Peyton Manning and the Playoffs: Is He a Choker?

Sacrilege.  Heresy.  Tebowphilia. 

All of the aforementioned sins can be used to label any who question the abilities and/or or the fortitude of athletes of Payton Manning’s caliber. 

But is it not a fair question to ask?  Is his playoff record not 9-11?  Instead of simply dismissing the “choker” argument as the unintelligible babblings of Tebow-lovers and Patriots fans, we should examine the issue in its proper context.

Anyone remember a guy named John Elway?  Prior to Denver’s Super Bowl runs late in his career, Elway had a very pedestrian 7-7 record in playoff games which included some historically bad losses for his team.  As a result, fools and panic mongers all across the country (as well as a few stalwarts in Laos) called him a loser.  A failure.  A Schottenheimer.  A choker.

Did Elway magically transform himself into a steadfast and imperturbable general the year between the Jacksonville debacle and the world championship? 

Of course not.  His coach coached better.  The ball bounced our way more.  His team played better.  Key players remained healthy. 

In 2 years, “The Great Choker” went from 7-7 to 14-7, solidifying himself as one of the all-time great playoff performers.

Let’s look now to the current standard of Excellence in indefatigable playoff QBs:  Tom Brady. 

Since 2005, Brady’s playoff record is 8-7 with no Super Bowl victories.  That is not appreciably better than Manning’s total mark and only negligibly superior to Elway’s when he was a national laughing stock.

Has Brady become a gagger?  Have his skills diminished abruptly and only during the postseason?  Do difficult challenges suddenly make him wilt and cower like an Italian Infantryman? 

I do not believe anyone who actually watches football thinks this is the case.

There is a good reason why the “Trade Elway for Mark Rypien” movement never took off in the late 80’s/early 90’s. 

I don’t hear anyone in New England saying “Man, I wish we’d dump that choker Brady and go grab Joe Flacco (8-4 playoff record) now that he is a free agent.”

That is because to believe and state such things would forever brand an individual as a practitioner of stupidity.

The real truth is this:

A skilled QB’s playoff record is tied as closely to his team and coach than to his own arm.

Tom Brady did not go from unstoppable playoff studmoss to bed crapper in 1 year. 

Elway didn’t go from Matt Greoning’s whipping boy on The Simpsons to one of the all-time great clutch playoff performers in the 365 days seperating 1996's devastaing loss from 1997's dominant win.

Manning is neither a choker nor is he the essence of steadfastness in crunch time.  His total body of work in the postseason (and that of all great QB’s)  is indeed a reflection of his own play but also a product of the coaching staff, the team play around him, and the unique tenor of each game during the time of year when the tiniest bounce or misstep leads to bountiful glory or ignominious defeat.

Today’s 2-0 Kaepernick is 2018’s 4-6 Kaepernick.  Don’t get caught up in the numbers.  Watch the games. 

Both Brilliance and Baboonery are fickle titles that change with the winds.  A couple wins here and there doesn’t make him Joe Montana and a few more losses doesn’t make him Bernie Kosar.

He’s Peyton Manning.  He’s our quarterback. And he’s a badass.

Go Broncos!

If You Love Something, Set it Free: Kroenke Needs to Sell the Avs

 

I remember even if most do not.  I remember the smell of freshly zamboni’d ice, the slight chill in the arena air, the camaraderie that one feels when surrounded by other zealots, and electricity as the beloved and talented Colorado Avalanche skated from the tunnel.

Now, alas, the landscape professional sports in Denver is almost post-apocolyptically bleak the moment Broncos season ends.

The Nuggets are competent but will never win a NBA title as the league is currently constituted.

It is far more likely that 3 monkeys and a broken typewriter will pen and publish the next “Game of Thrones” than the Monfort’s will field a baseball team that isn’t an embarrassment to civilization and to typing monkeys.

I have accepted the failings of the Rockies ownership, baseball at altitude, and the entirety of the NBA structure with relative ambivalence but I have small stomach for the situation with the Avalanche.

Here is a team with a newer arena, a passionate fan base, and a history of excellence.  Mercifully for places like Edmonton and Calgary (Canadians, as we all know are generally moose-loving ne’er-do-wells), a salary cap precludes teams like the Rangers from trying to price people off the ice. 

