Last week, I wrote a detailed tribal breakdown utilizing “judging a book by its coverology”.
It will come as no shock to those of you who are NOT naïve idealists that my formula of stereotype and preconception damn near pegged every facet of a two hour episode.
As expected and predicted:
1) The Brawn tribe reinforced the sterotype of being “Team Players” as Trish was the only one of the 3 early exiles to choose more rice for her team instead of selfishly getting the idol clue.
2) The Brainy tribe out-thought themselves at every opportunity whether in strategy or in puzzles.
3) The very first act of the beauty tribe (L.J.) was to exile someone based solely upon the fact that they were better looking. “I don’t trust hot”.
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| L.J. trusts this guy but not Morgan |
4) Everyone on the brainy tribe thinks they are unfillable intellectual giants and promptly turned upon each other, melted down when their intellect failed, and eventually voted off the only person on the tribe who could defeat a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest.
Tribe Brawn:
The Good—
They are obviously going to excel in challenges that involve any amount of brute force.
That cop lady Sarah gives them a clear intellectual presence for puzzles. She seems pretty funny and the fact that she speaks out of the left corner of her mouth should not begin to weigh on people until the merge whereupon people from the beauty tribe are going to become angry about it.
I don’t care if it works or not, the “Spy Shack” cracks me up.
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| "pay no attention to the man behind the curtain...." |
They have not yet been on the island long enough to begin starving.
He’s kind of a dick, but Tony seems to be the only guy on the Brawn tribe who is playing the game right now.
The Bad—
There seems to be some dissention around camp involving that old chick Trish and Lindsey the burly hairdresser. Those types of spats have a way of sapping morale and it needs to be quashed soon. The oldest woman on the island really needs to tone it down when sniping at a much younger girl with more friends on the tribe.
Why is that Tony guy who looks like Mr. Clean lying about being a cop? I mean, who cares? It’s not like he is employed as the Grand Wizard of the Biloxi branch of the KKK or that he’s 3rd in line to the throne of Luxembourg. Lying without purpose is even dumber in Survivor than it is in real life. He should have come clean the moment Sarah pegged him as a cop. Now she knows he’s a cop but that he is also a lying bastard.
Predictions—
Having gone 3 days without eating an entire ox, Tony is going to break down and start telling everyone he will trade the idol for a side of beef. He will then threaten to arrest anyone who doesn’t comply and then deny being a cop.
Woo will, at some point, break a coconut in half with a karate chop.
They will realize that Cliff is tall enough to simply walk through swimming challenges.
Team Brains:
The Good—
Well….Tasha and Spencer may, in fact, be normal human beings.
The Bad—
Kass has reconfirmed in many people’s estimations that attorneys are, indeed, shifty buttholes. I cannot remember having seen someone change teams 3 times in 1 episode. She’s like the Italians every time a war starts, and like Italy, I suspect that nobody who wants to win actually wants her on their team.
David’s imperious attitude around camp. He was so supremely confident in his own greatness that he afforded himself the luxury of worrying about day 26 instead of Day 1. David felt that he could make these people fall into line like the underlings he undoubtedly abuses at work on a daily basis. I got news for you Dave, these guys are not your employees. As President of the Marlins organization, I no longer wonder why they suck so bad. I love it when Delta Bravos like this guy get wiped….
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| More people were rooting for Voldemort in Harry Potter than for this guy |
Garrett the poker guy played an abysmal game. He quickly found the idol, acquitted himself with great honor in the challenges, eliminated his nemesis in the first vote, and then crapped the bed on everything else possible. If you are such a jack-ass that you get voted out with an idol in your possession before the bossy nincompoop who took 34 minutes to complete 17% of an 8th grade puzzle and then dumped all of your food on the fire, you are quite possibly the worst Survivor player in history.
I don’t wish to beat up on this guy so severely, but he was acting like he was dying of malnourishment on day 2. Jesus man! How many calories do you absorb playing poker? I suspect that Kass and Tasha snuffed his torch out of fear that he would kill and consume them on day 3.
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| Photo of this lady was taken just after being stuck in an Elevator with Garrett for 40 minutes |
Ahhh J’Tia…..I really can’t add anything here to make you look any dumber than you already do. As Spencer said, “the fact that you are a nuclear engineer is legitimately scary.”
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| Photo of J'Tia at her Nuclear Engineering gig |
Predictions—
Tasha will continue to lament the fact that she cozied up to a crazy woman for what appears to be no other reason than they share skin pigmentation. I think she and Spencer are smart enough to know that they need to form a bond immediately.
J’Tia is going to poison their water, crap in the shelter on purpose, continue to do nothing around camp, and lose a challenge called “figure out the schematics of this nuclear reactor” to Lindsey the burly hairdresser and Kass will still agitate to have someone else voted out.
If the next challenge isn’t figuring out Cliff Robinson’s taxes or beating Mr. Clean at chess, I cannot see how these guys can win unless every member of the other tribes come down with Dysentery.
Team Beauty:
The Good—
They are kicking ass in challenges. As long as those chuckleheads from the Brainy tribe have a member or two left to abuse in challenges these guys are pretty safe.
Morgan the cheerleader’s quick and convincing lie stating that she chose tools and food over comfort to hide the fact that she grabbed an idol clue was a game changer. With Garrett the starving poker player gone, only Trish remains spill the beans about what the choice really was about. I doubt Trish will make it to the merge the way she is going.
These guys are all pretty fun to look at.
The Bad—
Brice the social worker looks to be scheming a bit more than necessary. I am also not sure that allying oneself with the best looking person on a tribe of vain beauties is the ticket to the promised land.
L.J. needed to do a much better job cozying up to the person who he tried to vote out 5 minutes into the game. He seemed almost standoffish instead of contrite. It may be an editing issue but being a Richard to people you wrong just makes you a target in this game.
Predictions—
There is a diva among this group who will out themselves publically. I’m not sure who it is yet, but it will happen.
These guys will attempt to trade their rice to the starving brains tribe for instructions on how to make mirrors from melted sand. They have to start preening soon or all hell is going to break lose.
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