Well last week’s 0-3-1 record was the most pitiful display
of prognostication since the week prior.
That having been said, my weekly picks differ from my beloved Denver Broncos in three important ways:
1)
I still have a winning record.
2)
A return to competence is likely.
3)
It’s fun to watch me try.
Winston Churchill once said, “Success consists of going from
failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.”
 |
| The Prime Minister is unhappy with my effort but lauds my persistance. |
You can’t see me right now, but I am enthused. I’m aquiver with anticipation of my next round
of picks and brimming with confidence.
And I’m not talking the fake, drummed up braggadocio that we’ve been
hearing from Von Miller this week, but real confidence.
I know Von Miller cares, and I bet that he will kick
multitudes of butts tonight, but his is a lonely voice among a chorus of behaviors
and body languages that scream “here we go again”.
My uncles may have partaken pretty heavy in the leaf back in
their days in the Navy during Vietnam, but the proud nautical tradition I enjoy
in my blood can tell when a ship is sinking.
I’m not abandoning the vessel yet, but I’m stealthily edging toward the
lifeboat.
I’d pick the Cards to win tonight but they are far too
crappy for that type of nonsense.
So let’s pick some real games instead.
Detroit Lions @ Miami Dolphins (+3)
This would be
my Admiral Akbar Game of the Week were it not for the fact that Brock Osweiler always
poops the bed in the game immediately following an outing where he
saves the day.
Moreover, the
Lions are largely healthy and, despite their inauspicious 2-3 record, are
playing pretty well for their new coach, Rubius Hagrid.
On the other
hand, this is a road game, Miami is 4-2, and the Lions are….well…the Lions.
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| Add caption |
I had to
re-check to make sure this one wasn’t in London given the spread. I’d be happy taking the fins straight up much
less getting 3 points.
Minnesota Vikings (-3 ½) @ New York Jets
Sorry Jets.
The Vikings
already had their trap game when they played Buffalo.
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| The Bills caught them off guard. The Jets will not. |
Vikings roll here.
Dallas Cowboys @ Washington Redskins (-1 ½)
If there is
one constant in the treacherous world of prognostication, it is that the Dallas
Cowboys will always be overvalued whenever they show the slightest signs of not
sucking.
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| Jerry Jones at his press conference proudly detailing Dallas' resurgence. |
“Not Sucking”
is not enough to win a road game against a division opponent and heated rival whose
2018 campaign can also be denied as “not sucking”.
It’ll be
close, but the skins should win by 2 or more.
New York Giants @ Atlanta Falcons (-4 ½)
And so it
comes to this.
Ever since I
swore off picking the Bills (win or lose, it mattered not), the New York Giants
have become my new kryptonite.
This team is
a dumpster fire.
They also
keep covering spreads.
But, to
paraphrase Dottie Hinson from A League of
Their Own, I can’t pick them, and I can’t lay off them.
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| A more apt comparison might be Norm Peterson's inmability to stop eating at the Hungry Heffer |
I know the
Falcons defense couldn’t play dead in a western but they really need this game
in order to stay relevant. How this
spread can be anything less than 6 ½ is dumbfounding to me.
I’m falling
for the trap.
Week 6: 0-3-1
2018 Record: 13-10-1
2018 Record: 13-10-1
Trap Game Record: 4-2
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