The Avs have drafted relatively well over the past few years and have a strong young team heading into the future.  Sadly, it is more than likely that the present ownership will simply do the bare minimum to ensure some return on their investment at the least amount of risk, dooming this franchise to mediocrity as we become the farm team for owners with balls.

Unlike the bumbling Monforts who caught lightening in a bottle one year and now think it has earned them the right to fleece their fan base in perpetuity, the Kroenke’s are just…..well….disinterested, focusing all their love and attention on an NBA franchise that is doomed to mediocrity.

When it comes to the Avs, these clowns throw around nickels as though they were manhole covers while treating the Nuggets like a beloved but demanding mistress, showering them with money and furs.

This past offseason is a perfect illustration.  The Nuggets just happily paid $44,000,000 over 4 years for a talented but unproven and underachieving project player in Javale McGee who is famous only for showing up every 10^th game and for having a questionable work ethic and next to no leadership qualities. 

The Nuggets brass gushed on TV and radio about what a screaming deal they got on a player with so much potential upside, citing, among other things, the fact that other teams would have paid him if they didn’t.

On the other hand, examine the case of 21 year old Ryan O’Reilly from the Avalanche.  He is a respected, productive, and hard-working player who, despite his youth, led the team in scoring in 2011.  For this guy, ownership balking at matching the 4 million per year deal he currently has with a Russian team in the KHL.

Our hockey team is just a few solid veterans away from becoming a real contender for the next 10 years and these jackwagons are busy hemorrhaging money at these NBA losers at the expense of the franchise that put Denver on the map for championship cities and held the league record for consecutive sell-outs.  instead, ownership would prefer to wallow 20 million below the cap and toss money at the Nuggets

The Avs have a chance at greatness that the Nuggets will never even approach until the NBA stops coddling the big markets and creates a structure where refs call games fairly and teams not named New York, Brooklyn, LA, Miami, or Boston have the same shot that everyone else does at obtaining and retaining players.

My position is this:  If you are not going to try and win, get out of the game.  Take your Walmart money and bugger off.   With the new CBA finally in place there should be absolutely no shortage of buyers. Let someone who actually gives a rip about hockey take over and run this franchise so that hope and joy can exist in our fair city sometime other than football season.

The Sociology of Defeat: Demographics and Playoff Losses

Before venturing back into the hostile territory of prognostication, I wished to point out a final observation, not about Denver and New England's defeat at the hands of the Ravens, but how differing demographic groups view the games in retrospect.

As you know, my feeling on the matter (Rahim Moore’s catastrophic nincompoopery notwithstanding) , is that timidity was largely responsible for the Denver loss.

Yesterday, I saw the normally aggressive Bill Belicheck punt from the opponent's 34 yard line twice and neglect to go for it on 4th and 2 at Baltimore's 45.  Guess what?  They lost, and deservedly so.

However, it has been my experience that older fans, generally, seem far more forgiving of extreme offensive conservatism.  I have been admonished strongly by more seasoned football viewers that plunging feebly into stacked 8-man fronts in an attempt to run the clock, punting for an extra dozen yards of field position and/or taking the knee at the end of the 2^nd and 4^th quarters with plenty of time and multiple time outs left was not only understandable but right and proper.

No amount of logic and even recent evidence could dissuade them from this belief.  In lieu of ripping my beard out in frustration, I decided to ponder this obstinacy for a while and that is when I noticed the generation gap. 

 In my father’s time, games were won with steadfast defense and “3 yards and a cloud of dust.”   The very thought of being aggressive when not coerced into being so under the duress of panicked necessity is an abomination to these folks.

Conceding these possessions as the Patriots and Broncos did in their losses is exactly what Vince Lombardi, Tom Landry, Bear Bryant, and Ground Chuck (Knoll) would have done, and that, my friends, is why baby boomers and children of the late 50's/early 60's are not only comfortable with this type of outdated play calling, but why they fight so vociferously to defend it.  Aggressiveness and risk taking is is not only frowned upon on the gridiron, but to champion it is to impugn an era and lifestyle that brings comfort and happiness to the stodgy.

