Watching Erik's flowing locks of dirty blonde hair disappear into the long dark of the Filipino jungle, a mortifying thought assaulted my mind:
“Oh #$%&. Dawn is going to win.”
With Forrest Gump’s improbable run ending on a dirty trail beneath the forest canopy, I was certain that a villain was going to bring home the title.
It seemed most unlikely that Cochran was going to win yet another immunity and nobody was stupid enough to think he wasn’t the greatest threat right?
Secure in the knowledge that Sherri stood no chance of getting a single vote under any circumstance and that Eddie would feel compelled to actually speak in front of the jury (costing him 50% of his likely votes), Dawn could almost taste the million bucks.
Then, 2 separate and extraordinary events occurred that gave me hope that the deserving might yet prevail:
1) Sherri (and much less surprisingly Eddie) came to the mind-numbingly stupid conclusion that Dawn was the greater threat.
2) The final challenge consisted of both a puzzle (effectively neutering Eddie) and stairs (rendering Sherri impotent), leading to a showdown between Cochran and Dawn.
With the advantage in hand from the previous reward challenge, the forces of good prevailed.
*On a side note, I suspect that Eddie would still be working on that puzzle if his Visa hadn’t expired.
The art of diplomacy is speaking plain truths without giving offense.
--Winston Churchill
You know why Survivor history is not replete with people like Coach, Steph LaGrossa, Russell Hantz, Phillip Shepherd and now Dawn Meehan hoisting the winner's trophy?
It’s because any mean-spirited jack-wagon can traipse around camp, ham-handedly flinging daggers into any backs that might wander in range and claim to be “outwitting” people.
In this season, Dawn didn’t lose just because she betrayed her friends, she lost (primarily) because of the manner in which she betrayed her friends.
Cochran presided over humane executions while Dawn reveled in her role as medieval torturer.
If you leave behind a swath of personal destruction in your wake as you plow forward to the end, ensuring that a hostile or even bellicose jury will be deciding if you can have a million bucks, you haven’t outwitted anyone.
While Cochran spent the bulk of the game talking his more excitable alliance-mates out of premature moves, paranoid delusions, or knee-jerk reactions, Dawn joyfully played the part of agent provocateur, agreeing with every ill-timed or foolish scheme, pledging undying loyalty and support for said schemes, and then ratting people out to their prospective targets.
Cochran was the voice of reason, an intelligent and kind alliance member who took care of his game and those of his allies by soothing, reassuring, and re-focusing those around him.
Dawn was the corrupt cup, setting people up, planting evidence, and then goading them into situations and decisions that resulted in disaster.
When it came time to plead her case to the jury, Dawn fell into the old tired “I played the game to win and knew that screwing over my friends was the best and easiest way to get to the final council” ploy.
I got news for you Dawn, buggering your alliance-mates when they have spent 39 straight days caring for you like a sick infant is not “playing to win”. It’s playing for 3rd.
Dawn’s final explanation that the stresses of having to betray people she cared about caused her constant meltdowns falls utterly short of the truth.
She was freaking out long before her tribe attended their 2nd tribal council. In fact, the only time she didn’t cry this season was immediately after she violently ripped another friend’s heart out of their ass.
Immediately folloowing these votes, Dawn would smile broadly and tell the camera how proud she was that she was of herself for make these tough choices and how she was finally “playing her own game.”
40 minutes after the confessional, Andrea could touch Eddie’s leg, Malcolm might burp, or Erik would overcook her coconut and she’d be right back to darting into the jungle shrieking and wailing, only returning to camp once her next victim finds and saves her.
And Sherri? What a jackass. Not only did she attack challenges with all of the energy of a fat man at the end of 10K run, but she gets in front of the jury, announces that she is already rich, and then craps on 13 years of tradition by shouting down a guy who (despite the fact that he never had any idea what was happening around him) is fifty times the player that she was.
Sherri is the personification of every unreasonable, domineering, opportunistic, and mean-spirited boss any of us have had in our lives. Throughout the show, as she shambled around feebly and cast her unneeded votes with already dominant voting blocks, Sherri was clearly contemptuous of vastly superior people and players.
Her classless outburst in reaction to Erik’s challenge during the final council is precisely what she would do if a low level manager at one of her Krusty Burger franchises questioned a policy or process. If she had any real power, she would likely throw me in a Kazakhstani Gulag for writing this paragraph.
However, thanks to players like Cochran, human beings everywhere can rejoice in the knowledge that in Survivor (unlike life in general), neither the pompous, imperious butthole (Sherri) or the remorseless, manipulative backstabber (Dawn) is likely to come out on top.
Cochran’s victory reminds us that villainy and athleticism can prolong a player’s life in this game, but psychology and self-control carries the day.
Well done my good man. Well done.
Its been an honor talking some game with you my friends! The next season of the NFL and Survivor is just around the corner so don't go far!
Finale Results:
Cochran—Unanimous winner. Ranked #2 out of 5 when crowned.
Dawn—No votes at final tribal
Sherri—No votes at final tribal
Eddie—Did not make final 3
Erik—Removed from game in final episode for medical reasons
Season Stats:
Brenda-- Ranked #5 out of 6 when voted out week 12.
Andrea—Ranked #6 out of 7 when voted out week 12.
Reynold—Ranked #8 out of 8 when voted out week 12.
Malcolm—Ranked #8 out of 9 when voted out week 11.
Phillip—Ranked #4 out of 10 when voted out week 10.
Michael—Ranked #9 out of 11 when voted out week 9.
Corinne—Ranked #5 out of 12 when voted out week 8.
Julia—Ranked #13 out of 13 when voted out week 7
Matt—Ranked #10 of 14 when voted out in week 6.
Brandon—Ranked #15 out of 15 when voted out week 5
Laurie—Ranked #12 out of 16 when voted out week 4
Shamar—Ranked #17 out 17 when he left the game
Hope—Ranked #17 of 18 when voted out week 3
Allie—Rated “Poor” when voted out week 2
Francesca—rated “Poor” when voted out week 1
Eat your heart out Russell Hantz… Cochran is the ultimate survivor!!!!
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