Hot Soup: Frey's NFL Divisional Playoff Analysis

OK before you start yammering off about my 2-2 record last week, I must make it known that Christian Ponder’s surprise scratch occurred after my post.  I mean Ponder sucks, but watching Webb last week caused me physical pain.  That dude made Andy Dalton look like…well…Dalton still looked like crap but maybe a smaller or less offensive pile.

How the hell, in this age of Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, and government spy cams in toilet bowls can the starting QB of a playoff team be a virtual shoe-in for the bench and nobody hears about it? 

I suspect that Meyer Lansky returned from the grave and dropped some sizable cabbage on the Pack….

In any event, let’s get to this week quickly because I have my Lasik surgery tomorrow and forgot that I hadn’t written my post.

 

Baltimore at Denver (-9 ½)

If any of you read my post from earlier this week, and judging by the page view data you haven’t, you’d probably know where I’m going with this. 

Denver has a much better offense.  Denver has a much better defense.  Baltimore sucks on the road and we have re-discovered the old Mile High magic.  We have a better than average QB under center.  Don’t even get me started on what a wang Joe Flacco is.

I keep hearing people expressing concern about the cold weather like we’re playing the 2001 Ravens or something.  Guess what?  Compared to the chuckleheads we’re playing, we’re the 2001 Ravens.

Listen, I’m not going to guarantee anything because I remember ’96 like it was yesterday despite my constant inebriation back in my early 20’s, but unless the Donkeys commit a couple of egregious turnovers, I can’t see Denver winning by fewer than two touchdowns much less losing the game.

Can anyone who hasn’t been drinking moonshine honestly tell me that the Ravens are going to march the ball up and down the field on the road against this defense without benefitting from some serious short fields or defensive TD’s? 

I love my Broncos and am almost wanting to do the reverse jinx here just to placate the inner peasant in me that is riddled with superstitions, but Karma’s not stupid and would know I was bullshitting everyone.

Baltimore doesn’t have a prayer unless they score 27 or more. 

They won’t.

Broncos by double digits

 

Green Bay at San Francisco (-2 ½)

Tough game here.

San Francisco is competent offensively, has home field advantage, and is extremely stout on ‘D’.  They have beaten some of the league’s best teams (including this week’s opponent), have a proud and honored tradition, and some damn fine cuisine.

Green Bay has Aaron Rodgers.

If I were a betting man (and I am), I couldn’t in good conscience wager my hard-earned coin that a mercurial rookie QB starting in only his 8^th game will outperform an elite and playoff tested former league and Super Bowl MVP.

Rodgers has no fear of the bay area.  Not only did he play his college ball at Cal, but he thumped his way around the Berkeley campus proudly and loudly professing his staunch Christian beliefs.  This guy has sack! 

I’m more of a Odin/Thor guy myself, but I’m leaning Packers to win outright here. 

 

Seattle at Atlanta (-2)

I cannot recall ever having seen a home playoff favorite getting less respect than the Falcons.

Let me be the first to say that on a neutral field I’d take the ‘Hawks in a heartbeat but last I checked, the Falcons are 20-4 at home over the last 3 seasons whereas Seattle is 8-16 on the road.

2 opposing historical forces are at play here:

a)      Seattle is brutal away from Coffeville

b)      The Falcons hate winning playoff games no matter where they play

Something has to give here and I'm guessing that Atlanta will finally get off the shnide and win a home playoff game. 

It’ll be very close, but I suspect that Russell Wilson’s rookie tendency to take a Stafford (3^rd down sack that knocks your team out of field goal range) will haunt the Starbucks this year.  Falcons win and barely cover.

Houston at New England (-9 ½)

We all know that the dirty rat-bastard cheaters from the Northeast are good and now they are more rested and healthier than at any point this year aside from the first couple weeks.

Houston burst onto the scene like a meteor, flashed brilliantly in the sky, and burned up into a steaming black lump under the weight of expectations. 

The Texans know nobody thinks they’ll win.  Hell, the Texans probably don’t think they’ll win.

And that, my friends, is precisely when they are at their best! 

You see? 

Nobody expects them to do anything anymore.  They’re done.  Useless.  May as well get David Carr out of whatever insurance or landscaping company he works for now and go back to the 5-11 days when nobody with a hat less than 10 gallons really gave a rats furry little arse about Houston.

Even last week these kind-hearted and sensitive souls didn’t want to disappoint their home audience and damn near lost to a Bengals team who quarterback played with an almost terrifying hideousity.

The weight of competency no longer burdens the backs of the Confederates.  Look for a steady diet of Arian Foster (I guess the name Adolf was taken when he was born) and enjoy a game far closer than most people expect.

I think the Hoodie-Cheaters pull it out late when Brady sends his wife into the throws of passion by both throwing and catching the %$#@ing ball but the Texans cover the 9 ½.

 

Last week 2-2