Survivor 29: San Juan Del Sur: Blood Versus Water. Rice Rice Baby

Somehow, I feel let down.

When I saw Jeff Probst strutting up the beach schlepping a big ol’ bag of rice on his shoulder I gleefully anticipated some serious fireworks.

Instead, Jeff just kind of bitched them out and then took their pillows.

Somewhere off in the distance, Nelson Muntz can be heard shouting, "Ha-Ha!"

Granted, I am only privy to the edited film and am not sure what, if anything, occurred behind the scenes, but why did those candy-asses let this DB saunter into their camp, drop a bag of plain white rice on the ground, and steal their crap?

Grow some balls you sissies!  Jeremy the Constantly Agitated Fireman was the only guy on the island who wanted to stand fast and, for that, he has my respect.

The tribe needed to tell Probst to bugger off for the following obvious reasons:

1)      Because of the damn liberals, TV producers hardly ever allow people to starve to death on their reality shows any more.

A picture of camp just after the completion of Survivor Guatemala 10 years ago

2)      Starving people are lethargic people.  Lethargic people make for crappy television.  Crappy TV makes for bad ratings.  Bravely refuse the food and CBS would be serving you free kebobs before sundown.

3)      With the numbers as they are, the merge is certain to be imminent.  Eat roots, tree bark, howler monkeys, whatever.  You are going to want that tarp pretty damn bad when the typhoon hits at some point in the next 3 weeks.

Winner of the week:

It can be none other than Jeremy the Disgruntled Fireman.  Not only did he gently and gracefully talk John Rocker’s girlfriend out of jumping the proverbial bridge but in doing so exhibited that he has a solid grasp of game mechanics.  It is not easy to mask one’s disdain and display exemplary diplomacy when some a-hole just stole your blanket, tarp, and comfy pillows.

Jeremy is able to keep it together in front of his tribe despite the fact that he wants to bludgeon each and every one of them with a tire iron.

Even more important (in my view) is the fact that Jeremy continues to show a fire in his belly.  Not the type of white-hot flame that quickly burns out upon consuming everything around it that might provide fuel (Phillip the Specialist, Russell/Brandon Hantz, James the grave digger) but the type of slow burn that can be nurtured and sustained throughout the duration of the show.

Loser of the Week:

This may come as something of a shock, but I believe that Reed played the crappiest game this week.

Reed didn't melt down (Julie) and won a huge meal for his tribe (who just traded their only means of staying dry for a bag of white rice 3 days before a merge), but every moment subsequent to when Jeff shouted, “Hunahpu Wins Reward!” was mishandled to say the least.

a)      He decided to send Julia (ostracized due to her association with the departed John Rocker) to Exile Island with the ridiculous assertion that it will allow her to “prove to John Rocker” how tough she is. 

Saying crap like this might work in the boardroom, but here it just makes you look like an arsehole.

"No, seriously Julie.  Head right in there and seize the opportunity  to prove yourself! Damn, am I a great guy or what?!"

He then decided to revoke his initial decision (albeit uncomfortably) when Natalie/Nadiya offered to go in her stead.

This might work when compromising with an angry spouse, but here it just makes you look like a flighty and confused coward with no strategy.

b)      The editing (and Jeremy’s observation) suggests that Reed spends the bulk of his time at camp being all lovey on Josh.

It is never wise (regardless of one's sexual preference) to overtly display affection for another player much less to do it constantly.  It is even dumber on a tribe filled with people who have watched their loved ones get unceremoniously kicked off the island.

With the merge coming tonight, so cometh the power rankings on next week’s installment.

Stay Thirsty my Friends!