Fryguy Flashback: Casual Poker Part I: Etiquette

Burned out on dungeon raids led by autocrats?

Are your hands cramping up from hours of uninterrupted FPS games?

Do you find that France falls even faster than normal while playing your favorite strategy game?

If you answered yes to any of these questions (or maybe you’re just tired from a crappy week of whatever it is you do) then there are few activities more restorative than a nice, casual game of poker with your buddies.

That having been said, there are a number of rules that must be observed by all participants to maximize the therapeutic value of such events.

1. If the other players like to enjoy a few adult beverages and/or illegal herbage, you are honor bound to do the same (at least with the beverages). Teetotalers who can still perform simple mathematics or don’t need to look at their hand every 20 seconds to remember what they have, are justifiably viewed with suspicion by the table and should be discouraged from future attendance.
2. Bring your own libations. In this economy, the player that constantly beseeches his or her comrades for drinks is unlikely to become a game regular.
3. Leave the sunglasses, the IPod, and the hoodie in the car. Anyone who shows up all stern and hidden is a cancer to the soul of the game.
4. One of the disadvantages to living in a capitalist society is that there is an unequal sharing of blessings in lieu of an equal sharing of misery. If you are one of these people who had the audacity to attain affluence and are participating in a cash game, don’t be a butthole and price your proletarian buddies out of the game. Go to Vegas and knock around tourists if this is the way you roll.
5. Only bring as much as you are happily prepared to lose. Good natured complaining is acceptable and even encouraged to liven up the game but keep your cool when things don’t go well. While taking money from a spaz is fun in the sort-term, the Mr. Grumpypants act wears thin pretty quickly.
6. If you are going to play then pay attention. If you have to constantly re-state the bet or remind someone that it is their turn the other players are allowed to empty a beer on the offender’s lap. Be sure not to get any on the cards.
7. It is good taste to constantly remind your gracious host that he/she has never won their own tournament. For example, if your pal (let’s call him ‘Simon’) can’t seem to get over the hump, it will keep him (Simon) motivated to retain hosting duties until he (Simon) is able to claim the big prize. Your other friends will appreciate being alleviated of the responsibility of having a bunch of riff-raff in their homes playing cards.