And just like that, the regular season hath
cometh to a close.
There were, to be fair, some unforeseen happenings:
·
San Francisco
missed the Playoffs
·
Dallas
played a stellar December and won the NFC East
·
The Fryguy
finished above .500 against the spread (35-33)
·
I
still have no idea what the hell happened to the Saints.
Generally, however, things pretty much went
as per usual:
·
Denver,
New England, Seattle and Green Bay won their divisions.
·
Jacksonville,
Tampa, Oakland, and the Jets sucked
·
Bill
Belichick mumbled through press conferences while John Fox punted on first down
·
The
Bills missed the playoffs
Now that the real season is here, I intend to
step up the game a bit and add a little extra reasoning to my selections.
Arizona (+6.5) @ Carolina
I am shocked at how swollen the Carolina bandwagon has become.
 |
| The Carolina Panthers heading into week 14 |
4 weeks ago, the Panthers were a 3-8-1 dumpster fire and the
Cardinals were a scrappy team that always seemed to find a way to win despite
an obscene number of injuries to key positions.
As we head into tomorrow, the roles look to have reversed but
let us not forget some important facts before we try to determine who is
trending in which direction:
1)
Arizona is playing with
their 3rd string QB. 3rd
string QB’s always suck for a couple weeks because they never get any reps
during training camp, pre-season, or during the season itself. Lindley looked competent against the 49ers last
week and I expect this trend to continue.
2)
Carolina’s last 4 wins
came against the train wreck Saints, the worst team in the NFL (Tampa),
Cleveland in Manziel’s debacle, and a losing team in Atlanta who insisted on
turning the ball over repeatedly. I bet
the freaking Jets could have gone 4-0 against those clowns and probably covered
more than twice.
3)
The Panthers make their
living running the ball. Arizona excels
at stopping the run.
4)
Carolina is a losing
team. Sub .500 teams should not be
giving up a touchdown in playoffs games.
It will be close, but if the Cards can continue to stifle the
ground game and contain Greg Olson, I think they will not only cover but win
outright.
Baltimore @ Pittsburgh (-2.5)
This is a game of contradictory statistical
certainties.
On one hand, Joe Flacco has never lost a
wildcard game in his career.
On the other, Pittsburgh has never lost a
playoff game to Baltimore.
If this were the regular season I would not
touch this game but only a real candy-ass comes this far and then gets squeamish.
I am hearing a lot of talk about Le’Veon Bell
being out, but as I recall, it was Big Ben throwing 6 TD’s in a 43-23 stomping
that made the difference last time.
Take the home team to cover even if their
fans all wave those dumbass towels around like a bunch of idiots.
 |
| The sexiest man in Pittsburgh heads into work. |
Cincinnati @ Indianapolis (-3.5)
The history in this game is a little more one-sided than the
Steelers-Ravens.
Aside from the fact that Marvin Lewis is the poor man’s Norv
Turner, the story of the Andy Dalton-led Bengals has always followed the same
theme:
Big Game, Big Stage, Big Disappointment. If history is any indication, Dalton will be
shaking like a Frenchman in a thunderstorm by halftime.
Ginger quarterbacks suck in the playoffs. There are no 2-ways about it.
I’ll take the Civil War General even if he has to drag around
the always underwhelming Chuck Pagano kicking and screaming into the next
round.
 |
| This game is about history and so is Brigadier General Luck |
Detroit @ Dallas (-6.5)
Unlike Dalton, Romo doesn’t suck in the playoffs, he usually
craps the bed before they get there.
Dallas has an exemplary O-line and looks nothing like the confused
dunderpates that typically stagger their way into the New Year.
My sources tell me that a ton of the smart coin is starting
to come in for Detroit.
Like all the other money that ever makes its way toward
Detroit, it’s just gonna end up in some crack-head’s pipe and not performing any meaningful service.
 |
| This kid got it right. It takes more than stomping on people's injured legs and kicking a fallen man in the penis to win a road playoff game. |
Dallas covers but only barely.
Season Record against
the spread: 35-33
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