 Most people, when faced with change, develop a strange sickness of the soul.  Far better to look back after a loss and say, “well, I didn’t do anything that might be considered hasty” than to say “I took calculated risks that would really piss off Paul Brown and brought the fight to my foe”.  This type of CYA is poison to the very type of innovation and excitement that is needed to create a champion in the modern game.

Much like the buggy-whip, the outhouse, and the avocado-green kitchen, these outdated ideas must be tossed into the trash-heap of distant memory if we expect to be hoisting the crystal trophy any time soon here in Denver.

The right to play for the title now rests in the hands of the insufferable Brothers Harbaugh; 2 men who made balsy but unpopular/unorthodox decisions both before and during their playoff runs that have earned their teams the right to battle for the name of "Champion." 

As both an American and as a proponent of truth, justice, and honor, I am duty bound to revel in the collapse of the cheating, arrogant Patriots but am equally obligated to find the Harbaughs distasteful.  In the absense of any true rooting interest in the upcoming game, I can only say that I am pleased that cowardice and conservatism did not carry the day in the 2013 NFL playoffs. 

Trying to Regain My Self-Respect: Frey’s Playoff Picks

 0-3-1.

I feel great shame for the epic fail of last week’s predictions.

Still, I thoroughly reject the axiom that “if you never take a position, you can never be wrong.”  I could sit around and say “anything can happen” or “It could go either way” but then I’d be a sissy.

My first act in what I hope is my very short quest toward regaining my mojo is to survey the landscape, find some solid ground, and plant my foot firmly upon it! 

No hedging and equivocation here my friends!  It’s time for some Holmes, but whether it be Sherlock or the lizard from that Cheech and Chong movie will not be known until after Sunday.

San Francisco at Atlanta (+4)

On paper, taking a road team that is traveling all the way across the country to play the #1 seed in a hostile dome environment looks foolish.  Still, that is exactly what I am going to.  San Fran has a series of advantages going into this game:

1)      Atlanta’s fans are really shitty.  I’m not even sure if they sold the game out yet.  Worse yet, unlike most southerners, Atlanta locals aren’t generally belligerent and drunk on Sunday mornings/early afternoons.  This will mitigate crowd noise.

2)      Unlike Seattle, who had to play their game last week at what would have been 8:00 AM Pacific and were understandably sluggish in the first half, the Niners game starts at noon Pacific, eliminating the time factor.

3)      The Falcons are overrated and have a history of choking.  Moreover, Manti Te’o has picked against the Falcons and since he is a gentleman that knows a fraud when he sees one, I’m jumping in on the ground floor.

4)      The 49ers are better.

I think San Francisco win by 6-10 here.  Take the Niners and give the 4.

Baltimore at New England (-8.5)

Baltimore better find an emotional edge in this game because they will not find any other advantages. 

Their chief offensive weapon involves tossing pop flies downfield hoping for miracles.

 Their defense gave up 30 first downs to a Denver team whose game plan must have made Dan Reeves and Sammy Winder wax nostalgic.

The only thing their special teams did right was to have their return specialist run a decoy fly pattern at the end of the 4^th quarter only to catch Rahim Moore staring  serenely into the great unknown dreaming of electric blankets and space heaters.

The Pats (robbed of a win against Baltimore earlier this year by replacement refs) will come out aggressively, reminding the Ravens that they shouldn’t be there to begin with. 

I expect The Hoodie to send a message to Baltimore, to whomever they play for the Super Bowl, and (hopefully) to the timid Broncos, that crappy teams should not expect anything but a good old fashioned ass kicking when running into a team of quality.

The Patriots win this one going away.

Let the road to recovery begin!

Last week 0-3-1

Playoff record 2-5-1

Lamentations and Analysis of the Broncos Debacle

The dust has settled. 

With heavy hearts, we return quietly to our own small corner of the world and try to be content with the comings and goings of those in our lives.

Even those of us who love the game of football are having trouble showing any interest in the remaining games.

Countless blogs, talk-shows, and newspaper articles have dissected the lost battle against Baltimore and while the record is replete with missed assignments, bone-headed plays, tired arms in cold weather, turnovers, and bad luck, I believe that our ignominious defeat can be tied to one overriding factor:  Fear.

