywhere for a while.
3) Cochran
I continue to be impressed with both Cochran’s luck and his game thus far.
His tribe is far enough ahead in numbers that he can continue to sit out physical challenges and avoid having his extreme inadequacies spotlighted as befell Laura from the Fans.
When he is finally forced into challenges, it usually involves doing something sissy like opening 1 or 2 locks or squeezing his Ichabod Crane-esque frame between tribe mates on a small platform.
Things are falling in place for this guy right now on all levels and I confess that I hope he sticks around awhile to continue his entertaining and perceptive confidential commentaries.
4) Corrine
What happened to the spitfire who heaped scorn and venom upon poor Sugar a few seasons back?
Corrine has become so uncontroversial that she should look into driving race cars like that really boring brown-haired chick from the Fans tribe.
I don’t think the editors did anything but show shots of her butt for the last episode and a half. If she is not careful, Phillip may become jealous as he is accustomed to the most frequent panty-time on the small-screen.
Laying low may reduce her entertainment value for us, but solidifies her a spot in the top 5 yet again.
5) Andrea
The last episode focused so heavily on the disintegrating Fans tribe that I have no reason to bump her up or drop her down this week.
I thought it was cute that she got jealous when Phillip gave names to the rest of the tribe. I too hate it when middle-aged crazy men in pink panties share their emotional largesse with people outside my immediate circle.
I guess this explains why she so remorselessly hit on that poor Filipino gentleman during the reward. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned…..
6) Brenda
I believe that Brenda’s position will only become stronger as the game progresses.
It is only a matter of time before the crazy men go crazy, the catty women get catty, and the tribes get mixed up or combined.
A power vacuum benefits Erik and Brenda more than anyone else on the island.
If the tribe is smart, they will either vote her off soon, or make her think that she is an integral part of their alliance, because we have seen what Brenda can do in this game in both challenges and in strategy.
7) Michael
Our first Fan.
The vote last week shows me that Moby is firmly in control of this tribe.
Even though he was reluctant to pull the trigger, he acknowledged the wisdom of voting off Laurie if the tribe had any hopes of winning another challenge and saw to it that she was removed.
To top it off, he seems to have a soothing effect on Dipshit Eddie so if they decide to start up “The Man Show” he will have their gratitude and respect.
Nobody from either tribe is looking at Michael as a personal threat and this should enable him to go deep in the game if any fans make it to the merge.
If he and Matt are smart, they dump the ladies and team up with Reynold and Eddie. If the pompous and unlikeable meathead guys make it to the group of 10, everyone is going to be gunning for them first, buying Moby and the Beard 2 more tribals at the least.
8) Matt
I have no idea how this guy can do all these water challenges.
That beard has to weigh like 80 pounds when waterlogged. He’s going to have neck muscles like Hulk Hogan before this season ends if he makes it a few more weeks.
While it was Matt who championed the “get rid of the dead weight” strategy during last week’s tribal, it was Michael who made the ultimate decision so it's not like he's running the show here.
Matt has been pretty wishy-washy this season and I believe that even his buddy Michael is starting to think he may be too flaky to be relied upon.
9) Julia
She may be boring, but…..
well……
uh……
Did I mention she drives race cars?
10) Phillip
Let me tell you why I keep putting Phillip near the bottom of the Favorites.
Even before the semi-spoiler previews came out for this week’s episode, I always knew that Phillip and Brandon would eventually meet in a battle of craziness.
Even if Phillip isn’t the one acting crazy when the battle occurs, it draws attention to his foibles nonetheless.
It’s kind of like when you go to a nice restaurant on a date with some chick you don’t really know. If she starts freaking out and screaming gibberish, the people watching the exchange assume that you are in some way responsible for her behavior or, perhaps, are equally as demented.
If and when it comes to a head, Phillip may survive the encounter, but since everyone already knows he is a dellusional mad-man, he will be damaged nonetheless.
A difficult exchange with Smeagol may be just the thing to finally break The Specialist's already tenuous hold on sanity.
A difficult exchange with Smeagol may be just the thing to finally break The Specialist's already tenuous hold on sanity.
11) Erik
Given what I have seen thus far, Erik has a number of things going against him:
1) He is on the outs with the current dominant alliance
2) He wears the same hairstyle he did 4 years ago when he was making dumb decisions. If the hair is the same after all this time, why should we expect a change in his decision-making skills?
3) He is a badass in challenges which means, should he make it to the merge, he will be viewed as a threat.
2) He wears the same hairstyle he did 4 years ago when he was making dumb decisions. If the hair is the same after all this time, why should we expect a change in his decision-making skills?
3) He is a badass in challenges which means, should he make it to the merge, he will be viewed as a threat.
He is not as savvy as Brenda and may not be able to exploit an opening as readily unless she drags him with her. In this event, he becomes Brenda’s monkey and is really no more powerful than he already is in this game.
The best thing he can do now is to get in a fist fight with Brandon while protecting Dawn and Cochran from a beat down.
12) Sherri
Just as she jumped up the board last week so has she dropped down this round.
Shamar’s early departure was crippling to Stiffler’s Mom in 2 ways:
1) Just as she was his champion so was he hers. Without his vote, she is now at the whim of Michael and Matt as to how the tribe goes forward
2) Shamar’s absence allowed Laurie to get wiped out for being dead weight. As I recall, Sherri was the only person on either tribe to miss breaking her tile on the first try. She knows she is a liability and so does everyone else.
The winds are changing on the Fans tribe and if they lose another close challenge due to a gaffe on her part, her days are over.
13) Eddie
As much as it pains me to move up a guy who seems to believe that the world is and should be divided between those who are pretty and those who are not, I am compelled to kick his rank up a notch.
There is a very real possibility that the tribal loyalties will reform as Matt and Michael are confronted with the possibility of taking likable and non-threatening women to the merge with even fewer numbers.
Plus Eddie is really dumb so nobody is worried about some glorious ruse or clever coup from this guy. If I could, I would rate him and Stiffler’s mom and 12A and 12B but I’m not a candy-ass when it comes to prognostication.
14) Reynold
With the end so near for the bag-tosser, I have been considering Reynold's play thus far:
1) It was not Reynold but Eddie who founded the alliance of good-looking donkeys.
2) Reynold almost singlehandedly won 3 challenges that his teammates botched out of the
gate.
gate.
3) He works very hard around camp and was generally friendly to everyone except Shamar,
who was deserving of disdain for his behavior and work ethic.
who was deserving of disdain for his behavior and work ethic.
Reynold's trouble boils down to his violating one of the cardinal sins of Survivor:
If you argue with an idiot, people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
Despite all he has done for his tribe, he will be remembered as the guy who brought drama to the camp by sparring with the Drill Sergeant and this will knock him out before dipshit Eddie the mathematically challenged fireman.
His only hope is to talk Matt and Michael into a “Man Show” alliance of strength. If he fails at this, or if the tribes do not re-shuffle, he is done at the next vote.
15) Brandon
We have all seen what happens next week and I must confess that I am extremely disappointed in Brandon.
Anybody can dump rice and beans on the ground.
Anybody can dump rice and beans on the ground.
It takes a REAL man to pee and poop in other people’s food.
What a bait and switch.
For shame Brandon. For shame.
Laurie—Ranked #12 out of 16 when voted out week 4
Shamar—Ranked #17 out 17 when he left the game
Hope—Ranked #17 of 18 when voted out week 3
Allie—Rated “Poor” when voted out week 2
Francesca—rated “Poor” when voted out week 1
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