Fryguy Flashback: Geeking Out Your Daughter as a Parenting Tool: Part II

So you’ve decided to do the right thing and geek out your daughter eh? Most assuredly, you’ve taken the first step toward a brighter future.

However, the path to success in this endeavor is littered with the bodies of unwary, albeit well-meaning, parents. Listed below are some tips acquired by the author at great cost that might assist the reader in navigating the treacherous waters of nerd-building.

Method#1: ‘Accidently’ click on the desktop shortcut for your favorite RPG or strategy game when she asks for help in setting up an educational program. Feign embarrassment at this misstep but then ask if she would like to help daddy battle zombies for a few minutes. Repeat as needed until Elmo gets shelved in favor of Heroes of Might and Magic V.

Unforeseen Consequence: The same girl who tracks down mommy and daddy every time she wants to do some word puzzles mysteriously learns how to launch the aforementioned RPG/strategy program on her own. You now wake up at 5 AM to the sound of Pit Lords shrieking as they are sent to the underworld by your daughter’s army.

Solution to Unforeseen Consequence: Inform your little girl that if she plays on her own without asking and fails in her efforts to unite The Shadowclan while daddy is asleep, the computer will catch on fire.

Method#2: If your daughter shows the unfortunate tendency to enjoy dressing and accessorizing dolls, suggest that she join you at the PC to design and deck out an elf maiden from scratch for some adventures through the world of your choice.

Unforeseen Consequence: Elven society’s apparent aversion to modest dress negatively influences your daughter’s idea of an appropriate wardrobe. It’s counterproductive to geek out your little girl if she opts to rock some sort of ‘naughty librarian’ theme in her teen years due to the character customization screen.

 

 

Solution to unforeseen consequence: When approached again for some character creation on the PC, tell her that all of the elf maidens froze to death due to their skimpy clothing. Introduce her to the wonderful and exciting world of the dwarven hauberk and beard grooming.

Method#3: Manufacture battle conditions favorable to young hands and minds. Turn over the reigns and then marvel at her generalship (this is a good opportunity to introduce Hannibal Barca to her vernacular). Celebrate the victory with a pancake shaped like a Hydra and a juice box.

Unforeseen consequence: Your daughter goes to preschool the next day and tells everyone within earshot how she killed many a succubus the previous evening. Teachers and administrators, hypersensitive to little girls speaking so energetically of killing, become uncomfortable and wish to have a ‘conference’.

Solution to unforeseen consequence: Constantly remind your lass that her enemies didn’t die but were ‘defeated’. It sounds more benign to ‘defeat’ peasants than to have slain them.

Unforeseen consequence to solution to unforeseen consequence: Awkward and confusing moments arise as your young daughter mentions to a particularly religious teacher at school during Easter preparations that Jesus didn’t die on the cross as the stories claim but was, in fact, ‘defeated’. Solution still pending….

Solution to unforeseen consequence to solution to unforeseen consequence: I got nothing.