“Fortune Favors the Bold”

--Publius Vergilius Maro

When bold strokes and courageous acts were demanded, the Broncos took the safe road while a clearly inferior Baltimore team relentlessly took the fight to us.

When Prater worm-burned that 52 yard field goal near the end of the half, John Harbaugh did not say, “Well I’d sure hate to throw a pick here and give em the ball back with so little time on the clock.  We’d better run up the middle 3 times like a bunch of pansies and go inside to lick our wounds.”

Instead, they drove 58 yards in 3 plays, put the ball in the end zone, and tied the game.

We got the ball back at the 20 with all 3 timeouts and 36 seconds on the game clock.  If we can get the same 58 yards Baltimore did in 7-8 plays (not 3 as the Ravens did) we kick a 39 yard field goal and Holliday’s TD on the ensuing kickoff puts us 2 scores ahead making this a totally different ballgame.

What message does this surrender send to your team? 

“Hey, you’ve got a Hall of fame QB and plenty of time on the clock but you guys really look cold and frightened.  In fact, I think you are more likely to vomit on the sideline benches and turn the ball over than to move a few yards up field.  We’d better go inside and reflect upon the first half and warm our tootsies.”

“Success is the child of audacity”

--Benjamin Disraeli

Amazingly, despite despairingly ill-timed penalties and obvious tightness, we had the ball in our hands with 2:26 on the game clock and a 1^st and 10 after 2 strong runs from Ronnie Hillman (though I contend a play-action on 2^nd and 2 would have yielded huge gains).  1 more first down and the game is over.

Baltimore throws 8 men in the box in desperation and then crowds the line, daring us to do something, anything, other than run the ball up the gut. 

Tragically, the Ravens coaching staff foresaw the quality of our mettle and we obligingly plunged right into the teeth of their defense 3 straight times, even using the plodding Jacob Hester (runs a 6.9 40) on 2^nd and 8 to ensure that there would be no chance of a big gain.  Baltimore lives to fight another day.

What message does this surrender send to your team? 

“Hey, I know that these guys are completely ignoring the possibility that we will pass the ball here but I think you bunch of dipshits will do something stupid.  Let’s just give em what they want and prepare for next week’s ass-kicking at the hands of the Patriots.”

“L'audace, l'audace. Toujours l'audace!" (Audacity, audacity.  Always audacity!)

--Danton

 31 seconds.  20 yard line.  2 time outs.  1 Hall of fame QB. 

A no-brainer right?  You can’t let this game go into OT.  It should never have come to this to begin with.  You go out there, try your collective butts off to scrape, steal, beg, or cheat your way down field with the 5-7 plays you have before time expires.  You need 50 yards and then even the erratic Prater should have a decent shot at winning the game. 

If you succeed, the game is over and we can all talk about what a close call it was.  If you fail, then at least your team can head out for the OT coin flip secure in the knowledge that they took the fight to the Ravens to the bitter end and the coaches still have confidence in everyone who takes the field. to continue the struggle.

We took a knee. 

We took a freaking knee! 

I don't know how John Elway didn’t leap out of the box and pistol-whip the coaching staff.  I do not believe for a minute that #7 (despite his public insistence to the contrary) would ever have happily thrown in the towel with 31 seconds and 2 time outs left.  In fact, I guarantee he would have punched Shannahan in that red little face of his until he relented and allowed him to go down and win the game.

You could feel the souls get collectively sucked from the entire offense as the 3^rd vote of no confidence came in from the sidelines.  The chill of the frigid mountain air entered the hearts of the Broncos and even Baltimore’s mediocrity in OT was not enough to rekindle any hope.  With despair (and a grim feeling of the inevitability of the final result) lingering over the field long after Tucker’s field goal split the uprights, Denver’s magical season ended not with a bang, but with a whimper….

“It never troubles the wolf how many the sheep may be”

--Virgil

I despise the Patriots.  I may, in fact, dislike them more than even the Raiders and Cowboys. 

However, after this weekend, I see clearly now that their SOB coach will keep them at a level of excellence for many more years to come.

The Patriots innovate.  They run trick plays and college offenses just to be arse-holes.  They don’t look at the numbers and odds but instead look to the men on the New England sideline.

They realize that scared money never wins, and morale is king on the battlefield.

