Take Two: Part I --- Discovering MTG

At some point in the late 1990’s (I can’t remember exactly when) I was sifting through various cable channels desperately looking for something to give me an excuse to blow off my upcoming paper on Civil War infantry assault tactics and the advent of the rifled musket.  I was about ready to give up in disgust when the flickering light settled on ESPN6 or some such thing.

On screen, two warriors, each looking like the older brother from The Wonder Years, proceeded to lay down cards, turn them sideways, and then lay down more cards with fanciful names.  Sometimes, they would turn those sideways and sometimes they would drop them into what looked to be a discard pile.  Mostly, however, they glared at each other like two spouses engaging in their 45^th debate regarding toilet seat etiquette.

Excited commentators, speaking what seemed to be Hindi, prophesized the meaning of these activities as the two young men playing tried their damndest to look more and more like The Wonder Years brother. 

Shortly before, I was about ready to quit my search for diversion and focus on my paper; and after seeing this remarkable game, I did just that.

This, my friends, was my initial exposure to MTG.  The impression that it left on me can best be summed up as “What the #$@& was that?”

For years, the memory lay dormant, tossed upon my mind’s internal trash heap along with such gems as “my first Schlitz” and “I wonder if Chelsea Clinton will be hot someday.”

In late summer 2000, a guy with whom I worked noticed my affinity for fantasy games (I was a huge Baldur’s Gate/Torment guy) and suggested that I join him for a game of Magic.  As he described it to me it instantly registered that he meant me to play the game made famous by Wayne Arnold on ESPN8 a few years prior.  This cat had steered me right when it came to Everquest so I figured, “what the hell?” 

Using some pre-constructed decks, I played enough games to learn the mechanics and some rudimentary strategy.  I found the rules intuitive for the most part and enjoyed the variation.  Each game had a unique ebb and flow.  The cards had great diversity in both function and artwork.  Enjoyably, each color had a specific flavor that imparted a distinctive personality to the game and player.

Sure there was some luck involved, but such a flaw gives hope to new or marginal players and cannot be viewed as a detriment to the game.  Hell if it was 100% skill and experience then it would be like chess.  Don’t get me wrong, I love me some chess, but I have no interest in letting Gary Kasparov or some other Soviet beat me like a circus monkey every time I push wood.  If I knew certain defeat awaited me at the hands of some grandmaster every time a tournament was held, it would dissuade me from wasting my coin.  A little luck evens the playing field.

Simply said, it was fun, but something didn’t seem quite right.  It wasn’t rocket science but I still seemed to be crappy.  Not just regular crappy, but super crappy.  Crappy like whatever one-legged teams Nebraska schedules for non-conference games every year.  In short order, I began to despair.  It was at that point where my future hung in the balance, teetering precipitously on the edge of a great chasm.  I could quit now and return exclusively to my 39^th level Cleric online, or I could take an unlikely (if not outright crazy) step toward glory.  Reaching deep down inside, summoning up all of my strength, I said, “Dude, let me play with the green deck.”

The rest, as they say, is history.

In the next installment, The Fryguy is taught the art of deck building for draft and sealed deck.  It doesn’t go that well...

Take Two: Another Foray Into MTG

One thing became clear to me as I sat down with the Djinn a few weeks ago to help him play test for an upcoming event  --  I don’t know my arse from my face when it comes to Magic.  I retained a basic understanding of the rules (although being unable to assign combat damage and then sacrificing a creature before resolution weirded me out a bit) but I was outclassed.  Thoroughly.

So like anyone with even an ounce of self-respect, I have decided that I need to go back for more whuppings.  Not just from the Djinn, but from all of you. 

For at least the next few months, I am going to chronicle my 2^nd sortie into the glorious and ever changing realm of Magic: The Gathering.  Given my limited exposure to the game (I played briefly only during Invasion block) I hope you will forgive me if I abstain from posting detailed analyses of deck design or card function until I can lay a land without somehow losing 4 life and allowing my opponent to draw 3 cards.

Instead, I intend to provide the perspective of a new player making a journey back into a game and a community.  Expect to be wowed by my raw but undisciplined talent or, perhaps, floored by my incompetence as I pass on the Frost Titan to draft that nice Lava Axe I’ve been craving. 

