Finally.
After what has seemed like an eternity, a group of people
stranded in Nicaragua together for the chance to win a million dollars have
started acting like they are playing for a million dollars.
Except for Keith.
That guy is a dipshit.
I have seen people do really dumb things in the game because
they treated it like it was a big frat party:
 |
| Fireman Eddie |
I have seen people do dumb things in this game because they
are pompous douche-bag lawyers who can’t draw breath unless it be to aid them in doing
something dickish to other human beings:
 |
| Kass the Butthole Attorney |
We have seen players do incredibly foolish things because
they are naïve:
 |
| Eric the Ice cream guy and Jim Morrison Lookalike |
Because they are reprehensible human beings:
 |
| Colton the Lord Farquaad clone |
Or even because they are crazy:
 |
| And by "Crazy" I mean psychologically imbalanced. |
But never have I seen a player on Survivor simply be
too stupid to play the game without even a hint of artifice.
It was a totally prescient moment when they showed Keith
confiding to the camera that he had difficulty with things like diplomacy,
planning, and arithmetic.
In fact, Keith seems to have no remarkable qualities whatsoever
aside from having an endless reservoir of spittle to draw upon. Seriously.
Why does this guy have to spit all the time? Did he find a hidden stash of chewing tobacco
somewhere? Is he trying to spit out all
of the stupid?
Apparently he didn't spit out enough dipshittery to save his
alliance because yelling “stick to the plan” to someone with who you are
supposed to have no affiliation is one of the dumbest things I have ever seen
on this show.
Until that moment, to my shock, Reed’s “Rube Goldberg” plan
was going to actually work. If Keith had
simply thrown up on his own lap and complained that all women were bitches, it
would have been far better for his alliance.
 |
| A simplified Diagram of Reed's Plan. You think Keith understood the intricacies? |
Despite this, Jon, amazingly, STILL seemed reluctant to use
the idol until Natalie (the only player other than Reed who seems to be able to
think more than 1 move ahead) suggested that he might consider saving his own
ass.
If I were Miss Michigan, I’d fire this idiot and start
looking for someone who is not going to trade your family cow for magic beans.
There are only 2 people left on the island who are worthy of
the million bucks and they are named Natalie and Reed.
As it stands now, I give my weekly endorsement to Natalie
and here’s why:
Natalie also wants to get rid of Jon but realized that
senseless dunderpates make for dangerous allies in Survivor and chose to save
Jon (knowing he would still be a target) while ensuring that she would leave
tribal with the only hidden immunity idol.
Reed’s plan was bold but it was too complex. In order to succeed it required people from
both his alliance and the other to be totally on board and to be cognizant enough
of the situation to be able to practice at least a rudimentary display of
duplicity.
A major part of winning Survivor
is to develop the ability to adapt yourself to the styles, intellect, and
worldview of many disparate people. I am unsure, thus far, if Reed will be able to
dumb it down enough for the remaining baboons to help carry him to the end.
Ideally, I would love to see Reed and Natalie take control
of this game but I have a strong feeling that they are both too savvy to allow
the other to remain unmolested for more than a couple of weeks at most.
That having been said, if these guys can keep it up another
couple weeks I may start getting into this season after all.
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