Belichik will see a 4^th and 2 at his own 35 and go for it, because he knows that even if his Hall of fame QB can’t pick up the 2 yards, then at least the men will know that their leader believes in them.  If they lose that game, then the coaching staff in Cheaterville knows that the benefits of investing in morale will pay dividends for many games and, perhaps, even season to come.

If he has a lead and the opponent recklessly flings his defenders into the line, he’ll go ahead and throw it, running up the score a bit.  He takes the battle to his foes, and if the enemy wins, then they were better that day but they sure as hell had to earn it.

I despise New England.  And I am envious.

We have purchased an aging but still blindingly fast stallion in Manning and then saddled him with an overweight jockey who is scared of horses.  We’ll still win a few regional races, but the big day will always see us lagging tentatively behind, afraid to use either the carrot or the whip wondering when our steed will finally need to be put out to pasture.

Somewhere, an aging Marty Schottenheimer is smiling……

What the Hell Just Happened in Denver?

Stunned.  Speechless.  Shocked.  Flummoxed.

 

1)  Who kidnapped Champ Bailey and replaced him with Wyman Henderson?  Smith should have had 4 TD's in the first half and if Flacco wasn't uncharacteristically inaccurate on his deep ball today he would have.

 

2)  In 35 years of watching football, I have never seen a worse gaffe than Rahim Moore letting a kick return specialist get behind him with 35 seconds left in a game with a 7 point lead and then time his jump with almost comic prematurity.  I guess once he lined up in the wrong place I should have known.......

 

3)  Why in the name of all that is good and pure would we run up the middle with a 126 pound Ronnie Hillman on 3 and 7 when a first down wins the game?  Worse still, John Fox channeled his inner-Dennis Green and had our 100 million dollar QB take a knee with 31 seconds left and 2 timeouts.  Waving the white flag here sucked the souls out of offense.  This type of conservatism makes Glenn Beck look like Che Guevara.

 

4)  10 penalties?  What are we the freaking Raiders?  Not only that, the penalties came at the most crucial times.  Our Coaching sucked today.  Sucked.

 

The Ravens played with more boldness.  We played not to lose.  The spirit of attack is borne of a brave heart and we tiptoed through the tulips.  I saw a lot of 3-man rushing packages but no confidence.  Where was the swagger?  We had 4 golden opportunities to close out the game and could not man up.  Our Coaching sucked today.  Sucked.

 

Mental gaffes.  Penalties.  Hyper-conservatism.  Defeat.

 

This game feels worse to me than 1996.  I didn't get the feeling that we ran into a team that caught lightening in a bottle, I felt like we were exposed.

 

If that meathead Harbaugh is going to out-coach us this severely then I shiver to think of what the Hoodie would have done to us next week.

 

Awful.  Just Awful. 

 

Hot Soup: Frey's NFL Divisional Playoff Analysis

OK before you start yammering off about my 2-2 record last week, I must make it known that Christian Ponder’s surprise scratch occurred after my post.  I mean Ponder sucks, but watching Webb last week caused me physical pain.  That dude made Andy Dalton look like…well…Dalton still looked like crap but maybe a smaller or less offensive pile.

How the hell, in this age of Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, and government spy cams in toilet bowls can the starting QB of a playoff team be a virtual shoe-in for the bench and nobody hears about it? 

I suspect that Meyer Lansky returned from the grave and dropped some sizable cabbage on the Pack….

In any event, let’s get to this week quickly because I have my Lasik surgery tomorrow and forgot that I hadn’t written my post.

 

Baltimore at Denver (-9 ½)

If any of you read my post from earlier this week, and judging by the page view data you haven’t, you’d probably know where I’m going with this. 

Denver has a much better offense.  Denver has a much better defense.  Baltimore sucks on the road and we have re-discovered the old Mile High magic.  We have a better than average QB under center.  Don’t even get me started on what a wang Joe Flacco is.

I keep hearing people expressing concern about the cold weather like we’re playing the 2001 Ravens or something.  Guess what?  Compared to the chuckleheads we’re playing, we’re the 2001 Ravens.

Listen, I’m not going to guarantee anything because I remember ’96 like it was yesterday despite my constant inebriation back in my early 20’s, but unless the Donkeys commit a couple of egregious turnovers, I can’t see Denver winning by fewer than two touchdowns much less losing the game.

