They’re everywhere.
These creepy little boys bred by your buddies and co-workers for the sole purpose of besieging your daughter with advances as she enters her teen years.
From the first brandishing of pointy sticks at horny youths loitering by cave entrances to displaying the proverbial shotgun by the front door in modern times, fathers have feverishly fought to beat back the forces of nature by any means necessary.
Sadly, in today’s litigious society, random threats of violence against unsuspecting teen boys are considered contrary to the collective good, severely limiting a concerned dad’s ability to fend off unwanted suitors for his little girl.
With this in mind, the most effective way to minimize the agony of raising a female child through her teen years is to trade out the shotgun for some Spock ears.
Yes my friends, you must plant the nerd seed early or else become accustomed to a revolving door of dudes who resemble Barney Rubble’s dimwitted little brother pitching woo with your wee lass.
Put the dollhouse in mothballs and break out Heroes of Might and Magic IV.
Swap out the tiara for a Viking helmet, explain to her the ways of ‘The Force’, and search eBay for copies of Baby’s First Book of Horrible War Weapons of the Luftwaffe.
If your 4 year old girl doesn’t want to be Frodo Baggins for Halloween then you have failed in your duty as a parent. Yes, that's right. Failed.
Fortified by a solid foundation of geekery, your little girl is certain to send the bulk of these shifty little SOB’s with the ‘Y’ chromosome running for the hills. The only move your daughter can expect to see from the Poindexters that remain is 'Pawn to King 4'.
Trust me. She will thank you for this later.
A word of caution is required however. While the ‘geek her out’ theory looks to have little or no downside, its practical application requires some.....finesse.