Be cautioned, however:  Do not for a moment think that a complete lack of expertise is going to dissuade me from sounding off on things.  I am certain I will have ample opportunity to opine on issues ranging from rules to the dude sitting to my left that looks like The Unabomber.

Anyway, it is commonly known that a good story cannot be told without first establishing its beginnings.  In the next installment (this storyline will post each Friday), I will tell of my first sojourn into Magic starting with my first game and ending with my departure.

Look for additional posts dispersed throughout the "Take Two" storyline.  Sometimes, crap just pops up about which I cannot help but write

The Gridiron Nostradamus

It's Autumn and the smell of violence is in the air!

The NFL season is upon us and as a lover of games great and small, Sundays full of football and ale are always a welcome addition to my weekend.  I mean what's better than stumbling home smelling like the Mos Eisley Cantina to face the disapproving glares of your spouse and the skeptical glances of a 4 year old?  What I ask!?


As one of like 46 people currently living in the State who was actually born in Colorado, The Broncos are my team and I'll have words with anyone who doesn't think John Elway was the greatest QB to ever take has game to the gridiron. I suffered through the torments of 4 straight Superbowl arse kickings and recoiled with horror as Homer Simpson himself poked fun at my beloved Donkeys.

That having been said, I am a realist. I owe it to both my readers and myself to kick the fan to the curb and bring out the logician. So without further adieu, here is a game by game breakdown of the 2010 Denver Broncos season. Enjoy the predictions. Be warned, however, in this blog I write about football and as such, I may use some colorful language along the way. I'm no longshoreman by any means, but if you are offended by words that might give you pause when speaking with your grandmother over Sunday breakfast, then you might consider watching soccer instead of continuing with this read.

@Jacksonville--In front of like 470 fans (60% of whom will be wearing Tebow jerseys) this is damn near a home game for the Broncos. I don't know what some local sportswriters are smoking but if the Jags are wild card contenders then Frodo Baggins is a Japanese aviator. If Josh McDictator is good at one thing, it is preparation (it certainly isn't drafting, half-time adjustments, or employee retention rates). Orton has a solid start even without our first round draft pick with the chronically bad foot. We don't realize that we suck yet and play like winners. W--DEN--24 JAX--20.

Seattle--Much like last year, we meet a dogcrap team following an inspiring, if unimpressive, road win. Much like last year, we beat up on a bunch of nincompoops and gain a false sense of our own quality. W--DEN--31 SEA--13.

Indianapolis--People point out that we play Indy tough at home. What they should say is that we play Indy tough at home in late December when they don't give a damn anymore because they are 12-1. Leaves are not the only thing that fall in autumn. L--IND--38 DEN--13

@Tennessee—People are drunk if they think that our best running back (even after one of those million-dollar-man surgeries) is anywhere near Chris Johnson. Road game. Physical opponent with angry running game. Tired D-line from last weeks ass-kicking. L--TEN--28 DEN--23

@ Baltimore--While I'm not quite sold on the Ravens as an unstoppable juggernaut (their defense is old) they have an improved offense and a tall QB. I mean this guy is almost as tall as The Djinn. I think we move the ball OK but can't stop Ray Rice. Ravens control the line of scrimmage and the game. L--BAL--31 DEN--20

NY Jets--Am I the only one who remembers that the Jets were 9-7 last year and only made the playoffs because the cowards in Indy refused to chase perfection? Sanchez is mediocre at best and their line is a bit older. Don't get me wrong, the Jets are still better on paper than us but this game is at home and McDaniels loves beating teams from the right coast areas where people have ridiculous accents. Maybe that defective receiver with the bum foot plays in this game. We can’t draft worth crap. Flashback to 1908: With the 21st pick of the draft, The Denver Broncos select....The horse and buggy with a broken wheel. With the 22nd pick, Henry Ford selects the automobile. Anyway, I hate the friggin Jets. W--DEN--20 NYJ--17.

