Allow me, my friends, to break from the usual
levity of my picks to relay to you my absolute disgust with the Dallas Cowboys,
their plastic owner, and the NFL Players Association.
For those of you who were not aware, Deadspin
released police photos and report showing the violence of Cowboys DL Greg Hardy’s
vicous assault upon his ex-girlfriend.
Roger Goodell is a buffoon in many ways, but even
he of the Ray Rice / Adrian Peterson fiascoes upheld the suspension from last
year and tried to levy a 10-game ban on this scumbag.
In a manner that somehow makes perfect sense
to union supporters world-wide, the NFLPA valiantly decided that no matter how
terrible the individual or reprehensible the crime, Greg Hardy was deserving of
the full legal, political, and financial muscle available to the union.
As a result of these efforts and the fact
that a left-leaning judge presided over the appeal, the ban was reduced to a
duration less than that of someone who got caught smoking weed a second time.
Beat the #$%& out of a woman, slam her
into the tile, throw her onto a futon laden with loaded assault rifles, and
then choke the life out of her until she begs for death: 4-game suspension.
Load a bowl with your buddies: 6-game
suspension.
Good job Players Union. Good job.
Under normal circumstances, this might be an irrelevance
as nobody in the league was going to touch this guy with a 10-foot pole
right? Nope. In steps the
Dallas Cowboys and their soulless owner Jerry Jones who decided that a pass-rush
specialist who assaults women is too valuable be left without a multi-million
dollar contract.
Upon his return, Hardy has done the
following:
1)
Joked about returning “guns-a-blazin” and
made misogynistic comments about the wives and girlfriends of other players.
2)
Screamed at the special teams coach and
knocked his clipboard out of his hand in the middle of a game.
3)
Got in a shouting match with Dallas’ star receiver
(himself a notorious loose-cannon) who told him to calm down.
He’s only been back for 3 weeks.
Jerry Jones not only refuses to discipline
this clown, but has actually doubled down on his decision to sign him, publicly stating that hardy is a “real leader” and “we need more people like
him.”
 |
| This guy also thinks Greg Hardy is a "team leader" |
I never thought it possible, but I seem to
have found a team to hate more than the Patriots.
Jacksonville Jaguars @ New York Jets (-4
½)
Only
the resurgence of Blake Bortals and the Jags’ running game keeps this from
being the trap game of the week.
Sadly,
this game is so boring to me in just about all aspects that I cannot even find anything
funny to say about it.
Wait
a sec….
Nope….
Too
boring.
Take
the Jets here.
Philadelphia
Eagles (-2 ½) @ Dallas Cowboys
If
there is any chance that there is a benevolent creator living in the heavens
who actually watches and cares about us, then Dallas cannot possibly win this
game after what we saw and heard from these guys.
This
is the “atheist vs. evangelical” pick of the week.
 |
| Let's put this debate to bed once and for all this week. |
In
the spirit of Pascal, I’m going Eagles.
New York
Giants @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+2 ½)
The tone
set by my rant leading up to the picks seems to have given my gut the
confidence it needs to override my brain.
I
just can’t shake the feeling that Jameis Winston may have found some mojo and a
strong performance in Tampa can break the streak of home-game ineptitude.
This
is a gut-pick. Nothing more. Hank Hill would be pissed.
 |
| Sorry Hank. I gotta do this. |
I’m
taking the Bucs.
Atlanta
Falcons (-4 ½) @ San Francisco
49ers
Blain
Gabbert?!?!
The poor
man’s Danny Kannel is your new starting QB?
 |
| Picard reacts to hearing who will be starting at QB for the 9ers. |
Yeah. This is a trap.
Week 8
Record: 2-1-1
Season Record:
21-10-1
Trap Game
Record: 4-4
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