Where did
they find these chuckleheads?
I have been
watching this show for a very long time and I have never seen a group of individuals play the game this long with
their head so firmly planted up their own collective butts.
Rookie
mistakes, poor timing, pointless (but nearly always transparent) dishonesty,
and laughable self-delusion have rendered this season almost unwatchable for
anyone who doesn't wish to be assaulted with incompetence.
 |
| Captain Picard watching last week's episode |
One does not
even need to watch closely to sense the foul reek of desperation oozing from
the pours of the show’s production team as they watch the only 2
compelling people on the entire island get voted off in back to back episodes. It has gotten so bad that they have resorted
to throwing immunity idols at people in the vain hope that someone will
actually do something interesting with it.
Just as the
stench of desperation is offensive to the senses when you smell it on a sales
person, detect it clinging to an interviewee, or run into it on a first date, it
is equally as ruinous when watching some of the episodes from this season.
Natalie and
Reed (players who on any other season would be considered weak at best) are
about the only people left who have yet to completely underwhelm the viewing
audience.
The remaining
contestants either do nothing at all, or do things that are really stupid.
Keith--
I am pretty sure that he forgot that he has an idol and that it can be
used to form alliances, sway votes, or save an ally. Keith also appears completely oblivious to
the fact that there is a social game to be played here.
At some
juncture, in between spitting a glob of phlegm on the ground and walking by the
women on the tribe without speaking to them, Keith might consider playing some Survivor.
 |
| Keith describes his next big move during a private interview |
Jon--
I cannot
understand why Jon sent an ally to exile island knowing that said ally would
return knowing that he had the idol. “Nah,
I’ll just send him off to starve anyway”.
The clue was so specific, it might as well have said, “Climb the
penis-shaped rock and grab the idol OK Jon?”
Still, Jeremy
didn’t hound him relentlessly about it and seemed willing to let it go but was
savvy enough to express his beliefs in front of Natalie. Incredibly, Jon did about the dumbest
possible thing and cannibalized his own alliance for no observable purpose.
As it stands
now, everyone knows he has an idol, knows that he has betrayed every alliance
at the first sign of adversity, and is sick and tired of watching him pitch woo
with Miss Michigan. To top it off, he
just spent the previous week telling everyone with whom he is now aligned that
they are scum.
This guy has
no plan. If Chaos Kass looked like Harry
Potter she’d be this guy.
Miss Michigan— I don’t remember her name and cannot
imagine it matters. She only has the
balls to stand up to Jon if some southerner farts on her.
Otherwise,
she’ll pretty much do what she is told which is to hitch her wagon to a
drowning horse.
Baylor— This chick has the worst poker face I
have ever seen. The whole time Josh was
speaking to her regarding her voting intentions, she wore an expression that
suggested she had just discovered that a howler monkey had pooped in her rice.
 |
| Uh....Yeah......I'll uh....Not vote for you Josh...... |
I’ve plied foreign
telemarketers with more sincerity than Baylor appears capable of mustering when
playing a game for a million bucks..
No diplomacy
= unsuccessful duplicity = no million dollars.
I’m not sure
what this girl would do with a million dollars anyway but I’m sure it would
probably just piss me off.
Missy—I see what the producers were thinking
when they brought her on the show and, in that respect, she has not
disappointed.
Missy’s claim
to fame is being annoying, making unconscionably stupid life choices, and
eating 53 pounds of rice every day.
She has
valiantly continued this trend.
Wes— The Southern Gentleman
personified.
Every season
needs some meathead with the IQ of a Kleenex box who over-eats, expels gas
directly upon female players, and generally just follows the lead of anyone he perceives to have power or
authority.
Wes is dumber
than anyone weaker and weaker than anyone smarter. I am almost hoping this clown makes the jury
simply to hear him try and form a coherent argument.
Alec--
It never seems to matter which island they are on or what the season
gimmick might be, some dipshit always forgets that the most important thing
about running an alliance is not to
cozy up to the people at the top, but to make the people at the bottom feel
important and loved. Unless you are
allied with Jon or Chaos Kass (and apparently Missy), it is not the people at
the top of your alliance that will blow up your game but the people at the
bottom.
“I’m
basically just a badass” Junior, was so convinced that ordering around the
women on the island and acting like a misogynistic swine was the ticket to the million bucks, that it
never occurred to him that statements like “Hey, quit being a dick” and “Alec,
you may be the worst human being I have ever met,” might be conceived as minor
warnings.
Were it not
for Flaky Jon and his incomprehensible game plan, this guy would be back in the
loser’s hut bossing around the female staff.
I cannot
possibly venture a guess as to what is going to happen next.
I am not
aquiver with anticipation, or even intrigued by possibilities, but it is the
same uncertainty that you feel when you go into the dentist with a toothache or
when your company announces layoffs.
Something is
going to happen and if the happenings this season are any indication, it is
going to be underwhelming.
I guess I’ll
root for Natalie since she dropped an F-bomb on that Idiot Missy. I can't imagine it matters anymore.
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