Oakland--As much as it pains me to say this, the Raiders will be much improved this year. However, they will not figure it out until week 11 because they are the dipshit Raiders. W--DEN--24 OAK--16

@San Francisco--Not really at the 49ers but London is also windy, rainy, dreary, and damp. Might as well be a home game for Singletary and his band. The Limeys are treated to a pretty entertaining game but in conditions only a royal Fusilier from Her Majesty's Venerable Coldstream Guards could enjoy, the ground game is the key. Know-gain Moreno is not going to feed the bulldog here. L--SF--21 DEN--20

Kansas City--If we have even an ounce of self respect, then we must come out and play like demons after last season's debacle. They may be improved, they may be division rivals, but they are still the ***damn Chefs. If our D isn't completely worn down by every player being like 100 years old, then we can take this one with relative ease. W--DEN--30 KC--14

@ San Diego--This is the exact opposite of the previous game. Simply substitute the following: "We" with "San Diego"; "They" with "We"; and "Chefs" with "Broncos". L--SD--34 DEN--10.

St Louis--Just what the doctor ordered. A home game against a bunch chuckleheads. We can play like garbage and still thump these chronic bed crappers. W--DEN--27 STL--9.

@Kansas City--I could say something about weather conditions or December records here. But I wont. Chiefs are just better than us at home this year. Mr. Gimpy foot will be making his second appearance for the Broncos at WR and catch a TD in this one. It's not enough. L--KC--27 DEN--21.

@Arizona--Not sure why, but we always seem to win here. Every year since I was a lad we always leave Arizona with a W. In the past, it was usually because they sucked. Due to the departures of their Hall of fame QB, #2 receiver, and some costly losses to the Defense, we have a hot tub time machine moment. We are going to Arizona to play football and the Cards suck again. W--Den--28 AZ--14

@ Oakland--I'm guessing that 40% of our defense is going to be on the shelf with injuries by this point in the year. 3rd straight game on the road and the Raiders have finally discovered that they are not the 5-11 team from the past 6 years. They are a 7-9 team playing a home game against a hated rival who hasn't seen a friendly skyline for 3 weeks. That, and a depleted and tired defense, should be just enough. L--OAK--26 DEN--23

Houston--There are few things more certain in the NFL over the last few years than this: Houston is always dangerous at the end of the year. Always. If there is anything more certain over the same time period it is this: The Broncos always suck at the end of the year. Always. The law firm of Schaub et al saunters in here and beats us like circus monkeys. L--HOU--31 DEN--17.

San Diego--Here is where I would like to say something stirring. Perhaps we can steal a hard fought game from our hated foes. Our old guys reach deep down inside for one last barbaric yawp and our youngsters find reserves of strength they never knew they had. Fiddlesticks. The Chargers have already clinched the division and don't give a rip if they win or not. With Rivers on the bench sipping a Petit Syrah, Denver blunders into a hollow victory. Apologists will point to our robust 3-3 finish as a beacon of hope. It is a false one given the baboon who runs our draft board. W--DEN--21 SD--10.

CONCLUSION: Denver goes 8-8......wait a sec? 8-8? How the hell did that happen? I must have missed something somewhere. That meaningless final victory threw a monkey wrench into the whole works. I swear that I had us 6-10 somehow......

Stay Thirsty My Friends

The Fryguy

Greetings Djinn-o-philes!

Welcome to the first installment of The Fryguy Invectives. Too long has the Hypnotic Specter of silence haunted my steps. Too long has The Man bogged me down in mind-numbing minutia and corporate baboonery. Henceforth, from my panzer-gray cubicle surrounded by a sea of the same, I will opine, harangue, and pontificate in that very special level of safety that can only be afforded by obscurity.

Among my writings you will find enlightened wisdom or (if you disagree with my position on an issue) fevered ramblings. Sometimes you will simply hear tales of vice and woe. But always, we will talk of gaming. There should be an abundance of Magic, a sprinkle of PC/Console games, the sporadic unrelated work/sports/political rant, and some occasional advice.

Aside from the obvious societal benefits derived from dropping my thoughts on the Djinn’s auspicious website, I’d like to have some fun along the way. So join me as I resume my travels through the community of gamers and help me negotiate the treacherous waters of observation and gamesmanship.

So bookmark Djinn’s Playground, alert your buddies, and let’s get this thing started off right. Should you wish to share some thoughts, make suggestions, laud my deductive reasoning prowess, or simply tell me that I’m full of crap, kick an e-mail over to thefryguy44@gmail.com or post a comment.

Stay Thirsty My Friends!

The Fryguy

In honor of the upcoming NFL season, I’ve decided to knock out a game by game breakdown of all 16 Broncos games for the 2010 season. This prognostication may provide a good baseline for extorting favorable over/under wagers from drunken comrades. Check back on Saturday!