Can anyone who hasn’t been drinking moonshine honestly tell me that the Ravens are going to march the ball up and down the field on the road against this defense without benefitting from some serious short fields or defensive TD’s? 

I love my Broncos and am almost wanting to do the reverse jinx here just to placate the inner peasant in me that is riddled with superstitions, but Karma’s not stupid and would know I was bullshitting everyone.

Baltimore doesn’t have a prayer unless they score 27 or more. 

They won’t.

Broncos by double digits

 

Green Bay at San Francisco (-2 ½)

Tough game here.

San Francisco is competent offensively, has home field advantage, and is extremely stout on ‘D’.  They have beaten some of the league’s best teams (including this week’s opponent), have a proud and honored tradition, and some damn fine cuisine.

Green Bay has Aaron Rodgers.

If I were a betting man (and I am), I couldn’t in good conscience wager my hard-earned coin that a mercurial rookie QB starting in only his 8^th game will outperform an elite and playoff tested former league and Super Bowl MVP.

Rodgers has no fear of the bay area.  Not only did he play his college ball at Cal, but he thumped his way around the Berkeley campus proudly and loudly professing his staunch Christian beliefs.  This guy has sack! 

I’m more of a Odin/Thor guy myself, but I’m leaning Packers to win outright here. 

 

Seattle at Atlanta (-2)

I cannot recall ever having seen a home playoff favorite getting less respect than the Falcons.

Let me be the first to say that on a neutral field I’d take the ‘Hawks in a heartbeat but last I checked, the Falcons are 20-4 at home over the last 3 seasons whereas Seattle is 8-16 on the road.

2 opposing historical forces are at play here:

a)      Seattle is brutal away from Coffeville

b)      The Falcons hate winning playoff games no matter where they play

Something has to give here and I'm guessing that Atlanta will finally get off the shnide and win a home playoff game. 

It’ll be very close, but I suspect that Russell Wilson’s rookie tendency to take a Stafford (3^rd down sack that knocks your team out of field goal range) will haunt the Starbucks this year.  Falcons win and barely cover.

Houston at New England (-9 ½)

We all know that the dirty rat-bastard cheaters from the Northeast are good and now they are more rested and healthier than at any point this year aside from the first couple weeks.

Houston burst onto the scene like a meteor, flashed brilliantly in the sky, and burned up into a steaming black lump under the weight of expectations. 

The Texans know nobody thinks they’ll win.  Hell, the Texans probably don’t think they’ll win.

And that, my friends, is precisely when they are at their best! 

You see? 

Nobody expects them to do anything anymore.  They’re done.  Useless.  May as well get David Carr out of whatever insurance or landscaping company he works for now and go back to the 5-11 days when nobody with a hat less than 10 gallons really gave a rats furry little arse about Houston.

Even last week these kind-hearted and sensitive souls didn’t want to disappoint their home audience and damn near lost to a Bengals team who quarterback played with an almost terrifying hideousity.

The weight of competency no longer burdens the backs of the Confederates.  Look for a steady diet of Arian Foster (I guess the name Adolf was taken when he was born) and enjoy a game far closer than most people expect.

I think the Hoodie-Cheaters pull it out late when Brady sends his wife into the throws of passion by both throwing and catching the %$#@ing ball but the Texans cover the 9 ½.

 

Last week 2-2

Stop the Madness and Take Heart Broncos Fans!

“Who have they beaten?”

“The AFC West sucks.”

“Payton can only play in domes.”

If you give credence to any of the aforementioned statements, then you are a nincompoop, a defeatist, or just sadly misinformed.

I’ve had enough of the anti-Bronco nonsense being propagated by the legion of small-brained Easterners who wake up each morning in the loving embrace of a life-sized Tome Brady blow-up doll.

Who have the Broncos beaten?  More teams than anyone else in the AFC and all of the losses came at the very beginning of the season when we were sporting a new offense, a new Defensive Coordinator, and a QB who hadn’t played in a year and a half coming off of 4 neck surgeries playing for a new team.

This is not the same bunch of dudes who lost 3 early games (2 on the road) to teams with a combined record of 37-11.

