Survivor 28: Brawn vs. Brains vs. Beauty: Week 4

Survivor 28: Brawn vs. Brains vs. Beauty: Week 3

When the 3^rd vote of 5 was read by Jeff Probst and savvy viewers across the world exhaled a collective sigh of relief that the Brains tribe had finally cut off their gangrenous toe (J’Tia), the part of me that revels in watching the undeserving get purged also rejoiced.

On the other hand, the Machiavellian strategist in me recoiled at this brazen violation of the Miyagi rule:

“Walk on road, hmm?  Walk right side, safe.  Walk left side, safe.  Walk middle, sooner or later <makes squishing gesture> get a squish just like grape.”

 

The shifty lawyer (Kass) and high strung accountant (Tasha) made the conscious decision to neuter their tribe’s viability by engaging in self-immolation (purging stronger competitors) under the premise that colossal dunderpate  J’Tia would be loyal when the inevitable re-shuffling occurred.

They suffered defeat and shame, finally lead their strategic horse to water, and then bludgeoned it to death rather than allow it to drink.

Enjoy the enmity of the chess master ladies.  You guys were gonna suck anyway going forward, you may as well have had a loyal cog in place.

If this shuffle doesn’t end benignly for the remains of the Brians Tribe, Kass and Tasha are going to find themselves back in the losers hut feverishly trying to keep J’Tai from inadvertently burning the compound down or poisoning the water supply.

Going forward, I think everyone will enjoy the righteous (albeit pompous) invective of Spencer over the confused and frenzied behavior of J’Tia which, by comparison, makes the ravings of a drunken llama seem like sage and serene wisdom.

Alas, My Muse hath departed into a chaotic haze of botched puzzles and the smoke of burning rice.

Fortunately for my pen, new developments beg for attention, which is no small favor considering that the long expected tribal shuffle looks to be imminent.

Tribe Brawn:

The Good—

--These guys are so good at challenges that they can try their damnedest to lose and still kick the brainy tribe’s butt.

--Woo seeing which way the wind is blowing and placating Sarah.  He knows it’s dumb to lose a challenge on purpose but is aware that he might be in the minority when the cops start bullying people.

The Spy Shack is sure to come into play soon...

 

--The tribal re-shuffle could not have come at a better time for Cliff.  If the cops get split he may have a chance to make the merge.

--By a slim margin, Brawn has the greatest numbers going into the shuffle (6  to 5 to 3).  If Sarah and Tony can get their heads out of their ass, the whole tribe could make it to the merge unscathed and ride to the final 6.

The Bad—

--I think Sarah and Tony are racially profiling Cliff.  Why else would you ever want to get rid of a guy who:

·         Works hard around camp.

·         Is likable and contributes in a positive way to team morale.

·         Has unique physical abilities that augment a team well in challenges.

·         Despite these things, can NEVER win in the end because (unless he hired Kareem Abdul Jabbar’s accountant) he’s a freaking multi-millionaire!

--It is way too early to be throwing challenges. 

Suppose, for a moment, that they had lost the challenge as intended, voted off Cliff, and the producers opted to scrap the shuffle idea for a week.  The next day, the Pilate’s instructor gets lost in the jungle, punched in the face by a Lemur, and has to leave the game.   The Brains tribe craps then craps the bed at the next immunity challenge and the merge or shuffle occurs.  Now Beauty outnumbers Brawn and they all get picked off one by one.  Idiots…..

--Sarah is quickly becoming my least favorite person on this show.  If I hear her talk about swearing on her “badge” one more time, I’m going to throw a ball bearing at my flat screen.  Can you imagine a scenario where 2 workers at an ice cream parlor meet in the forest and say, “Hey man, I got your back.  I swear it on my scooper and apron.”

This lady needs to use her brain and stop the religious zeal with which she worships the “Cult of the Cop.”  This “us vs. them” mentality shows why everyone likes firemen better.  I find myself feeling glad that Tony is manipulating her and that pisses me off since I hate rooting for buttholes.

-- Tony needs to take a page out of the Boston Rob/Cochran book and start calming down and focusing his ally instead of working her into a frenzy of suspicion.  Sarah is in danger of becoming a paranoid liability to him during mid-game.

Yeah, this'll get the cops to the end....

 

Team Brains:

The Good—

--The world’s most inept nuclear engineer has finally been sent packing.  The only downside is that she will undoubtedly return to her career in the nuclear science industry, putting the world at grave risk….

J'Tia's first day back at work

 

--The remaining tribe members can sleep in a camp with a functional shelter (one not designed by a nuclear engineer) and eat food that doesn’t have to be picked out of the dirt grain by grain.

--The tribal shuffle saves Spencer’s ass.  This guy has single-handedly dragged these maroons through challenges and is probably excited to start making them pay for their idiocy.

The Bad—

--They just lost a challenge to a team that was trying its damndest to lose on purpose.  My friends, this is what it must feel like to be a Bills fan. <Pick of Buffalo fan>

--When your fiercest physical competitor is a high school chess master, you are @#$%ed.

--The fact that this is not a merge, but a shuffle is potentially very bad news for Tasha and Kass.  Had this been a merge, they’d be harmless challenge fodder.  In a shuffle, they are challenge fodder who repeatedly voted to keep the most inept player in history on their old team.  Weak and selfish can be fatal traits pre-merge.

Team Beauty:

The Good—

--Dumping their weakest male player has allowed them to fine-tune their challenge strategy.

--Morgan did a pretty good job playing the spurned and confused young girl.  I get the feeling that it may have given some people reason to doubt the stability of the Young Colonel Sanders.

--The tribal shuffle is great news for Morgan on 2 fronts (depending, of course on how it breaks down):

·         She was definitely in the minority on her own tribe, many of whom suspected she may have found the idol.

·         Morgan found the rest of her tribe immune to her flirtations and Baywatch jogging techniques.  Now imagine the effectiveness of her wiles on a tribe with the Chessmaster.
 

The Bad—

--We all like to look at Jeffra.  However, is there really anything remotely compelling about yet another southern beauty queen who cries when it rains?  Surely there are some interesting hot chicks to be found in a country of 300 million people. 

Do you remember any of these contestants?  Me neither.

 

The way the editors are handling Jeffra tells us 1 of 2 things:

1.       She is so disinteresting that they opted to simply burn all of the footage of her speaking or not wearing skimpy clothing.

2.       She is going to go really far in this game and they don’t want us to get “Jeffra’d Out” prematurely.

--By splitting these guys up, we will no longer be allowed to release a collective sigh of happiness whenever the editors take us on a joyful foray into the lives of the pretty people.  Now we might have to see Kass in the same camera shot with the beauty queens and that just ruins everything.

Things should get interesting with the tribal shuffle coming up.  I can resume offering predictions once we see how everything falls out.