Frey's NFL Picks: Week 8

It occurred to me as I scoured this week’s docket of games that somebody stole my crystal ball and replaced it with a fishbowl full of folly.

Try as I might, I simply could not find a single game that jumped out at me as a good pick, and for someone who relishes offering unsubstantiated opinions over a medium that belies rebuttal, the psychological impact was almost immeasurable.

Then it dawned upon me.

It was time to go back to the basics.

Any NFL game, if examined long enough, is going to look like a morass of contradictions and uncertainties.

Injuries, travel, rivalry games, time zones, coach had angry-ass after a bad burrito.  The possible impacts are beyond comprehension.

Perfection being the little fascist ally of paralysis, I opted for a new strategy:

I give you all…..The “Stop picking Teams that Suck Gambit”.

Enjoy.

New England Patriots (-5 ½) @ Buffalo Bills

What better way to get of the schneid than to pick the rat-bastard cheating Patriots to beat up on these clowns?

Brady is back, Belichick et al are hacked off about getting blanked by the Bills at home, and Buffalo is…well…we all know what Buffalo is.

Don’t pick teams that suck.  Patriots to cheat and cover.

Uggs is out for blood this week

San Diego Chargers @ Denver Broncos (-4 ½)

I believe we can all agree that the 1980 Miracle on Ice was freaking awesome.

Now imagine that if we had to play a pissed-off Soviet team 2 weeks later in Moscow and they beat the #$%& out of us.

I think you see where I am going with this one.

Don’t pick teams that suck.  The Broncos roll in the revenge game.

If this guy beats us for a second time in 3 weeks I'll be super pissed.

Green Bay Packers @ Atlanta Falcons (-3)

If there is one quality that I find so endearing about Packers fans, it is their ability to start getting pompous the second they show even the smallest glimmer of competence.

You’d think that last week’s home win over a 1-6 team playing with a 3^rd string QB (who was, up until last week, playing competitive Dungeons & Dragons before signing with the bears) was the equivalent of defeating Napoleon at Waterloo the way people have been fawning over the Pack.

The Chicago Bears' QB upon hearing that he is to take the field against the Packers.

Beating crap teams at home only means only that you are better than crappy road teams.

Don’t pick teams that suck.  Green Bay’s time is over.  Take Atlanta.

Philadelphia Eagles @ Dallas Cowboys (-4)

 The Philadelphia Eagles remind me of that loud-mouthed, unintelligent, average looking (but yet somehow unbearably pompous) dude we all knew in high school who, by some odd confluence of natural forces, end up landing a girlfriend who is WAY out of his league. 

That same guy goes off to college, convinced that he is some sort of studmoss, but strikes out because everyone can see he’s a low-quality ass-wagon..

The Eagles are an overrated turnover machine (pompous high school guy) that played like crap but somehow beat a team nobody thought they would (Minnesota) and then starts to think they are the Lords of the Gridiron.

It’s time for college Philly.  And you are an ass-wagon.

Don’t pick teams that suck and don’t fall for the trap laid by last week’s lucky win.

Dallas all the way.

Ye Gods I hate picking these guys....

Season Record: 14-14

Trap Game Record: 3-4