Denver’s record against playoff teams this year is 2-3.  You what New England’s record is this year against playoff teams?  2-3!  The only difference is we didn’t lose to the dog-ass Cardinals at home.

I know what you might be thinking.  We are not playing the cheater Patriots, we’re playing the Ravens.  True, but that’s OK.  They are 2-4 against playoff teams in addition to their losses to such powerhouses as Philadelphia and the Charlie Batch-led Pittsburgh Steelers.

In fact, no team still playing in the AFC has a winning record against playoff teams.  Houston was 3-4 going into last week’s home squeaker against a misfiring Bengals squad. 

When did losing early games to strong opponents become a more damning condemnation of a team’s potential than getting bitch-slapped by crap-hole  teams like Arizona, St. Louis, and Philly? 

Does the AFC West suck?  You bet it sucks.  It sucks big time.  You know what else sucks?  The AFC North and the AFC East.  Tennessee?  Buffalo?  Miami?  The dysfunctional Jets? Jacksonville?!  I’d put the Chargers up against any one of those blubberputts and expect a win.  The only team outside the Patriots and Texans with any respectability is a lucky, overrated Colts team benefitting from high emotions and a last place schedule. 

Which leads us to the uneducated fan’s favorite Mantra, “Manning can only play indoors.”

I suppose if 30350 yards, a 64.9% completion percentage, 205 TDs against only 107 INTs, and a Quarterback Rating of 93.7% can be labeled as “crappy” then I guess he can’t play outdoors.

Are the stats slightly better indoors?  Of course they are!  He played all his home games in a dome for 13 years!  Check out any starting QB’s stats over a number of years and I guarantee that anyone not named Tony Romo is going to look better playing at home than toiling in hostile road conditions.

Take heart Broncos fans!  Cast off the chains of your doubt and raise both your spirits and expectations to the skies!  We are reasonably healthy, enjoy home field advantage throughout the playoffs, have a top 5 offense, an even better defense, solid coaching, and one of the greatest men ever to don a jersey sitting behind center.

And even if, which I do not for a moment believe, Manning can only play indoors during the playoffs, then the NFC is in grave danger when we meet them in New Orleans Superdome!

Don’t listen to the New England-philes, defeatists, and closet Raiders fans.  They are at the low end of the human curve.  I also have it on good authority that while Oakland fans are little more than simpletons, Patriots fans root for the Germans in war documentaries.

Go Broncos!

NFL Season Wrap-up and Playoff Picks

In retrospect, the 2012 NFL season was comfort food. 

Teams that have endeared themselves to us with their crappiness (Bills, Browns, Lions, Cardinals, Raiders, Tampa) regained their form while franchises recently more accustomed to a certain level of excellence (Denver, New England, Green Bay, Baltimore) have retained or re-established their relevance.

A Mike Shanahan coached team ran the hell out of the football, Tony Romo got the yips when it mattered, AP was AP, Norv was Norv, and Jay Cutler bitched at his teammates.

Atlanta continued on as a regular season powerhouse, San Francisco beat up on these types of powerhouses but then laid down for patsies, and Indianapolis hitched their wagon to a last place schedule and skilled rookie QB and rolled into the playoffs.

Since most people fear and detest change, this season was a welcome dose of nostalgia.

My season record against the spread stands at 140-116.  If you guys had listened to me and bet 1 million dollars on every game, you would have won 24 million dollars!  That’s right!  24 MILLION DOLLARS!  Of course Vegas or the bookmaker gets 10% of that, Uncle Sam takes around 40%, the spouse grabs about 83% of what trickles through the tax machine but still, the remaining wealth would have been definitely worth it!

The fact that I am writing this and not drinking a coconut porter and eating a taco from Pat’s Taqueria on Hanalei Beach should serve as an indication that I too did not bet on these games but that is neither here nor there…..

In any event, let us refrain from such lamentations and look to that which makes us the superior to all foreigners:  The NFL Playoffs!

Cincinnati at Houston (-4 ½)

Under normal circumstances, I eschew the “hot team” theory in opening rounds of the playoffs.  Recent history is replete with teams bumbling their way into the postseason and then beating a superior team at home (Denver over Pittsburgh 2011, Seattle over New Orleans 2010). 

Still, Houston looks really, really bad and Gary Kubiak is starting to look more and more like a young Marty Schottenheimer.  Cincy has a robust pass rush, skilled corners, and a studmoss receiver in AJ Green.

Giving 4 ½ points away and taking a team that is as shaky as a Frenchman in a thunderstorm would be offensive to doctors, women, and monkeys.

I see a close game either way because the Texans are at home but I don’t think they beat the spread even with the law firm (Benjarvis Green-Ellis) with a sore hamstring on the docket.

Minnesota at Green Bay (-9 ½)

Another one of the many pleasures provided by this NFL season is that it assisted in fostering  my healthy dislike for the Packers. 

My opponent in our fantasy football championship game had Aaron Rodgers.  Watching these a-holes not only keep him in the game with a 30 point second half-lead, but having him taking shots at the end zone until damn near kneel-down time is more than I can suffer as a civilized human being.

It’s like Mike McCarthy caught Titan’s owner Bud Adams in bed with his wife or something….

If the aforementioned circumstance was not the case, and there is such a thing as Karma, everyone involved in the Packers organization (including the rubes that purchased a public share of the team) will come back in the next life as toilet brushes.

As far as the game is concerned, I’m pretty sure Green Bay wins but the spread seems unjustifiably large considering that the Vikings just ramrodded the Packers last week in Minnesota.

For both Karmic and empirical reasons, I’m going with the Scandinavians to cover.

Indianapolis at Baltimore (-6 ½)

Everyone likes a good story. 

As a wee-one, my parents told me of a white-robed old one that brought gifts to well-behaved children during the yule season.

I gleefully watched Jean-Luc Picard wrangle with Romulan Empire, Bludgeon the Borg, and Castigate the Cardassian Union.

Watching the Colts rise from the ashes of last season like a Phoenix, scrap for every yard in an effort to honor their valiant and embattled head coach, and knock down the Texans to secure a #1 seed for my beloved Broncos has been most gratifying.

However, the story can also be told like this:

There once was a crappy team who picked a really good QB in the first round of the draft.  They played a lot of close games against crummy opponents but secured enough victories by virtue of their last-place schedule to make the playoffs.

As the eternal optimist, I prefer story #1.

Even so, as a realist and a student of history, I know that for every “Rudy”, “Rocky”, or “Daniel LaRusso”, there are five hundred Anne Bolyns.

Sadly, the Ravens win and cover here.

Seattle at Washington (+1)

To my thinking, this is the game of the week.  2 outstanding Rookie QBs supported by excellent running attacks. 

From what I have seen thus far, thou doth not betteth against RG III lest one don the jester’s hat for the amusement of thine companions.

The Seahawks, however, are on such a roll that their players are even winning appeals to the commissioner’s office.  This is akin to a tornado missing a trailer park.  I would be a fool to oppose Seattle when it is clear that they have the blessing of the gods.

As far as the ‘Skins are concerned, it obvious they have the firm support of Mars/Ares given the continued reddening of Mike Shanahan.  I believe an e-mail from Brian Friedrich in Aurora sums up what we are all feeling:

I no longer know what to make of Mike Shannahan’s pigmentation.  For a while it seemed like he was trying to turn red to match his Redskins jacket, but he achieved that shade a couple weeks ago.  If he continues past that, then I’m no longer sure what the end goal is.  What is more red then red?  Infrared, maybe?  Can you heat a Cup O’Noodles using only a picture of Shannahan’s face?

I have said before that his red skin and his complete lack of lips make him look like Muno from Yo Gabba Gabba, but now I think there is something more sinister going on. 

COULD MIKE SHANNAHAN BE TURNING INTO SATAN HIMSELF?

If so, what happens when we finally get Shannahan vs Tebow?  Are our souls at stake?  What if I want to ride with RG3 – does that align me with the prince of darkness?  And what does that make Kyle Shannahan?  Does that make him the duke of darkness?  Is that why Duke is known as the Blue Devils?  Why isn’t Mike Krzyzewski turning red then?  Or blue, for that matter?

I have a headache.

The above is an extremely compelling argument on behalf of Washington and I am tempted to lean that way but Seattle’s scary-good defense is forcing me the other direction.

I’m going Seahawks in a squeaker.